You

I know i’m supposed to have moved on by now, its been too long. I’ve cried too much, and held on too tight. Not everyone gets a second chance, so why cant I just let go? I’ve tried everything. I stopped talking to you for a little, never worked. I gave different guys a chance, they were never good enough. I ate a lot and gained weight, and then I lost a lot more of that weight, neither helped. I started figuring out ways to take the pain away, they still don't satisfy me. Can it really be, that from everything else on this planet, you’re the only reason I will ever be happy? It doesn't seem too fair does it? And its actually pretty funny because I really don't know you anymore. We broke up 2 years ago, we were young, well younger than we are now. So what if now you’re a complete ***** and I don't even know it? I could be sitting here day and night talking about how much I’m in love with you, and yet I don't even know who the **** you are. I mean I know I’m in love with who you were, but I doubt thats the same person you are now. I wish I knew who you were though, I hope you’ve changed for the better. I just don't understand how taking me out of your life helped you better it. I guess now that I think about it its really just a big insult. I was the one who believed you could be successful and do great things in life, not anyone else, it was me. Guess the joke is on me now. Its almost unreal how quickly and easily you moved on to live your life without me. Its almost as if I never really existed, cos I doubt people come up to you and say “wahtever happened to Teddy?” When obviously noone really knew about me in the first place. Which just shows me how unimportant and temporary I really was in your life. I get myself in so much bullshyt and its weird cos every time I do I wish I could call you and tell you about it. I mean after all this time I still feel it in my heart that I need you. After all this time I still feel that you're the one that would make it all better. But, come on, if I really let myself believe that then i’m a dumbass. Have you ever loved someone so much you’d give them anything? Not just anything. Like if that person needed a heart transplant and the only one that fit was yours, would you give it to them? Yeah, thats how much I ******* love you, I’d let them take my heart out and give it you, when really its been yours all along. I could probably count the amount of things I care about in this world on one hand. I’ve stopped caring. I’m apathetic about any subject that isn't you. It’s never about you anymore, I hate it. Now my world is forced to revolve around everything but you. I feel like the real me is stuck in a box somewhere in Africa, or in “butt Africa” as you call it. Physically i'm here but emotionally, I’m not. I’m drained and really theres no looking back bcos life keeps pushing me forward. I don't want to go forward, I want to rewind to when you were mine and then pause for forever. I don't even talk to you anymore and you still have complete power over me. I haven't heard your voice in months but I still know exactly waht you sound like, it still makes me weak at the knees. You know, I actually kind of wish you were something I could order online and keep in my room, at least you would feel more real to me than you do now. Sometimes I wonder if we ever really happened or if you’re just a figment of my imagination. I mean you're a little too beautiful, theres just no way you were mine. Theres just no way you were my first valentine and my best make out session. Theres no way that we were both in love with each other at the same time and the same amount. Did we really make love endlessly? I remember something like we had sex every single time we saw each other but that could be my imagination kicking in again. Cos really how could someone with such a beautiful body want to be all over mine? Touching me, feeling me up, and licking me. You were someone I could do the dirtiest things with and yet never feel gross, ugly, or embarrassed. Please come back, I know I didn't want to say this anymore but maybe if I say it enough you actually will. **** it, maybe I should just pack the pipe and smoke the glass. You’re obviously not coming back. 

 

 
nodopenohope nodopenohope
18-21, F
May 18, 2012