You Broke My Heart But You Will Never Break Me

Just when you think you know someone, they **** up. Bad. How or why would anyone choose to completely ignore their “girlfriend” on their own birthday? Could it have been the contribution of his mother, or perhaps the night before when I had said the words “**** you” but at that time, I feel like I meant those words. I felt hurt and he did not care whatsoever. I have never met someone that could literally become a polar opposite just randomly and that’s it, no explanation.

He told me that he wanted to be with me FOREVER, and that he would always be there for me. He told me that he couldn’t see himself with any girl ever but me. This was all bullshit apparently. Someone that is power hungry for money and recognition in life will never be able to have a sustainable relationship. All he ever cared about was cash. That’s it. I realize this now. I almost feel as if he had used me for a place to get away from his mother. How could anyone deal with the type of relationship he has with his mom? She literally controls everything that he does (other than what she doesn’t know, and if she did know she would freak the **** out) He is treated like a child constantly and he is fine with it. Instead he finds other ways to live his double life and always tries to be the best or fit in. Most people are not initially drawn to him. He is something out of the ordinary, reflections of his past are almost impossible to hide.

I don’t know if I would ever be able to fully accept the fact that you could just Google him and all of the articles regarding his past are available to read. In my opinion, that is pretty sad. No one wants to have information about a difficult time available for anyone to view. I was embarrassed of the fact that he was associated with that type of group whatsoever. He being a part of that organization just proves that he was a very lost little boy. He constantly cries back to mommy when things go wrong or he needs his clothes pressed. But respecting her and telling her the truth is something he will never be able to do. She is either too oblivious to what he does right under her nose, or she just chooses to ignore it and pretend as if he is something that he is not. When someone controls your life you are deemed incapable of making your own decisions. Perhaps he has fooled me as well. Maybe he has been living a double life while being with me. This is a big possibility and I wouldn’t put it past him. He thinks that he is a golden child, but boy does he have a lot of things to work out.

Yes, he was a hard worker. He works hard at something and gives it his all. But he also becomes fixated on certain things and cannot seem to break away from the patterns he creates. He will follow one pattern for a certain amount of time and then just randomly stop and start another. He has little to no ethic whatsoever or morals to follow mostly due to the fact that he does not believe in any sort of higher power or reprehension for anything that he does. He has no faith in anything or anyone really. I chose to accept him how he was in every way and he clearly never fully accepted me. He was definitely someone with little to no self-esteem at all.

Is this the end of our relationship..? If so, (which judging back his actions, yes) what an awful way to leave things. I have never met anyone with such nerve to just break up with someone on their own day of birth via text message. It’s disgusting. An awful human being must have raised that heart of a beast. I am not sure if our love story is over quite yet but if it is then good riddance, enjoy your life. I still have intense feelings for you, but I'm not sure if those feeling have changed. You have never cared about me as much as I have about you. You never even took the time to ever want to know what I wanted.

You always were selfish in your ways, but I will still always love you. You also showed me many things about myself that I didn’t know. I hope that you have taken away from this relationship as well. I wish that you would have talked to me about how you were "feeling" before waiting until my birthday to cause this pain. I didn't know that you were unhappy. You didn't ever show any signs of it or tell me anything at all. Everything came out of nowhere and I just don't understand.. but then again I started feeling that way as well. Unhappy. Tired of the same ****. You were beginning to really bore me. I think this could overall be a positive time and a good opportunity for me to better myself as a person, alone. I can never be fully satisfied with myself until I finish becoming the person I am destined to be.

With time I will be able to do all of the things I desire, and from this point forward I will no longer succumb to what others want. I need to focus on myself. He chose to do this action toward me. It was a conscious decision. All I can take away from this is, never trust what anyone says unless you trust it in yourself.

My game plan from this point forward is to not respond to anything he said to me yesterday. He said we needed to part ways, so this is me saying OK. Let's part ways. I need time to myself as well. I have missed out on sleep, opportunities, hobbies, and other relationships during the period of time that we were together. That certainly is no way to live. I am sad that all of the future plans we had discussed so often are clearly not going to happen. At the same time, why am I so okay with this? I must have made this subconscious decision a while ago that I wanted to break up as well. That's the only thing that could make sense to me right now because normal people would probably be a mess. I, only the other hand, am trying to think positively of this situation because becoming depressed over the end of a relationship is just not worth it. I have so much to offer the world and perhaps when I am ready to give myself once again to someone, I will be a happier, more experienced being. Every person on earth needs to fulfill their hopes and dreams before challenging human nature into the (sometimes beautiful) form of captivity that we call marriage.

This relationship was extremely exhausting to keep up with. Perhaps now I can become a happier person myself. Everything in life happens for a reason.

All in all, I just want to say :


You are nothing but a liar.
meadowpeace meadowpeace
22-25, F
May 21, 2012