Baby Makes Three? Nope, Just Two.

I have a 9 month old daughter. She is amazing. Her father? Not so much.

Her father left us when she was five weeks old. We got in an argument (a stupid argument likely amplified by the fact that I very recently gave birth) and he said he didn't want anything to do with my daughter or I and left. Just left.

That? Was September 24th. On September 25th he texted his ex-wife and asked if they could work things out. On September 26th he messaged a girl on Facebook (FACEBOOK is the DEVIL). On September 27th (my birthday) the girl on FB responded and told him congratulations as he had pictures of his newborn daughter posted and his reply? Her mother told me this weekend that she is not mine.

I try to move on - literally as my house was on the market, sold and I had to move - alone.

Fast forward to the beginning of December. We start talking again, he wants to work things out. Starts coming to see the baby. I don't trust him. So I look at the messages in his phone. Another denial of paternity to his ex-wife. Numerous women with whom he is communicating that he didn't communicate with before. Acknowledgement that he has gone out with some of these women. But he says - clearly you have nothing to worry about because I am choosing you.

Why do men say that? You are choosing me because I am here right now but there were obviously appropriate replacement girls just waiting in the wings. Does this mean that I shouldn't be mad about the fact that you left me an emotional wreck with a five week old baby? You choose me now? Thanks?

Anyhow, we talked for a while and then I got lied to again. I am really sick of being lied to. He took his son to a movie with his son's mother. A little strange if you ask me - I get a long with my ex-husband but we don't hang out. Regardless, he lied to me about that. He says it's because "what I don't know won't hurt me" but I have a news flash - it's pretty obvious when people are lying.

I broke it off a few days later.

Unfortunately, while I tend to be relatively good about moving on, the inclusion of an amazing little girl who is going to grow up never knowing her "family unit" has made this extremely difficult.

We had our problems, and, obviously, two people together cause problems. It wasn't all his fault, nor was it all mine. I don't handle pregnancy very well from an emotional standpoint and that, surely, had some bearing on the situation. Although I truly believe that, during that nine month period, men need to just suck it up.

Now I find out he has been with the FB girl on multiple occasions and this angers me from so many perspectives. Obviously, my ego is bruised. But in addition, my daughter still doesn't sleep through the night; I am constantly tired and busy; my expenses are significant and he is no help. The couple times he came to try to help he had other plans afterward and was just antsy - and that frustrated me immensely.

He walked away, with no continuing responsibility. I am left to try to figure out what makes me so unloveable. I am angry and bitter and feel nothing but rage when I think of him. I am anxious all the time. I don't understand why he was so awful to me.

Long story short? I am struggling with the whole situation and I don't know what to do anymore.

INeedASavior INeedASavior
2 Responses May 22, 2012

you are better off with out the losser he sounds very much like a la<x>yer that just wants a place to park at times get a lood test and make him pay and find a person that will love both of you

I'm very sorry to read, understandably, that you're struggling with this.<br />
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You say, ''I am left to try to figure out what makes me so unlovable'' You're not unlovable, you're not to blame, he simply made you feel that way. It's not true and I think the reason he's been so awful to you is because you have allowed him to treat you this way. I cant believe you have allowed this manipulative man to get away with so much.<br />
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He has text his ex-wife and asked if they could work things out.<br />
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Then there's the Facebook girlfriend.<br />
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Then he wants to work things out with you again / Starts to see the baby.<br />
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You say you don't trust him.<br />
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You find out about his denial of paternity to his ex-wife.<br />
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You have found he's been communicating with numerous women and has been going out with some of them.<br />
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He's lied to you too many times now.<br />
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I know what it's like be so attached to someone but this man doesn't respect you and he isn't going to make you happy. In fact the more chances you give him, the more he will treat you bad. Now you probably won't want to hear this but for your own good, GET RID OF HIM, KICK HIM TO THE KERB.<br />
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Your life will be happier when you decide and know that you are so much better off without him. Don't let him treat you like a doormat. You deserve better. Face the facts, learn to love yourself, accept what he's done to you and move on. The sooner you can do this, the better for you. There are decent, kind, loyal, devoted men out there but you never find one if you continue with this loser.