Like Getting The Wind Punched Out Of Me

Hello all,

I have a broken heart. And it's killing me. Let me give you a little background. I am a martial arts instructor and have had my own school since 2006. Everything was going great. I started getting students and business was growing. Little did I know that one of those students would eventually become a very important part of my life. Her name is Estefania. Training her for 4 years, she was my longest-running student and my first black belt. During the fifth year our relationship grew to more than just instructor-student. We became friends outside of class as well. Long story short we ended up getting together and falling in love. Everything since then has been amazing. We get along extremely well. We did everything together and went all over the place together taking trips and having good times making lasting memories and wonderful adventures. We both had interest that we shared such as poetry martial arts sports school art and music. Her family loves me and I love them as well. My family feels the same for her. In my mind she was the girl for me she was the girl that I was going to be spending the rest of my life with. And then after four years of a friendly student instructor relationship and then almost exactly two years of a full-blown committed relationship, it happened. Seemingly out of nowhere Thursday, May 17, 2012 became the worst day of my life. She broke up with me.

Her claim was that she hadn't lived her life to the fullest yet and wasn't ready to continue our relationship to another level. That she was still too young and hadn't experienced enough by herself. And that since I was pretty much her first committed relationship all she knew was me. That she wanted to experience some more. And that after she felt she was ready she would come back to me.

I was absolutely crushed. And another thing that really got me is that the weekend right before that happened, we went out on a special vacation that I had planned for us. Everything seemed great. We had fun we went to movies we sang we dined everything was great. And then four days later I felt like I was hit by a ton of bricks. I asked her where this came from, and how all of a sudden this came to her mind? She said that it had come randomly in a dream, that she dreamt that she felt like she was missing out on life.

I know she is not cheating, and that there are no other guys in her life right now. But I still can't fully understand why she did this. Maybe it is what she said maybe it isn't. She's never lied to me before so I have no reason not to believe her. But i still can't understand or comprehend this fully.

I want her back so bad. I am still deeply in love with her. I can't get her out of my mind. Everything I do every single day there is something that reminds me of her. A song on the radio a smell, something that we shared together, somewhere we've been together, not to mention the countless gifts we've given each other which leaves little reminders all over my room. Even our form of communication is another reminder. I bought her an iPad just so that we can use the video chat to talk to each other. So now you looking at my iPad reminds me of her.

The first night she said I honestly couldn't believe it I was shocked. It took some time to finally sink in and a few more times of her telling me again to finally realize what was actually happening. Once it went through I broke down. I cried like I've never cried before which is extremely unusual for me. It was like getting the wind punched out of me but worse. I would've rather taken a full on kick to my head than this. that kick would hurt less than this kind of pain. What do I do now?

The days since then have been unbearable. I've been extremely melancholy, indifferent, and unmotivated. I haven't been able to cut off communications with her, I just can't do it we haven't spoken but we texted each other. She has suggested that it might be best for me to try to put her out of my mind but as I said before that's not something I can do right now, or rather I wouldn't know how to do it. Even my enjoyment for teaching martial arts seems dimmed.

It has been six days now since the breakup happened. I have been all over the Internet looking for ways to help me cope with this pain but so far have not found anything that has helped.

So that is my story. Life has been hard. And I'm doing the best to deal with it. Having a broken heart is truly the worst kind of pain anyone can feel.
MXPalau MXPalau
22-25, M
4 Responses May 23, 2012

I understand way to well. Last year a similar thing happen to me. My husband ended our 18 year relationship. Well for months I text, email, & try to call him but there then moment happen where I let him go for me. You will need to find that moment yourself no friends, family or others whom been there can tell when that moment will happen. This is lonely path and it great to know that others have been there but this path is still one you need to walk yourself to find hope again. Hope will come again one day you will wake up it sneak up and surprise you heck it still surprises me. I still miss him a little, still mad at him but I got hope back that is has help make this better.

A very similar thing happened to me on May 11. My birthday. My relationship wasn't as long as yours but it was filled with a lot of love ( I thought..) then out of nowhere a text to end it, on my special day. No explanation as to why whatsoever. It's so difficult to come to terms with people when they do things like this. Perhaps she does truly want to be with you but it isn't the right time for her..<br />
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hang in there. Life can only get better from your sorrow today.

MXPalau, I'm there too. How you feel is exactly where I'm at. It's been just over five weeks since I lost what seemed to be the most loving, perfect relationship yet out of the blue, without any warning she ended us. My family adored her and her family loved me too. We were to be married. We had a wonderful weekend together and the following day she ended us. Where did that come from?<br />
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Did you and I love our women so well that they couldn't handle feeling secure? Is it possible for a women to feel too secure? I don't know. I've racked my brains out thinking in depth for possibilities. On the net, I've searched relationship expert and psychologist's advice and theories with conflicting views.<br />
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My ex is so indifferent now, I've lost her forever. I'm in unbearable pain. I feel I've had my life taken away from me. I'm struggling so much trying to get use to a single life again. We were in touch every day and now there's nothing. I'm just about holding my job down which is something and despite what I should be doing, I lack motivation and struggle to get out of bed. I'm so, so beaten up. My mind is scrambled. If I can get any sleep, that's the high light of my life. I'm distraught and demolished.<br />
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If you read my three stories, you will see how much emotion we share and you'll also see you're not alone. I'm sorry, I have no advice other than that many say time heals.<br />
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Good Luck

Hi. I absolutely understand how you feel. Seems like all I can do lately is cry to the point I can't breath. I wish I could fast forward through this pain. The last time I was in this situation I swore it would never happen again and I can kick myself because look at me now. I live alone so I don't have much support. I've been searching the internet just like you looking for ways to help me deal with this. Maybe if you want to chat sometime you can email me or if you have a blackberry you can add me on BBM 289F22E9