I'm Sick Of This Heartache

Why is it  that you make me fall in love with you over and over just so you can break my heart. I feel as if you just don't even care about  my feelings. You say that you just want to find yourself and that I deserve better and that you don't need to be around people. But then you come back and romance me into taking you back and I do it every time. Am I stupid and or naive for taking you back? I am on the edge. I am getting to the point where I don't want you anymore because I feel so damn betrayed. Why can't you understand the fact that I am here to help you get through things, not to have you push me away when you just feel like it. I have already had to deal with so much heartache in my life, and I can't deal with it anymore. It's like you don't care.  I can't cry anymore tears for you or over you because I just simply don't want to nor do I want to feel bad about something that isn't my fault. You put your own self ahead of all of these things and then act as if I am the one forcing it on you and then you run away, I tell you all the time that I don't think either of us are ready for half of the things you want but you just don't listen. It's like you are always going around in circles, left to right, or backwards but you are never just simply moving forwards. Well I am always taking steps forward no matter what gets in my way. I just wish you could do the same. I just feel like a jack *** for even taking you back the second time because I just knew in my heart that you were going to do it again and then you did. Now I have the same thought in the back of my brain that's telling me that you will come back, but I don't know if I want to take you back ever again. I think I deserve so much better and I have worked my *** off to get to the place that I am, in my life. I love you so so so much and I would do anything for you, but that steel, brick, cement wall I built around my heart before is back up and I don't know if it will be coming down any time soon. I am just so sick of this heartache and I don't want to feel it anymore. 
Heartache124 Heartache124
18-21, F
3 Responses Jun 8, 2012

I wasted too many years being good to the wrong men. First my husband and then my fiance. I finally broke it off with the husband. Determined not to be a pacifier for a baby who can't grow up emotionally, who clams to feel love deeply but hurts me over and over whether it is physical or emotional. It takes a little time, but believe me it's better to be alone than to be in a crazy situation with someone. <br />
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And if you are young chances are very good that you won't be alone for long. You may even find you have to bat the men away. <br />
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And yes you can find someone who treats you well and loves you. But that isn't going to happen if you are tangled up with someone else. So, start living your life and let go of the bull ****. And for God sake don't wait until you are a lonely old regretful women to do it. Time goes by quickly, and you need to quickly access and let go of people who are going to bring you down and pull on your emotions to keep you in the game. Just refuse to play to play the game.<br />
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You should be saying things like "I feel so blessed". If you don't feel that way, you are headed down the wrong path. You don't need to fix it, you don't need to fix him, you need to take care of yourself.

Thanks :)

Sometimes, no matter how much you love someone, you keep getting hurt and disappointed. Think how life would be if you found someone who could return to you what you give to them.<br />
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My best wishes for you Heartache124