My Heart Is Still BrokenYou think that eventually you'll just get over it. Everyone goes through heartbreak. Everyone goes through pain. But I'm not everyone. It hasn't happened for me yet. I still feel the pain when I see him. He's the father of my children. He made promises to me. I trusted him with all of me. And...he didn't really want it. He really didn't want me. He thought I could save him in some way. That somehow I could fix the parts of him that were broken inside, but I couldn't. All I could do was love him and I did. With every fiber of my being I loved that man. It wasn't enough...I wasn't enough.
He cheated. Again and again I took him back. I wanted my family to be together. I wanted my marriage vows to have meant something. I meant it when I promised to love and cherish through the good and the bad times. And then one day he didn't come back. And I didn't beg him anymore. I told him to stay with her if that's what he really wanted...so he did.
It's been a really long time. 13 years of being alone, of being afraid. I'm pretty fearless sometimes, but not with my heart. I don't know how to put myself out there anymore. I don't date. I don't go clubbing. EP is the first thing that I've done and sometimes it's a little scary. I've made some good friends, I think. I've laughed out loud and flirted shamelessly. It's easy to do that because no one knows me here.
I feel that life is passing me by. What if I never meet him...the one who will love me? The one who will cherish me, who will hold me close and tell me it will be alright. Just thinking about it makes me cry.
some2soon 41-45, F 4 Responses 5 Jul 1, 2012