My Heart Is Still Broken

You think that eventually you'll just get over it. Everyone goes through heartbreak. Everyone goes through pain. But I'm not everyone. It hasn't happened for me yet. I still feel the pain when I see him. He's the father of my children. He made promises to me. I trusted him with all of me. And...he didn't really want it. He really didn't want me. He thought I could save him in some way. That somehow I could fix the parts of him that were broken inside, but I couldn't. All I could do was love him and I did. With every fiber of my being I loved that man. It wasn't enough...I wasn't enough.

He cheated. Again and again I took him back. I wanted my family to be together. I wanted my marriage vows to have meant something. I meant it when I promised to love and cherish through the good and the bad times. And then one day he didn't come back. And I didn't beg him anymore. I told him to stay with her if that's what he really he did.

It's been a really long time. 13 years of being alone, of being afraid. I'm pretty fearless sometimes, but not with my heart. I don't know how to put myself out there anymore. I don't date. I don't go clubbing. EP is the first thing that I've done and sometimes it's a little scary. I've made some good friends, I think. I've laughed out loud and flirted shamelessly. It's easy to do that because no one knows me here.

I feel that life is passing me by. What if I never meet him...the one who will love me? The one who will cherish me, who will hold me close and tell me it will be alright. Just thinking about it makes me cry.

some2soon some2soon
41-45, F
3 Responses Jul 1, 2012

When you least expect it, one door will open, and that other door will close. You will not even realize it and it will upon you. I believe that! I never thought that would happen for me and than meeting gave my the strength I needed to move forward again. I tend to trust too much and that has always been my biggest downfall because I put my whole heart into the trust and respect and when someone hurts me it effects me deeply. But you go on and you get stronger! One day you will open your eyes and see it right in front of your face and you weren't even searching. Be patient..let love find you. We all know you are worth we just have to get you too see that too...xoxo

Thank you for sharing. The people in this group feel your pain, most of us are still hurting, and will continue to hurt until the sun one day shines upon us again. Don't hide yourself away from the World, you're too good for that. Never let one person in this World make you doubt yourself, or make you feel like there's nothing left to fight for. We fight together, sister. I love you, I feel your pain. Be good to yourself and never forget you deserve nothing but happiness. xx

Things will get better for u we just have to keep taking small steps untill we feel brave enough to take the final leap

Thanks...that's what I'm trying to do.:)