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My Story

Chapter one
Crying from milton echos in this car. I close my eyes deep in worry. Such a lot has happened in 24 hours. I'm parked looking down the embankment to the hospital. I decide il ring my mum. She answers quickly "mum I've taken him to get checked out" I'm worried about my baby. I'm disturbed by the door being jurked open it's the father of my baby Cameron. Realising it's locked he banks on the window. " mum I have to go" opening the door he peers in I can't bear to see his expression. "what do you think your doing Sam'" iv come to have him checked out I explain. "what you going to tell them Sam" the truth I'm going tell them what happened " what u Thinks happened". All I know is I walked in and Milton was in his carry cot. His neck bent upwards trapped in the hood and screaming his young heart out. What am I suppose to think.
Back track to yesterday. We had spent the day together the whole week infact I thought we had slowly made up and in my mind things were getting better. I'd been working loads and he had been looking after Milton. Now I realise this would be the last week we would spend together. Sad really things have gone this way. Cameron and I have been together 3 and a half years. We've had so many problems but somewhere deep in my soul in the depths of my now broken heart I loved him from the first momment I set eyes on him. Like something deep inside me where faite bubbles I knew he would father me my child,my everything. Now I see maybe my deep love was only given to me because I knew that faite would give me my child. Maybe he was only there to do that and never to be my forever love. That's the first time my minds thought this.
Back to yesterday I lay head on his knee curled up embracing him. Breathing in his scent with every calm fully relaxed breath. He's fallen asleep and I'm about to soon. The familiar sound of his mobile alarm sounds. As I work out where the noise is coming from my slow working brain realises its from his left pocket he reaches in sliding back the lock he stops the annoying noise dead. This alarm has been calling me for days at th same time. As if preparing me for this pivot in our relationship. Pure habit he opens the Internet on his phone and within seconds my heart shatters again. The first page to pop up is some sort of Burnett model. He's been searching for **** again. I'm shocked I stay lay on his knee. I'm unsure how I feel what I want to do. Why again he's doing this to me. What was that , nothing he replys. Why am I so bothered to be honest it's because my bodies changed such a lot since having the baby and I'm ashamed he needed **** and not me. I jump up and go upstairs I need to think it through. When I'm ready to talk I go down satires and he's asleep. He knew what was coming and he's avoiding it. After awhile he awakes and somehow the argument arrupts and in angry he tells me the **** is because I don't put out. I won't waste hours of soul searching on this comment. Iv alway have put out, it's a joke even the words aI recall them. Why did I get so angry at the time at these childish words. Just because I found out he had been pulling his todger over a photography of some ramdom *****. He must have felt embarrassed. I got that angry I picked up the empty pizza box next to him and threw it straight for his head. It missed of course but he had to go I couldn't look a him one more second. I told him take his things And go. He did just that the lying coward. This anger boiled deep inside me for the rest of the day and night. After a day to think I get a call from him. " when am I going to see Milton a sharpe voice barks down the phone" my gut reaction is never u arse hole. Before I knew it the words slip out of my mouth. The wrong thing to say, I'm human I make mistakes. Just as I say it the anger boils and I put the phone down before he can reply. Hours later I call I tell him I'm upset about the **** and he says he's sorry but it's just not enough why isn't he acting on this. I feel the defeat in his voice. He doesn't want me at all and this was just another thing to prove it. I tell him he can see Milton I'm having a bath he can come and have him while I do. I go and run the bath the steam fills the room. Milton giggles as I fasten him in his bouncer his sparkling blue eyes peer at me interested in every word I say. I pour Molton brown bubble bath under the flow of the water and take a breath of the sweet smelling bubbles. With a small bit of hope of reconnecting with Cameron scents smell much sweeter. I de robe and plung into the bath the warmth over floods over my body emptying my stress. Moment after Cameron comes into the house "I'm upstairs " I hear him come up the staires. "I'm in the bath" without looking at me he walks in and picks up Milton without saying a word to me. I knew I had so much to say to him. My heart aches for him every time I see me. Iv been in love with this man for 3 1/2 years from the very first momen I saw him I fell. I'm out the bath dressed and make my way down the staires. " I think he needs feeding il get it" I precead to go into the kitchen and make the bottle up. My heart was thumping, u know when u just don't know what to think to feel. All your senses screaming. I go into the living room and he sits and begins to feed the baby. After a few moments of silence I say " is this what u wanted" I didn't know what to say anything that filled the silence. We talk for a few minutes he was sorry for what he said but he just wasn't saying it with conviction. He had already given up on tis. "but we just don't get along Sam" I understand that but I was very hurt Cameron iv done nothing wrong this time. " I just don't like you Sam" how could the same man be saying this as the one that was here not days ago. We have patched this up so many times but for love and now this man is saying he doesn't even like me? We begin to slate each other and I go out side for a cigarette I like the Marlborough light and breath in deeply. Cameron hates me smoking and I didn't for 9 months while carrying our son so I deserve to have a vice especially after the last couple of months stress. He comes out of the door quickly. He pats me on the back as he passes and says il see you in court and walks off wheather this action was to bother me I don't know but I shrug it off and go inside. As I enter the house I hear Milton screaming I wonder where he's been put. He's in his carry cot I walk up to it and see his neck is bent upwards as he's pushed right the way to the top. He's screaming his head of. I'm terrified he's hurt and pick him up straight away and hold him in my arms. Why would Cameron do that to my child. I get the phone and phone my mum telling her what's happened " should I take him the hospital mu m?" I'm so scared his neck is hurt. I nurse him in my arms as he crys. I ring his dad he doesn't answer so I try his mum and she doesn't. I text both and then try and comfort him. I just want to know how this has happened the moment I heads turned.
samscleverbox samscleverbox 22-25, F Aug 30, 2012

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