A Faded Flame.As the title states, the flame has faded. The ashes are still smoldering, but I honestly doubt anything is going to ignite it again.
I've known this girl for a good 3 years, been in a relationship with her for 2. A long distance relationship, mind you. I didn't think it would happen, but the more I talked to her the more I liked her. She felt the same. But somewhere something happened. She ended up being unfaithful. Saying she lost her faith in being with me, even though she still loves me. I was expecting that since her behaviour had been different for a few months, I could tell that something was wrong. I could even see it in her eyes. Hear it in the tone of her voice. I told her that I could understand it, as much as it hurt me. I told her I could forgive her this one time. Truth be told, I can't. It's been about 3 months now and I just can't trust her anymore. She still lies to me and doesn't treat me the way she used to. I've been betrayed and I'm the only one putting in any effort to keep the relationship alive. My only reason and motivation having been that I love her more than anything and that I'd rather die than losing her.
But now? I honestly don't know anymore. I'm tired of feeling unloved, unwanted. I'm tired of having to question her honesty. I'm just tired of it. Don't get me wrong, I still love her more than anything and I'd do anything to stay with her. But I've got too many problems already. Borderline depression, leaving 'memories' on my skin, this is just too much to handle aside from all the things besides it. This relationship, as it is right now, is litterally killing me.
I know that I have to move on and that I have to let her go. I just have no idea how. Love is all that I live for, I'm afraid I'll end up feeling like I have no purpose. Till I figure it out, I'll just sit here with my broken heart in my hands.
Synthrax 22-25, M 2 Responses 2 Aug 30, 2012