My Confession

It's been going on for almost 4 years. I watch a man that I love go through failed relationship after failed relationship, and after each one falls apart he contacts me. Why, I don't really know. Maybe I make him feel better by being around. I don't know. A few months ago I was invited to stay with him for awhile, we ended up getting to know each other more and became bestfriends. I was truelly gratefull for that chance. I realized when we were together we rushing into things, we never got to know each other. A month came and went and I didn't want to leave him, I wanted to stay, with him it was home to me. But I had my own life in a different town so I came home. After that we saw each other for a few more months, no we didn't get back together, it was more like enjoying each others company. I told him how I felt and we both agreed we loved each other but coudn't be together because we drove each other nuts at times. I've been in this cycle. I do this to myself all the time. I want him to be happy but I want him to be happy with me, not anyone else. I'm the one who brings him up when someone tears him down, I'm the one who would take a bullet for him if he was in danger, every fiber of my being screams for him, and every breath I take revolves around him. My heart hurts when I think of him with someone else but what can I do? I've tried to be everything to him but it wasn't enough. So I decided to disappear from his life. The way he disappears from mine. I don't want to but what else is there? I can't be on the back burner for the rest of my life and he can't keep wanting me whenever it's convient for him. I'm going to miss my bestfriend. I love him so much but I can't keep this up anymore.
Cralaista Cralaista
31-35, F
8 Responses Sep 5, 2012

Probably for the best.

It sucks.

He let me go finally. It happened a few weeks ago. He finally saw that he was hurting me. At first I was mad but after I thought about it I was relieved. I let him keep me like a bird in a cage. Setting me free was the best thing he could do for me. My heart is no longer broken, and though I will miss him, I will always remember the good times we shared.

I feel like i have walked where you walk and ultimatly, walking away is the best thing to do. I worked on it for years, being drawn back time and time again only to repeat this cycle. I wanted him to see me like i saw him, but he couldnt.

one day i let go.... it literally took years to let go, but i don't feel the pain anymore... and i only have the hope that he's happy. i'm happy to be free of that cycle.

I have the same relationship going on Although my "guy" in my life and i have a child together, So It may sound strange but be thankful you can "disappear" from his life, to get the time and clarity you clearly need and deserve. Take that time, Never say never; maybe one day he will grow up or maybe not. But your strong enough to walk away, maybe he will be strong enough to man up, Maybe not but you will never know if you keep doing this. You definetely owe it to your own sanity. and See what happens a year or more down the road. Maybe you were meant to be just not now, Or maybe he is simply someone you will always love and probably always love you it just couldnt work out sometimes life makes us miserable. I hope you are able to get peace of mind regardless.

You have to do what you have to do.....just move on.

Everyone makes sacrifices in life at one point or the other. You understand him and yourself better than the rest of us. From what I have learned in life is never to rush in on things, be patient. By reading your words, it appears that your love for this guy is true.

All I know is his ex basically treated him like scum and he continued to go back to her for almost 7 years. I understand he's messed up and then again who isn't. I just hope I'm making the right decision.

From what I have read here it sounds like he treats you the same way his ex treats him. At the end of the day you should make the choice that is best for you and only you know what is best for you.

That is quit strange, he must be blind. Not to see what he could have. It's quit possible he is scared he will just mess things up with you and he doesn't want too, or he might just want women that break him down. We are a strange lot of species that's for sure.