My Army Boyfriend Is Pushing Me Away

I've been dating my boyfriend for four months. He had enrolled in the army before I met him and he's leaving for boot camp in 6 weeks. Everything had been great so he asked me to stay with him until he gets out which is in 3 1/2 yrs. he moved in last month, my idea, I wanted to get to know him more before we made such a huge commitment. Three weeks ago he stopped having sex with me and when I asked him why he didn't want to he says " I don't know". I let it go but it bothers me and I've told him exactly how I feel and all he says is " I'm sorry it's my fault" I stay very active and I'm in great shape so I'm not sure what's going on... Last night, as the sex subject came up, he yelled at me asking me why sex was so important and that I had to stop " pestering" him about it. Today he said I was clingy and depressing and that I had changed. I don't think I've changed at all but him not wanting to be intimate has me insecure and I've been questioning the relationship. He admitted to me that he has been pushing me away on purpose because he doesn't want me to wait for him because I deserve someone by me. He asked me why he was so special that I wanted to wait so long for him and he also asked why I still loved him after him treating me like crap on purpose.. Which my answer was that I loved him. My said he was sorry and that he loved me and wanted the relationship to work out.
At this point, I'm not sure on what to do. Any advice would be extremely appreciated :) thanks!!!
Jaylia22 Jaylia22
26-30, F
1 Response Sep 8, 2012

Maybe he has many reasons for not having sex with you! it doesn't mean that he is fed up with you or he doesn't like you anymore. Maybe he is stressed, army is a very stressful experience for some men...What you should do? In my opinion, have a conversation with him without pressuring him about the sex subject and explain to him that you love him and you just want to feel close to him and that by the way he is treating you he is pushing you away. Ask him if anything concerns him or makes him nervous, if there is a problem, if he has a situation in his life you are not aware of..I hope he can open up and talk about it with you, so you can help him deal with whatever he has been facing..

Thank you for your reply!
I tried your approach and as I sat down to just talk to him he would not open up about anything at all then I brought up the sex subject in a casual non attacking way and he got very mad about it. It's been a battle just trying to communicate with him when it comes down to letting him know how I feel and how the entire situation is making me feel and he still not opening it up. Everytime I try to talk to him about it he just gets mad and shuts downs.

I just really think that the only solution to your problem is conversation..and you have to figure out how you should have one real conversation with your boyfriend if you really want this to work out... :/

He is already in basic training and we have been writing letters back and forth. I really think he was just nervous and was afraid I was going to break up with him before he left. Thank you so much for the advice, it got me thru my emotional battle. We are doing really good. I get so happy every time I hear from him :)