Metaphorically Speaking

The only thing in my life i have ever wanted was true love, somehow i always had been able to get love, from those I loved most.

I always have been able to get what i want most, but never been able to keep it.
Is it worth all the pain?
If you know how it feels to be truly happy and then loose it?
Sometimes i feel the moments you have it are worth the pain.
Or am i just stupid?
I love and get left.
This past year I have had:
My fiance left me becuase, he was blackmailed by his family.
Begain to love a man, who ditched me when i was vonrable, becuase he wanted someone who would have his child straight away, although his reason was that I was too good for him.
And reasently the man who seems so perfect for me, who thought i was for him too, does not feel that way anymore.
I want to stop with love for a while, but even though i never look for it, it keeps finding me.
I wish that i could find a man i love, but who loves me more, in hope of not getting hurt again.
Or be unable to love anymore.
How much room can a heart have for those who have left you, mine already hurts over 2.
I can't trust the word "love" anymore, when it is said to me.
I can't take anymore, why am I doomed?
BrokenTwiceIn1Yr BrokenTwiceIn1Yr
18-21, F
2 Responses Sep 9, 2012

Awe, your pain sounds all too familiar. I think my life has been this way and I've lived it for many years, dating for a few years, breaking up and finding somebody to date soon after before the previous pain was healed. I don't know if this is true for you but in my experience, for me,no matter how much I give or how much I overlook certain unfavorable traits in lovers, it seems to end up in lonliness. I have come to a theory about myself in that I've cultivated a kind of dependency on a man's love instead of generating it for myself. What's funny is that I do consider myself a very strong person but no one can love you as well as you can know what you need to love yourself. After you learn to develop this, which takes time so you gotta be alone for a time but then you will not allow these men to come into your life and demand things from you.<br />
I know I don't know you at all but yours words sound so familiar and I see a younger version of myself in your frustrations.

It is terrible. How can someone go from being all about you and your relationship then just all of a sudden well am just not into you anymore? Heartbreak is the worst pain you can ever feel. I am at that stage i can settle down and be 100% about someone and all its done is break me down, I don't even have the drive anymore, I meet someone with potential and I think will you cheat on me, end up being a loser or a ***** or will you just quit on us one day? That's a bleak Outlook but that's how I feel due to past relationships.

Yeh, i dont believe i have ever been physically cheeted on, but ive had boyfriends flirt online and sorta sneek around talking to other girls in ways they shouldnt, so who honestly knows. But i do know the feeling of being sick of getting your heart broken becuase they change their mind, or some stupid reason. I have really only been broken twice, both in the past year, but hurt over and over. im sure you have more experiance in this area as me. Eventually ill get over, or at least accept it and move on. probably get broken a few more times. But i just cant take anymore this yr.

Take time for yourself, well I might be getting old but I've only feel in love 3 times that turned into long relationships. I learned a lot except for this last one...I was as good as I could be and just got ditched. You might have more heartbreaks ahead or the next one could be the right one, you just never know, but my hopes aren't high for me :) I get the short end of the stick.