Is Love Not For Me? I'm Beginning To Think It Is Not...



UPDATE 9/19/12

At a going away party for a friend of mine this week another friend and his wife who actually work with my ex said they wanted to talk to me. They told me that my ex had told them that she didn't want this to be permanently over? She said she did this for me so I could better myself and figure out what I want to do with my life. She told them she was upset that I had not talked to her in almost 2 weeks.
I do not know what to do! I do not feel it is my job at this point to reach out and talk to her. I put myself out there for weeks only to be turned down. Am I wrong in thinking at this point if she wants to see if we can work things out that she needs to initiate things?

Story
So to make a long story short, my girlfriend of 6 years left me 2 months ago. She was my best friend and my world. Three years ago she decided she wanted to go to law school. I was sad that we would be apart, but I wanted her to achieve her dreams and I was supportive of it. When she finished school last year she moved back home and found a job at a local firm. I thought that was great because I have had a job here for 10 years and we would be able to live close to our families.

Things went well at first, but then the work load kicked in and she was working 70-80 hours a week and on the road 2-3 days a week. It was terrible! She would only get to sleep for a few hours each night. It was wearing on her, and it was very evident to everyone who knew her. We decided she needed to look for another job. She applied for two different jobs and got interviews from both. One firm was located about 10 miles away, and the other one was supposed to be about 60 miles away. Both seemed really great until after the interviews. The second firm was actually interviewing to fill a position at another branch that was almost 3 hours from home. The problem is she wanted that job more. I liked the first one because it did not require me to leave my job or for us to move away from our families. Through some talks and arguements, she chose the local job. After being there for 3 days she more or less decided that I ruined her career and was going to leave me to pursue success. I was devistated... how could she do that to me after 6 years?

She literally threw me away like a piece of garbage. I basically lost my whole life in the breakup. Everything I have done for the past 6 years revolved around being with her. She also didn't feel like I was doing enough with myself. That was also a crushing blow because while I do not make a lot of money, I am very good at what I do and I take pride in the fact I have held the same job through high school and college. A career is important to me, but being a loyal husband and loving father has always been my top priority. She has left me feeling inadequate, betrayed, worthless, and broken. I don't feel like I am worthy of being someone's husband or a child's father.

The whole thing is very puzzling because she cries when we talk and says she still loves me and cares about me. She says she can't ask me to wait on her to figure her life out... I don't even know what that really means. I do not know what to do. I still love her and miss her, but I don't know how she can say she loves me after what she has done to me. I would never have picked a career over her.

About a month after the break up I went a car show/ racing event with my firends that I go to every summer. Through some crazy twist, an old friend from that area met up with us and brought his sister. We sort of hit it off and have kept talking. She is really cool and I feel like she has her priorities in order. But is it too soon? Am I capable of loving someone else? Should I be waiting to see if my ex gets her stuff together? I am just really lost because I don't want to hurt anyone or myself. Even if I waited on my ex and she turned around, could I trust her not to quit on me again?

I hate this! I have seriously been thinking about enlisting in the Navy and forgetting about ever having a family.
Jshums18 Jshums18
26-30, M
4 Responses Sep 15, 2012

I guess it depends how much you want it and if you can work things out or not.. Maybe you could make contact.. its really up to you how much you want to sort it out..

Hi, I'm sorry to hear about this, it does sound like a difficult situation. You sound like a great guy who has his priorities in order! I hope u don't give up on love, I do think you need more time to heel yourself because diving into another relationship isn't the answer. You should keep talking and c how things develop over the next few months, and this will give u a great foundation to start a relationship if you decide you still want to! Your ex doesn't deserve you if she chose her career over you, I would try to move on! I wish u all the best :)

this is a hard one becuase everyone has a different oppinion. If you want mine, your probably not ready for another relationship, try just being her friend for a few more months, if something happens on its own, fair enough, but dont jump into it. I also believe its possible for you and your ex to work things out, if you love her more than anything wait a few months, if it comes 4 months and she has not figured it out, or hs decided it wont work, then move on. I just dont want you to jump into something else and give up on all those years you had with someone you obviously love so much, when it could still work out. As you will regret it later on, wondering about all the what if's that might have been. inbox me anytime you need x

im sorry to hear that. i was always the opposite never wanted a career and always put family first. i ended a relationship of 9 years and jumped straight into another one.. its not a good idea, you need time to heal. I resisted the second relationship to start with, but he really liked me i thought and i ended up falling for him so hard that i was devastated when 9 months later he left me.,

We had problems but he said he loved me afterwards too, but he changed his mind so much, i knew we would never get back together.. i think you have to let go, but not start another relationship until you know youre ready

Thank you. I have really been trying to let go. I want to be able to because I can't beleive her when she says she still loves me. It doesn't make sense to say that and do what she has done. And I have been very upfront with this new person that I can not jump into a relationship right now. We are only talking... which has been good for me. She knows that if it moves forward it will be a slow process.

be careful, because thats how things started with us, just friends but i knew after a while he wanted more and even though i resisted and he thought it was a rebound thing, it got to be more than that..

i think as you were the one on the receiving end of th break up like i am now, its hard to get over that person quickly. its been 4 months for me and i know im still not ready for another relationship.

he said he loved him afterwards loads.. but he recently told me he had always been in love with someone else, so you never really know!!

Just take it slow and make sure you are ready and not pining over the previous relationship..

Also, it was very very hard for me to let go, i was always thinking that maybe we could get back together n he even hinted at it at one point, but then goes back on it.. im now trying to cut him out of my life n move on but it isnt easy..

Yes I am trying to get my head sorted out before I make any relationship decisions. It just would not be fair to anyone right now.

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