Letter From My Dying Best Friend Saying Goodbye...

My best friend Matt suffered from heart failure, he needed a emergency heart transplant, but passed away 4 weeks later from 'acute rejection'... this is the letter he wrote me before he died saying goodbye..

To Amy,
i know you hate goodbyes, so i'm kinda glad your not with me in the hospital because this is my goodbye letter, just in case i don't make the operation, but no negative thoughts right? i have to tell you that when you came to Luton for the summer, i didn't want to get close to you, not to get attached because it would be more painful for me to say goodbye. but i failed, its too hard not to see you :) We watched each other grow from the age of 7, we saw the days pass together, you never left my side, even when my heart condition got bad, i admit we have had our problems, our fights but they only ever last about 2 minutes:) the only ever argument we have ever had was when you stayed at my house for a week and you didn't cook me breakfast and i got upset:( i mean it doesn't kill someone to chuck some bacon in the oven does it ;) but thank you for all the times when i have been upset like when my Nan died and your response was to bring two tubs of ice cream and hot chocolate and you stayed with me all the time i was upset, which always made me feel better:) you know there are so many memories that can't even fit into a book, so many laughs, cries, smiles that are all engraved into my heart (p.s don't worry, even though i'm getting a new heart does not mean the memories will be lost) they will last forever :) you have always found the best in me and simply for that i feel blessed, not blessed for having you, but blessed for knowing you will be by my side.

you know iv'e come to terms with the fact that i will never see you again:( i know it will be incredibly more painful for me than it will be for you, but when i am gone, take a deep breath princess and start a new day smiling knowing i am watching over you. i know things will get extremely painful and strange at first but promise me one thing? that you miss Clark will never change who you are, you are simply the most remarkable, beautiful person i know, but i do need to tell you something though because i think you deserve to know , i like you so much more than friends, i honestly fell for you the second i met you. but i know that we could never be together because i was dying and it wasn't fair on you :( but thank you for making everyday with you fantastic, i knew that your smile would get me through the rainy days that made your hair curly, but i didn't care, you looked beautiful either way:) i still remember November 2nd when you came to the hospital and dragged me out of bed and brought me a McDonald's because you refused to let me eat hospital food, and you took me to the place we first met on October 23rd and we sat for hours talking about college and i promised you that i will walk you on your first day of college because i know you will be scared:) i'm still going to do that even though i'm not here...

Amy, i don't want you to go through life feeling like nothing, because to me? you're my everything, don't let them ******* bring you down, because you're honestly amazing for everything you do!! don't let anyone tell you different:) i just want you to know that i'm not giving up in life, i do passionately want to survive to see you again, you're the reason i'm not giving up, You know what ? when the doctor's told me i only had a 10% chance of surviving this operation, it made me realize.. you're that 10% of hope, because you make me feel alive :)  You know i love you so much as a best friend and even more, go and enjoy your life Amy, fall in love, have a family and be married. i am so proud of you Amy for everything you have achieved so far, just remember i will be watching over you every step of the way, even though you're beautiful, independent and strong enough to go through life without me there:)

anyway clarkie;) i'm going, i love you and will always remember you , go and make something amazing with your life, also if your ever hit a tough stage in your life, just bring a tub of ice cream and come sit by my grave and cry your little heart out, i will always be listening, i know that sounds weird but if your upset i want you to talk to someone about it , (A.K.A) me!! , goodbye my beautiful best friend, thank you for the most amazing 9 years i could ever ask for!! love Matt aka number 1 bestfriend xxxxx
amyhannah amyhannah
22-25, F
37 Responses Oct 17, 2012

This is the most Beautiful Letter ever written!!!!
Your Blessed Ms.Clark 🍁🌿🍂

awww!!! thats really a very sweet and sad letter.. i really end up crying after reading this..hope you are doing well <3

Hey there girl,
I know exactly how you feel. My best friend who I've known my entire life, the boy who's now my fiancé, has cancer. I'm sitting next to him while writing this, he's lying on a hospital bed. I love him more than I've loved anyone else. He wrote me a letter too and put it under my pillow. I found it a week later. I cried so much whilst reading it. He's been in hospital ever since. I don't know what I would do without him. I wish you the best for the future honey.
Lots of love
Aliya xxxx

Omg I'm crying, what a beautiful friendship you have, I'll pray for him and i hope he can survive and be with the one he loves (you) ((hug))

So terribly sorry for your loss. Stay strong beautiful mkay? Matt must be a really nice guy and hes watching over you. My prayers, soul, and heart goes out to you.

Sorry for your loss

I am sorry for you . . I am almost crying myself. Be strong for him and your you!! :)

im so sorry ..this is horrible ..be strong hun!

broke my heart...sweet

Oh, I forgot to add that Matt will be looking over you and you will make it far in life :)

That was a very beatiful letter, thank you for sharing it. Hopefully your doing good right now and im kind of curious, are you going to be an olympic diver? If so good luck on what ever you decide to do, I also am going to be in a sport despite people deeming it impossible.
Good luck and take care :)

thank you, it means so much to me:) i am, hopefully if the trails go okay:) also good luck to you in what ever sport you are doing, nothing is impossible! i got told i wouldn't make the Olympic diving team and i have so don't take any notice of it, so good luck and thank you:)

Thank you too. Im going to be a boxer. Im not a violent person or anythng but im that not sure how to explain the love I have for it. At first, I just fell in love with it, then I realized I could help ppl with what I make, I actually have a story on it. Anyways, when your in the olympics ill support you and maybe well meet one day.

aww thank you, your support means a lot, it makes me happy knowing that you are so passionate about it, well i hope your boxing takes you somewhere amazing and hopefully it will take you to the Olympics, i have all my faith in you!

Do you want to be friends?

yeah sure:)

Ok, I wanted to message u but your profile's blocked

it shouldn't be! is your filter on in settings? it might prevent you from messaging me!

I checked my profile settings and changed them but your profile's still blocked. So im not sure

i sorted it, you should be able to now!

6 More Responses

Omg....my heart goes out to you. My prayers to his family and you ;(
This is so sad yet, so beautiful. Matt had a heart of gold.
I know it's painful sometimes..... but remember not only how you both spent time together and how he lived....but live the way he would like you to live your life. Hang in there....be strong...stay beautiful.

thank you so much, it truly means a lot! Matt really did! thank you for taking the time to read this! as hard as it will be i will really try to stay strong!

so sorry it is a painfull when u lossing some1 like that

yeah it really is!

That's so touching :(

What a beautiful letter. I hope he makes it!

I know what it's like to lose a loved one at such a young age. When I was 17 I broke up with my boyfriend who was 16, because I was graduating and wanted to go to college single. He was so distraught that he drove his Camero into the side of bangetor hwy. And commited suicide. Right in front of my parents home. Believe me I suffered alot of guilt. And I kinda feel that it effected my future relationships. But you have to remember the good times and know that he is in heaven. You have your whole life ahead of you, I am 34 now, and I have a child. I have alot to live for now, and love my kid. You can be strong, and move on and one day have a family of your own. Always treasure his letter, but dont ever let it get you down:) good luck god bless.

oh my god sweetie you shouldn't of felt any guilt at all, its' amazing that you stayed as strong as you did! and i do try to remember the good times, it is hard at times though! i'm happy that you were able to move on, your child is very lucky to have you! i'm worried about the future though, i always hoped to of lived my life with him and be happy.. but thank you for your kind words though, god bless to you and your family!

Its so touching about your story, i could not control myself, anyway always be good and strong....take care too...

i'm sorry about that! thank you, you to!

Hey so, I just recently went through something similar. He was my best friend since age 8. We got engaged at 17 and right b4 he passed away from cancer we got married at 18 (that was not even 2 months ago). He left me saying not to give up on love similar to how Matt said for you to get married and have a life. I just wanted to let you know that there is someone else (me) out there who is going through something similar. I just realized that now after reading your story, thank you for sharing it. If you ever do want to vent, talk to me on FB. I'll comment my link next, but please delete it after you use it...IF you use it. Thank you. Hope you're doing ok, or at least better than I've been doing.

thank you so much for commenting and telling me, it must be devastating, i just looked on your fb page, you two are a beautiful couple, I am so saddened to hear of your husband's passing. I am so very sorry. You have my very deepest sympathy. I know the terrible grief you are feeling and the pain is still very hard to take at times. to be totally honest i have not been doing great, i will defiantly be using fb to talk to you, i need someone who is going through something similar.

i wud like to share ur story on ma fb page..btw u have made me cry...u have had some1 who reali cares 4 u n loves u truely :) GuD LIfE <3 GBU!!!!

sure you can share it on fb, i don't know who you are but i appreciate it:) i'm sorry the letter made you cry though, but thank you for reading:) &lt;3

WOW. U are very lucky to have this person watching over you. Smile Always.

Wow, I got the chills! You were truly loved!!!! What a wonderful man and friend you had or have!!

That's so beautiful. You're so lucky to have Matt :) Thanks for sharing :)

That is the most beautiful thing I have ever read. God bless your precious friend's beautiful heart for leaving you with such a touching, incredible gift. God bless you too. I know how your heart must feel. Just know that Matt can hear every word you say to him and can hear every thought you have of him. He is around you whenever you want him there. Allow yourself to believe it. You are very lucky to have had someone love you so incredibly. I hope you find that love again someday.

heartbreaking. goosebumps.
You must be something truely special Amy :)
Lovely to read, the loyalty he had to you is beautiful :)

Matt has that effect on people:) it means a lot that you commented:) thank you for taking the time for reading this anyway:)

It Touches the Heart.. im sorry for ur loss.. :( i know how it hurts but hey.. his a great person and he is now with God. :) SMILE

honestly it's fine, this letter and the memories we shared are the only thing making me smile:) i'm happy knowing he is safe in heaven now! thank you for taking the time to read and your comment mean's a lot to me:)

That was a truly beautiful letter your best friend wrote to you.

thank you:) i appreciate that you took the time to read this:)

its hard to not be sad, i'm sure you'll find a way to celebrate his living by cherishing all those beautiful memories.....thanks for sharing.

your welcome, the memories we shared are the only reason i have a smile on my face:) even though Matt had a tough time he always found the best in life and smiled always, for that i'm the proudest person i can be! thank you for reading.

Your welcome, how about a step better than being strangers. perhaps we can talk sometime ?

yeah sure, i wouldn't mind

Great, You have your profile turned off or something, can you pm me please....

1 More Response

OMG that is so sad im so sorry

it's okay :) thank you for reading his letter:)

There are no words to lose someone so young... Be strong for Matt I am sure he will watch over you always... God bless

he was only sixteen, no one at that age deserved to die so young:( i will always stay strong for him:) thank you reading his letter anyway:)


i'm so sorry you lost your friend Matt as well, i hope your staying strong through this tough time, my prayers go to you and thank you:)

I have also lost people I really loved and I was actually led to this post because I was thinking of my late sister. All I have to say is you are blessed to have had such an amazing experience with such an amazing person and now that he will be looking over you I am sure it will only get better. The grief never really goes away, just gets easier to handle but they are really always there though.

i'm so sorry for your loss, my prayers go out to you and your family:( your comment made me tear up, i feel blessed for knowing such an amazing person! it's such a shame that a good people like Matt and your sister are taken from this world!

Very sweet. I hope that you realize soon that it is better to celebrate his life than to mourn your loss.

OMG ! What a heart renching story...I pray that you have peace and that was such a lovely letter that it made tears fill me eyes. What a great firendship you had the love was definetly there and I could only ask for the same type of relationship...{{{hugs to you Amy and know that MAtt would want you to be at peace}}}}

thank you for your prayers, they honestly mean a lot to me:) i'm sorry that it made you tear up :( and thank you for the hugs:)

Dear amy... here is a free huge hug :) I'm sure he is now safe in peace :) GBU

thank you for the hug:) i feel relieved knowing he is safe, makes me happy knowing he is no longer in pain:)

Thank you for sharing that. I am so so sorry for your loss; you have such a mutual bond of love and admiration; I can see that. God Bless.

your welcome, people deserved to know there are amazing people in the world like Matt!:) and it's fine, that mutual bond is strong, that's what's keeping me going:)

Uhm, I just want to ask you ppl how she is blessed? She had a gret friendship but in the end her heart was ripped out! He died, and madrockstar he isn't going to get better...uhhh...you moron. I am so sorry you lost your friend Amy, it had to be hard! :'( but he clearly loved/loves you girl. I would cherish that forever, and you made me cry when I read this, because no one loves me enough to do something like that. You were obviously a very great person and deserved a good friend. More people should be like you!

i'm so glad someone finally commented reminding people that i'm not blessed, because i'm not:) and it's okay, his love is keeping me to stay strong, and don't be silly! there is always someone in this world that loves you enough, i can assure that:) and honestly.. Matt was the great person, more people should be like him for the kindness and love he gave to people, i just had the amazing opportunity of being best friends with him! he made me the person i am today:)

You are blessed :o)

i don't feel it, but thank you any way :)

my gosh, so sorry. what a beautiful friendship and bond you two had...

it's okay:) that bond we had wont ever leave:)