I Can't Imagine Life Without Her

About a month ago my girlfriend broke up with me. We'd been together for over 2 and a half years, living together for the last one and a half years. I moved half way across the country for her.

Toward the end she gained a new guy friend. She says that she isn't attracted to him and that he didn't affect her decision to break up with me. I want to believe her but it's really hard. It was driving me insane, so while she was showering one day I read some of her text messages. He was calling her cutie, and she was complaining that he didn't visit her at work often enough. And she wished that she was snuggling in bed with him right then. In my mind friends don't really snuggle in bed with each other, but that might just be me. Is that a normal thing for friends to do?

She says that she still wants to be friends with me. We know each other the best out of anyone in the world. She has been my best friend for years, and I hers. But it feels like she talks more to her new guy friend than she does with me. She goes and stays the night at his house. She watches movies with him (and she HATES to watch movies). It just feels like there is more there than she is saying. It feels like she is trying to deceive me. Am I just being paranoid?

A few days ago I asked her to move out. It's been really difficult for me to see her most days. And to know how much time she is spending with her new guy friend. She started looking for a new place and wanted somebody to go with her to check them out. Me being her best friend, was the one that went with her. And I still love her and want to make sure she has a good life. But after a couple days of preparation for her to leave, I decided I couldn't go through with it. I don't have any other friends in this part of the country. I'm not very good at making friends, and work at a small business where nobody is close my age. I don't think I could survive all alone out here. It turned out she didn't really make enough money to live on her own anyway, so it was better for her that I changed my mind. I ended up catching a glimpse of a text from the new guy friend after she told him that she would probably be staying with me (In the second bedroom). It was something like "So then I still can't ever come over". That made it seem really weird. Why would he ever not have been welcome? I don't know him. I've never met him. I'm kinda suspicious of him. But I don't hate him. Before my girlfriend broke up with me, I had actually told her she should invite him over to play games. But for some reason he though that he wasn't allowed to come over. So I asked my ex if he thought I hated him. And she said he didn't. So the only other reason I can think of that he wouldn't think he could come over is if she told him he couldn't. Which makes me think more that she is hiding something. Because of this feeling that she is hiding something it is extremely difficult to trust her. And makes me uncomfortable. My mind is always racing with horrible things that they could be doing. I've brought up my concerns with her before, because I had nobody else to talk to about them, and she couldn't believe that I would think such things. Am I a horrible person for thinking that she could be doing things with this new guy? And even if she is, what does it matter, her and I aren't together anymore. I guess I just want to know if I can trust her.

But after all of this, it really doesn't matter. The only reason I haven't moved back across the country to my true home, is because of our lease. In 6 months our lease is up and I'll be gone. I'll never see her again. That breaks my heart to think about. Even with the crappy past month, of me questioning everything she did and said. And me going insane over little things that probably meant nothing. She is still my closest friend. The person that knows me the best. And I can't imagine not having her around.
Rodel30 Rodel30
18-21, M
2 Responses Dec 3, 2012

The pain of heartbreak is something that cannot be put into words; it kills us inside and makes us feel empty. That pain can lessen in time but it is not easy of course, but then again nothing in life is easy, is it? I wish you happiness and hope that will find someone who deserves the love that you wish to give and does not create confusing situations such as these for you. I know that one someone acts as though they care for you and then turns around and says and does things that you would never in a million years expect...well...it affects everything...mental health, physical health, friendships/relationships in general...take care of you...again..TAKE CARE OF YOU!!

Oh , man. Don't be a sucker. The same thing happened to me, and trust me, it's more than just friends. I tortured myself with the same thoughts for months, and all I can say, is end it and leave with your dignity, man.. Don't be a fool.