Help Me Out Of This Please.

I met a girl when i was 15. I was kind of reserved and shy boys those times, i rarely talked to girls, had very less friends . The friendship was initiated by her, as the time passed by we became best friends . She would talk with me whenever i was alone , would give a shoulder whenever i was hurt, would console me through my bad times and would always cheer me up. Time passed by and I fell in love with her. It was early winters, we were having our regular chit chats and i asked her if she had fallen in love anytime , she denied. At that moment i told her whatever was in my heart, i told her that i had fallen in love with her. I didn't got any reply for long and then i realized the mistake i had committed , I fell in love with my best friend,. The girl who trusted me the most, i had hurt her feelings and broken the pure and innocent friendship bond. next day she said that we can again begin but we will be normal friend. I knew she was unwillingly doing it for my happiness, but she was unable to drag this relation too far. we stopped talking to each other, time passed by she was again normal as nothing ever happened, I was also trying to move on by forgetting her, meanwhile i was transformed to a rude a carefree guy, i lost another close friend and started believing friendship, love emotions do not exist in real world. I started moving on once again in pace with life. An year passed by.
Today i have lost my all friends and i don't care anymore about them,i keep my cell off most of the time to avoid annoying calls from my friends and family(yes the friendly talks now seems annoying) . But sometimes something strikes to me and i feel like crying, getting isolated from everyone, like something inside my head is trying to come out. And i realized its all stuff that i suppressed a long ago, these are the feelings , emotion which i killed a long ago, are they still alive ?the answer is yes, I still love her more than anything in this world and miss my all friends badly. but i don't know there is something inside my head which is protecting me to turn back , which says she didn't even cared to look back , never noticed your silence then why you should go back, maybe the same happens again? how will you survive again ? Can u bear the pain of loosing her one more time ? . And i loose every time with myself. I can no more overcome this dilemma and i can never forget her and my friends.
Its really hard for me .Help me out please its too dark in here. :(
TrueLies882011 TrueLies882011
18-21, M
Dec 3, 2012