Heartbroken And Lonely

Im hoping one day my sad stories will change and I will have nothing but good and happy thoughts and stories! But for now Im still gloomy. I received good advice from ppl on EP. But for now Im still gloomy, down, lonely and depressed. Its beautiful here in ******. The temp is suppose to hit 70. In Dec, imagine that! I guess I can count that as one good thing I have going for me or not. It may be better for me if it were raining so I'd have an excuse to stay indoors and be depressed. Anyway, Ive decided to get dressed and go out. Im forcing myself to go out. Not sure if I want to walk or drive. Not sure where Im gonna go either. Dont have any "real" friends I avoid the ones I use to have they havent heard from me since Ive been depressed. So I figure they dont care. Then I have family I can visit but we have nothing in common but the blood that runs through our veins. The moment they find out what Im going thru I'll be in the evening gossip column. My lover dissed me a long time ago and it still hurts. Im angry at myself because Im fiftyone yrs old, allowed myself to be taken here and cant shake this horrible feeling of heartache. One suggestion I got from EP is probably my best bet but I guess Im really not ready to let go because Im not willing to delete his email addr or phn # completely. If I did theres still ways of get'n it again. Does that make sense? Do I like feeling this way? Heartbroken that is. Im not sure how to fix the part of being lonely no friends etc..
But Im determined to go out and enjoy the weather if only for a few minutes. Im at the point where Im wondering if this life is even worth living anylonger. Dont worry no suicide here!
MsSweetea MsSweetea
51-55, F
2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

I have to wonder if I should worry at the end it reads "Don't worry no suicide here!" I just have to wonder considering you felt the need to point that out

Although sometimes I dont care if I live or die, I would never commit suicide! If you go back to my first story you read which was the last story I wrote you should see my outlook for the future has changed When I first came to EP I my mood was very sad now Ive changed it to somewhat sad

"baby steps to the door" What about Bob it seems you are very focused on what's missing in your life you should try just going out and having fun and let the other stuff happen naturally

I agree! You are young but u sound very intellegent and wise Have u writen a poem on "baby steps to the door"? that sounds interesting Im sure u can do something awesome with that I'll keep checking back to see if you've added something new

No it's a line from a Bill Murray film I think you'd enjoy What About Bob? thanks I hear that alot just wish it helped more with the ladies I'm just the sweet guy when they all want bad oh woe is me

1 More Response

A little sunshine won't make the confusion go away, but just for a moment, a second if you let it, let that sunshine in and let it warm your soul. And make that a moment for you, not an old memory of him.

I smiled in my car today for the first time. Driving no place in particular, I suddenly realised I was wearing my jacket on inside out and I looked mad. But, it made me smile. And that smile was just for me. How strange to think that I made progress with a smile over something so daft.

Hope you made it outside. It's a good step to take.