My Goodbye

I miss you. I miss your touch. Your love. Your hugs. The way you made me know life was going to be ok. I miss you even though I know you don't miss me. I love you even though you don't love me. Our relationship mattered to me. Your love mattered to me. Because in my life you mattered to me. And even though you've succeeded at forgetting me, I will never forget you. I carry you around in my heart and I will always do that. Even though you really don't deserve to be there, I can't pluck you out. In my heart you're safe and you're warm and you're a success and you're loved. I know that it will kill me forever, for you to be there. But there you will stay. I know that just because I love you, doesn't mean you have to love me. I know that just because you're my best friend, doesn't mean I am yours. I am sorry I wasn't enough for you to pick me. I'm sorry you swept me up in the most convincing lie that you loved me. I'm sorry I can't move on as easily as you have. I'm just a girl that loves you. Without any pressure or problems. Just love. It will never turn to hate because that's not me. I won't become bitter and cold. I won't become full of hate and anger. I love. That's who I am. And it's ok that you don't feel that way. It's ok that you walked away. But I will not hate you. I will not forget you. You brought me too much happiness, to ever try to put you in a box and forget about. But that's ok too. And I know I'll always bleed inside. And that it will hurt through my day and nights. And maybe one day soon when I've paid off my debts and I leave, maybe you'll find a whisper of a moment when you remember something I said or did that made you feel complete. But maybe you won't. And that's ok. I love you. And that's ok too.
StormLight StormLight
31-35, F
31 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Hang in there Storm. You sound like you have great capacity for love. there is someone out there that needs what you have to offer :)

Powerful. And I feel exactly the same way.
My Dream Girl, you will never see this woman's beautiful words, but these words are what my heart speaks for you.

This is good. How are you doing now since writing this I wonder? I am feeling these desperate feelings only a couple days after a breakup. How are you feeling since December? Do you still carry him with you?

You speak my heart

Beautiful things to say... As if he can read all of this from u... Sad....

This is the absolute worst feeling in the world.

This is exactly how I feel. The man I loved endlessly, just broke my heart in an email after being together for 2 1/2 years. And just in case I didn't understand his email, he reiterated it in a text. I am devastatingly heartbroken. I hope someday I can get over him, but for now, everything reminds me of him and its going to be an uphill climb. I'm so sorry for your pain, but your story is beautiful and inspiring and for that, I thank you!

i am beyond all the mushy stuff.

what i feel now is hate.

You'll get past it. I did too. I gave myself one full moon, to feel the pain. I gave myself two full moons, to feel the hate. Then I gave myself three full moons to understand. Sounds strange I know. But I had to do it. And I created music playlists for each new cycle. There was a target, an 'end date' if you like. But don't live there. Hate consumes. Learn from it but don't live with it.

I'm going through a break up after 9 years together...he had proposed to me...and now he is gone. Your words honestly describe exactly how my heart feels....I'm not alone....thank u...

That sucks

Your words are amazing! I cried reading this!

I'm feeling this right now too. My husband wants a divorce and I don't.

Your words perfectly describe what I'm currently feeling with my husband (we're separated).Thank you for reminding me that I'm not the only one experiencing these feelings.

That's exactly how I feel right now. I'm going through the worst time of my life. After 10 years my boyfriend just said goodbye. no explanation, nothing. Gone in the wind. It hurts so much sometime I can't even breath! It's been 4 months and I still can't sleep. I'm a mess! so sad... i really hope this feeling end quickly!
Your words are beautiful!

Your situation resonated with me from a relationship that ended this summer; I still cannot move past her, but your words are helpful in my acceptance and moving on so thank you

xxx you are a beautiful person

i wish i was as strong as you are ive just gone through a pretty bad break up after two years of me loveing her she never really loved me, at least thats the way it feels.

wow thats exactly what i'm still going though. it still feels like only yesterday that we split but it has been a few months. hugs to you, you wrote it beautifully!




you are a very strong person. you deserve someone better.. ^____^

Wow that brought tears to my eyes. That spoke from the depts of my soul. My feelings exactly. I think I sent him an email with almost those exact words. Not to gloat in your pain but it helps to know there is someone going through what I am feeling, We are all different but all human. Some ppl are able to just brush it off. Some need to express their feelings. Some retiliate to extreme messures. Some go into depression. Even tho Im sad I believe Im trying to fight it and I believe my first step to healing is by reaching out to others I am so glad to have found EP. Bless you!

You wrote exactly what I feel :)

@ EP User
Your words strike a chord with my thoughts...and aside from this, its my birthday as well in December. The days are far to long and the nights drive me insane. A lot of other websites talk about this No Contact - sigh. That's what he did / is doing to me. He left me in the span of 20mins, on a Saturday and hasn't spoken to me since. Together for 7 years (this Christmas in fact)... and the odds are against me too... to such a point where I can't even put myself in a position to 'fight' for true love. Because true love, is between two people right, not just one person trying to love enough for two. I succumbed and messaged him 6 times since he left over 5 weeks ago. No reply.
What am I proud of? I haven't accessed his blog, his facebook or anything since... the reason why not? Fear. Glorious earth shattering, mind numbing, toe curling, tummy hurting fear.

To the ones left behind...
do we live in fear of our hearts collapsing inwards or crumbling away at the edges and turning to dust..and do we equally live in hope? Do I? Each second my 'resolve to heal' and 'overwhelming pain' are at battle in my soul. And it's a battle with no winner, just locked in this eternity, so desperate to find a way to break the cycle. Need to find a way to feel self worth. Need to find some courage on the floor, even if it's only like a penny that I can pick up.
But this, helps. When I thought nothing ever could, this. does. help.
Thank you for your replies. It means the world to me.

Thank you for sharing this. I'm not there yet, but I hope to be some day. You give me hope that life will get better. And hope that I will be able to live even though I know I'll never stop loving her.

Thank you for hope.

That was very touching and buttersweet, and your words reached me at a moment when I feel exactly the same way. Thank you for sharing them.

When someone leaves footprints in your hearts... ♥
I know how you feel. I will always love him, will always have a place in my heart for him. & he will always be the only guy that I can give my heart to completely & whole. When they decide they are done, without a reason... It hurts. But all you can do is smile.

Smile & be happy that whatever he's doing, whoever he's with.. He's happy. Even if it's not with you. That's how I see it. As long as he's happy. ♥

I've felt this way for months. Wish it wasn't the case, but it is

Pretty much how I feel. So sad, yet hopeful.

Feels like I wrote this.

There's a storm outside tonight where I live. Makes me think about connections. My dad always told me, 'there are no coincidences in this world, only connections'.

Glad to know I'm not alone in this, storm.

It's like a pain that I are afraid that will never go away.