Strength...

So tired of being strong. So tired of trying to maintain my everyday. I have hope, but it comes with intense sadness. I have to let go in order to find out if there is something there to hold onto. He confides in me. We talk daily. I know that if we don't make it, that will stop. It terrifies me! He's my best friend and I was his. I just wish he could see what I do. He's not any happier. He cries a lot. He says he hates himself. I know that the solution is not just for him to come back home, but rather to find his way to happiness whether that means with me or not. That terrifies me as well! And will she ever release her hold on him enough for him to find happiness? I doubt it and he is too much of a coward to end it himself. In the end, I will have to give up hope and be the one with the strength and courage to end this. I don't know how I will be able to do it, I just know that I will find that strength when I need it. I have trusted my instincts through this whole journey and will continue to do so. A lot of people are surrounding me and telling what they would do or what I should do. I wish they could understand that I can't just do what someone else wants me to do. I need to know that I have exhausted every effort before I give up. Someday, I will be able to tell my children that you fight for what you believe in and mean it. I have never caved to peer pressure before and I am not about to start now.
Jgizmo Jgizmo
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

Dear Friend, I really admire your courage to stick with your marriage! We live in a world where almost everyone will tell us to leave at the drop of a hat. I too went through a betrayal and it has been the hardest thing to go through ever! But because of my husband's willingness to do whatever it takes to save the marriage, we have gotten stronger and I think will have a better marriage than we ever had. But the key here is this: Is your husband also willing to do what it takes? A marriage needs two willing and committed partners. I don't want you to be a doormat and I don't want him to string you along with empty promises while he lives his life with someone else. Are you guys seeing a counselor/pastor? Is your husband willing to make a change? I hope he is! Hang in there, you are doing the right thing by giving your husband a chance. But also be willing to accept things as they are. If he continues to live this kind of lifestyle, then he is showing that he has made his choice. Hopefully you will be able to work things out for the sake of your children. He needs a wake up call for sure!

He is still seeing her. I know that most people would give up and run away, but I'm not there yet. I have hope that he will completely see what he's losing and snap out of it. He already seems to be realizing things. He has told me that he misses me. He said he wishes she was more like me. She doesn't have our sense of humor and our values are different. He seems more miserable than ever. He has been confiding in me again. We see each other everyday and talk or text almost every night. I know we will have a lot of work ahead of us, but I believe it's worth it. As far as a counselor, not right now. We have in the past and I think we will again, but first I need a commitment from him. Fingers crossed that this all works out. And if not, I know that I will be okay. I have a lot of people to support me.

That is a really tough situation. My ex was my best friend (and only friend in this part of the country). We'd been together for years. When she broke my heart a little over a month ago I lost my girlfriend. Her and I are still close, in a weird way. She doesn't want to abandon me out here, probably for fear of what I may do if left alone.

But in 6 months I'll be leaving this part of the country for home, 1300 miles away. When that happens I will lose the person that knows me the best out of anyone in the whole world. I will lose my best friend. It makes me sad to think of that day. When I will never see her again. But we all must do what is best for us. We can't stay in relationships that just aren't working. We have to keep looking to the future for somebody that we can have healthy relationships with. Where both people are happy. It may take awhile to get past the loss of love. But it is necessary in order to find new, hopefully happier, love.

You do what you need to (as it seems you will. You seem like a very strong person!). I wish you the best of luck with your situation and hope that everything works out for the best. Stay strong!

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement!