Feeling Worse And More Hurt.

Why do you still have so much control over my feelings when you're out of my life?

It's been about two months since the break up and I haven't contacted him except to get my stuff back about a month ago. No contact since then except... My ex decided to contact me recently to get some furniture back. I wanted to keep the conversation short b/c I'm still hurting and don't want to hear about his new life. But he is SUPER keen on still being 'best friends' because we were, when we were together. He thinks we'll get back to that eventually and says he needs me to talk about stuff to (and get openly pissed off at / rant to - something he can't do with other friends and his new GF yet. Relationship is too new / in honeymoon stage.) He's said that when (and if) we're friends again, he won't talk too much about his new GF/relationship to me since he knows it hurts me and is kind of uncomfortable (he left me for her).

Anyway, he tried to turn the conversation into something more. He basically asked me how my life was, then proceeded to tell me how great his was going. "_______ actually cares about me!! She tells me EVERYDAY! It's soooo CRAZY!" and "______ and I have a really good thing going. _____ communicates so well. I tried to help you open up more to me, but you never listened to me and did it"

This hurt a lot. It's one thing to brag about how great your life is, but it's another to basically throw it in my face that I was the reason we didn't work, and that his new GF is better than I am. He JUST said that he wouldn't talk about his new relationship, too.

I was doing so well at trying to move on, live my life, and not feel so depressed. But this kind of was a slap to the face. I'm usually pretty confident but this made me feel really bad about myself. Was he trying to prove something? Or just wanted to make me feel worse? Friendship is probably out of the question, for awhile.
pandapods pandapods
22-25, F
2 Responses Dec 14, 2012

I am in the same situation as you. And your conversation sounds exactly like one I had with my ex a couple of months ago. It's been 3 months now, and I haven't had ANY contact with him for a month, since I returned his stuff. I blocked his number, blocked on facebook.. it's hard. Because I still care about him, even after he left me for her. Even after all he did to me. And yet I know that EVERY time I hear from him, or see a photo of them together, it kills me. It breaks my heart all over again. And I want to be friends with him again, even if that's going to be years away. I don't know if that's being naive, or stupid on my part. But I would hate to completely loose that friendship, cause we were really close. But, in saying that, I have decided that if I want to give us being friends a shot, I think I need to give myself some time away from him first. I can't be friends with him when I'm not over him yet. I'm not trying to say this is what you should do too, and it's all pretty fresh here so I can't tell you that it worked for me, yet. But what I am trying to say is that someone else is struggling with this. It's not easy. By any means. But you're not the only one. Keep at it. Decide what you want to do and stick with it. Let yourself heal. Because you deserve to give yourself that chance, and who knows, maybe one day, once you've healed, you can get back to being friends. I don't know if that's possible, but I am hoping that it is.

You need to let go of this guy if what he wants is for you to be around when its convinient for him. If you are still hurting it might be best you cut contact as you will only hurt more being that you still care for him and want to be with him like that. I am in ur same situation, broke up 6 months ago she is still the first and last thing on my mind daily. But thats not healthy or fair. So when she said she wanted to stay friends i said i couldnt. Our perception of a friendship with our ex we still care for like that is not the same as their perception of being friends with the person they left. they just want that comfort of knowing we will be around if needed. and im sorry thats selfish. We are better off moving on. Hard as that may be. best of luck to you keep your chin up!