I Can't Seem To Love Again, I'm Too Scared.

I've never opened up myself to anyone before, and when I did it was with the wrong person. He made me feel something I've never felt before, and that was loved. I come from a family that well love and affection isn't the priority. So when I finally gave my heart. It was to someone who played my heart, like the fool that I am.

I gave him my everything. I never asked for anything. I just loved him. He was enough for me. I didn't need anything else. I bought him things, I cared for him, and I even loss myself for him. Which was the biggest mistake I could ever make. I know that now. I even went out of my way to see him when he moved away, he never did that for me. He made me feel crazy, and everything was always my fault. I was so blinded by my feelings for him.

He was dating myself and someone else. He told me they were just friends. I should have known better. I was too dumb. When I found out for sure, even though I knew in my gut it was wrong I ended things. I'm over him now, but I'm just not over what he did to me. I'm so scared to love, to trust, to like anyone.

Someone good came in to my life. He's sweet. He's almost everything I could ask for. It's only been a month of us dating, not official, but I ended things. I realized I haven't moved on yet to what has happened to me. I told him I just need to figure out some things for myself before I can genuinely like anyone. I still think about what my ex did to me. I know this new guy doesn't deserve someone who is still hurting, who is too scared to trust him or to even like him. He told me he'll miss me, and he had a feeling already. I'll honestly miss him too. I just don't know if what I did was the right thing. To let him go? Give myself time to heal. I want to be selfish and keep him around, but I know he doesn't deserve that.

I guess my question is, is it okay to talk to him later on when I am finally ready to be with someone? Or is that too selfish, because I did tell him we probably shouldn't talk for now until I figure things out, and maybe later on if we're both still single we could try again. I don't know what to do. I already miss him, but I can't already go back on my words. It just happened, I don't know if I made a mistake. Help.
BrokenHeartedGirlPNW BrokenHeartedGirlPNW
18-21, F
2 Responses Dec 16, 2012

I think that you should let the past go, I know it's hard. But, you should. This new guy could be the one that helps you mend your heart instead of you doing it alone. I think you should talk to him. Tell him what happened to you, and tell him its just hard for you to trust. He should understand. & the long journey of finally finding the person your soul belongs to, comes with a lot of ******** along the way. But you never know which one could acually be the one.

If its truly meant to be things will work out when you are both ready. When the time is right. I think you are doing the right thing. I know what it feels like to be in a simalr situation in which I was on the other end and I can say that I'm sure he does miss you and wish things worked out. But you need to take care of your self first.