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Hurting

i dont even know if people actually read what is posted, i wish someone out there would respond, i am going thru alot of pain, its going on 4 months since my breakup, there is no way we will ever get back together, it ended in disaster, now she wont talk to me at all, ive tried everything but i hear nothing, i miss her so much my heart is really shattered, im so broken because i realized too late that i really loved her, why couldnt it have ended in better terms why did she have to break my heart to pieces, now i dont know how to move on or if i even want to, how do i get up and move on, i will try anything but please dont give rude comments, dont kick me when im down, help me up, at least try
latinlaydey latinlaydey 46-50, F 44 Responses Dec 22, 2012

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you are not alone and its not end of life. just get up,raise up your head and go on with your life. start a new page. but remember to call on God to guide you with right person for you. remove everything concerning her in your phone or diary. but you are not enemies though you are separated.

陆游
红稣手,黄藤酒,满城春色宫墙柳。东风恶,欢情薄。一杯愁绪,几年离索。错、错、错。
春如旧,人空瘦,泪痕红浥鲛绡透。桃花落,闲池阁,山盟虽在,锦书难托。莫、莫、莫。

唐婉
世情薄,人情恶,雨送黄昏花易落。晓风干,泪痕残,欲笺心事,独语斜栏。难、难、难。
人成各,今非昨,病浑常似秋千索。角声寒,夜阑珊,怕人寻问,咽泪装欢。瞒、瞒、瞒

your realization came after your sepration, similarly she would have understood her feelings much before but may be found you ignorant on the same and wouldn't have a courage to come forward and thought of taking a pain now than later....so if you confess your love and made her understand things will be fine for you.

Best of Luck....go and get your lady.

Chetnya

i am not good at opening up except coffee

Hugs Sweetie;
I can tell you are feeling vulnerable and confused at the moment. I am not going to tell you that you should buck up, or suck it up...or whatever stupid comment goes for bad advise these days. None of us need to hear it and certainly not at a point in our lives when it simply isn't possible to shrug it off or when the experience is too central to our being. Losing someone is a bitter experience-it is similar to the process of going through the death of a person you are close too. That you still find it painful at times is normal. I wish I could say that there is some magic pill that would make it go away, but, I would be lying to you. At the same time I can tell you-absolutely, unequivocally, and without any doubt-it will ease. Not only do you have to experience the full range of feelings you also have to learn how to push through those feelings. Certainly, others will tell you that you should keep busy, get out, focus on other interests or find a hobby. They are correct-in part. None of these will totally eliminate the pain, but, they can get us out of the bad habit we have of trying to pick all of the experience apart looking for gold. Since it has been four months since the break up I suggest you ask yourself if it might not be a good idea to talk to your doctor, or a friend and tell them you have been having difficulty with the breakup... I would say this is critical if you are not sleeping well, gaining or losing weight, losing interest in things that you usually enjoy or having difficulty concentrating. A bad breakup can cause a period of depression because it puts an extra stress on our system-producing lots of cortisol and other stress hormones, disrupting our sleep and impacting us physically as well as emotionally. It seems likely this might be a part of the problem which will certainly delay your begining to feel yourself again. I would also point out that this time of year is poison when it comes to being alone or lonely and winter itself can make us feel the blahs even when everything is going well. I hope this helps you a bit and wish I could do more. I can promise that it will get better-you just have to let it...

Thank you, im gonna try n get into a ceramic class, keep busy til i can feel again

I have been braken hearted many times and it does feel like the end of the world for awhile, but if you keep going the old saying that it gets easier with time is true in most cases. If you don't start to feel better try talking to a friend. Don't dwell on it, try to do things that get your mind off from it.

I've never been in a relarionship but i think this might help: tell her that you made a mistake and want to appologize. Maybe she feels the same way but maybe she's hurting just as bad and just wants to be left alone. Either way at she will know hownyou feel.

hi there, i am really sorry you are going through so much pain. I was there a year ago.... i was soooo deeply in love. I cried everyday, i lost 20lbs, i woke up in the middle of the night crying sometimes too.... All i can say is just allow yourself to grieve. allow yourself to be sad.... I think you mentioned it was 4 months ago, so it's still pretty fresh.... just sit with the pain and allow yourself to be heartbroken. Cry, scream, and do it over and over. It is perfectly safe, normal, and ok to be where you are emotionally. Like others in the replies, I too can tell you that time does heal and you will be ok again, but you probably can't fathom that considering where you are right now emotionally. So my best advice is to just be in pain, allow yourself to really feel your feelings. Once you get to that place where the feelings begin to feel redundant or if you feel like you are "wallowing in your pain", then start taking steps to let go. You don't have to let go today, just know that it is something you will one day have to do, (and I don't mean to scare you with this) but otherwise holding onto the love will poison you. Imagine when a woman miscarries and the baby unfortunately passes in her belly. The woman will naturally pass the baby on her own, or doctors will have to go in and remove the child, if this doesn't occur, the passed child will decay inside of her and possibly kill her. Love in the heart is much the same way. It is so hard when we lose, and I am sorry you lost someone you love.... There are no words..... And like I said, 4 months is still fresh, so you have plenty of time to just be in your pain. But just know, that one day you will have to let go. You have to let go so you can free yourself, and you can also free her. There were things for you to learn, and there were things for her to learn. You came together for the time you were meant to come together, and you left when it was time too. She may be the greatest love of your life.... I don't know. But even if she was, there is still love for you in the world, it will just be different, but special in its own way.... And who knows, your greatest love, maybe has yet to come? Perhaps her role was only to prepare you?? Only God knows what your journey has in store for you.... So be in pain, really allow yourself to just cry, and be heartbroken... now is the time. But just know, that one day (and you'll know when it is time), you will have to let go.... Then in time, you can keep your heart open and another butterfly will land on it. Sorry for your pain baby, I was there a year ago.... and I promise you in a year the wounds wont hurt so bad. Much love to you....

well done, loved the reply

thank you so much for ur kind words, i know its gonna hurt awhile longer but i will try n stay busy so i can proccess these feelings n open my heart again

awwwww sweetie I feel so sorry for you!!!

well i ll just suggest you a wonderful site that helped me alot with breaking up with someone i really loved that much ! , look for article called 'how to get over someone in few days' iin this site 2knowmyself.com :) and if u couldnt find it , tell me , hope it will be useful

Thank you i just got bak on again, i will check it out

Sometimes having a horrible breakup that removes someone from your life is the only way to get over them. After all, being with her as a friend is not the same as being with her as a lover. Plus if you are around her all the time. You will have false hope of getting her back and you will not be able to go forth and find new love.

I was in the same boat to back in the late 80s we had been together for 14 years I came home one night and she had just gone I was a wreck I still love the girl from back then. If its any consolation I am Married now with 2 great kids the hurt gets less as the years go by but you never forget.
Good Luck my Friend.

Do you ever try Jesus? He wouldn't let you down, he will open his arms and embrace you. Don't suffer for other human being....seek the eternal love of God nothing else can compare..belive me. Be you own self, your own person. You are the only one to turn around this situation. I can see that you are talking from the flesh and desires....Seek you soul, your spirit...seek God...in God love we do not need nobody.

Wow, I was in that same boat a few years ago, I said exactly the same words, I loved that person so dam much, and found out he never wanted to be with me, It put me off guys all together, I was afraid to love again so I had that attitude of "stuff them all!". It hurt a lot for days, I cried a lot, I cried when I tried to have fun and get on with life, I cried to my friends and whilst their encouraging words made me feel that bit better, I still felt so dam hollow! but I listen to something that I knew was going to help me over time, it was the inner soul whispering to me, it said to "time will heal you and you will feel better, you just need to trust it, this life is here to teach you lessons, and without Hurt, you cannot experience appreciation". Listen to your inner soul, it will guide you. This person left you because you to point you to the real soulmate you will have that you cannot see right now. Since that painful event, I've met the most amazing man in my life, the one who truly loves you will give you tears of joy, not unhappiness. I look back at my ex and thank god he left me so that I can be with the man who was suppose to be with me. Trust me, you will thank her for doing this even though you may not believe it right now. You must let her go of her as she has let go of you. You won't move forward until you accept that it's over. You don't deserve to waste anymore goodness of yourself on her anymore, you need to give yourself more credit. Don't you think you deserve someone who will love you back just as much? You'll be all right buddy, time will be your friend and healer!

Sorry about the grammar, I'm
Using my iPhone and the auto correct is annoying!

And don't fall in love with how it used to be, knock that fantasy out of your mind and truly see it as it is, that she isn't in the scene anymore. The moment you accept this, the quicker you can begin to heal. You are a good person who deserves a good partner, don't settle for any less!!!!

I know how you my heart has been broken also.We can't change how someone else feels.We can only change ourselves.I take one day at a time and pray everyday for god to make me stronger.I will pray for you too.

Thank you for responding, for ur kind words, its still fresh, im still in alot of pain

Latinlaydey, I am so sorry that you are hurting so badly! I dont get on here much the last few days and I would really like to. I am not able to really responde the way I would to this posting but for now I will just send you my prayers and to say that I hope you keep moving on and I know it is hard but there are people out there that do care. I dont know the whole story only what you have said in this post. Time will heal your broken heart it may not seem like it right now but it will. God bless you and keep you safe!

I understand the above posting is fake. Sorry! but I feel so!!

I know how you are feeling, my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday, phoned me and said she didn't want to be in the relationship anymore. i am so damn sad, been crying all night, and started drinking at 6am this morning :(
Break up's are so hard when you love someone *hugs*

i hope ur doing better, im not it still hurts but im here, sometimes dont want to be, hang in there, we deserve happiness too

I can see the pain you are going through...Keep faith in yourself and love... make yourself busy and do some workouts.. go to shopping, reading books try something new in Kitchen...

It's not easy and can't even say that time will heal. I got separated after 10 years because she cheated on me. 2 years on today I still miss her and wish to get over and move on with my life. Pain is still there . Good luck.

The place your in is not a place most have not been in before. It is so hard to get through such a heart breaking time,but it can be done. My prayers and hopes go out to you, good luck.

I can feel your pain ....I guess its hard to try and offer help with out more info...what did you do to make her hate you?
Im sorry your hurting ...it sucks but I guarantee -----she hurt too.
take care of you and learn how to love self first.

Well to be very frank ... give her some time to rethink and analyze the situation.... and for your try to be busy in day to day work ... if she really loves you she will come to you... the key is patience… wish you all the best…

I am so sorry to read of your pain. I wish there was something I could do or say to help heal this for you. Needless to say, almost all of us have been there to one degree or another. I can certainly relate to your pain, and can say with much confidence that all things happen for a reason. Looking back on past hurts, I can always see how a situation, though awful to live through, has opened a door to new and positive experiences. For example, a few years ago, my son was kidnapped. Truly the most traumatic experience I have ever (and I suspect will) had. It was a real life nightmare, and I suffered from PTSD for years following this. We got our baby back after five agonizing days, safe and sound by the way. But I must say that I learned so much from this experience, and will never be the same - I mean in a positive way.
The pain and fear opens you to information (so to speak) that you would never gain otherwise. Something so awful I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. However in some aspects, I sometimes feel as though I have somewhat of an advantage over other mothers/parents, because I have such unique life experience. I have, in my opinion, a very positive and effective view and approach to motherhood and life that I wouldn't otherwise have.
Life is always hard, and life hurts. You are alive, and your pain is evidence of this. This is truly a gift. God loves you, and only hands you what He knows you can handle. You can and will get through this. And in the end, the rewards will be great. You will be am even more beautiful person, and will touch other's lives in a way that only God can. What I see in you from your writing is a beautiful, loving woman who has a gift of caring and supporting others. I see the strength in you. Take your time with yourself. Forgive yourself. You both were doing the best you could with what you had at the time. I always say, when it comes to negative feelings about myself, " I need to be my safe place to fall for myself." Never be hurtful or destructive toward yourself, as there is a whole world out there full of people willing to do this for you. I truly wish you the best. God is there, and is on your side.

Latinlaydey, right now, you are my ex-husband...meaning that the way you are feeling is how he must of felt when i left. People can't change what they don't acknowledge. I think with my ex husband, he never changed in time because he did not think that the things he were doing would ever cause me to leave. The fact is, after I FINALLY left after having put up with so much from him, wild horses couldn't drag me back. So ask yourself this: 1)if your partner left for good reasons, 2) is this the first time she has left, 3) if she left as a result of something you did, are you willing to change. Anything can be fixed if its not a situation where a person has begged over and over again for change. In your quest to win the affection of your partner back, i would suggest that you don't take on the victim role, be open to suggestions and admit any faults of your own. I wish you the best of luck.

Hi I'm so sorry your hurting. When we fall in love there is no guarantee they will fall back. I have been there and back and it does take time to let go. One convinces themselves that the other person loves them the same. How else can we stay so long. When it ends in anger, that is just your hurt and frustration speaking. If someone really loves you they would see that in time, and maybe you could work it out. But, if not, then you have no choice but to pick yourself up with that little once of energy you have left and move forward without her. This is difficult. I was very much in love with my ex husband. When he remarried it took me a good year to except it. I kept telling myself it was a lie. Then I came to except it and move forward. It was not easy, it was horrible and a nightmare to wake up and get out of bed. How can someone say that they love you and yet when it comes down to it, there actions speak louder then words. But, I believe that there is someone out there, we just have to be willing to once more put it on the life. Time is a great healer, and learning to move forward and face the possibility that maybe love still waits it takes courage. I am now dating again, and if it works it works, if not, i'm going to be ok. I've learned I'm stronger then I thought, and you will learn this too, I know you can't believe it right now, but it will come in time. You will one day look in the mirror and say "hey, look I'm a good guy and someone will want that", then you will be ready to go out and fine her. Give yourself some time..When I feel bad, I force myself to do something I love, and even when I didn't want to do it, I did it and found I was laughing again.

Please take this with the love in which it is written - but get off the couch, get off the computer, and go out and do something! I know you loved from deep inside, and when you lost your lover, you feel like you are incomplete, incompetent, incapable of carrying on. I admire your inner spirit, but she has moved on - and it is time you moved on, too! And while it is painful when everything you see is tinged with the knowledge that "she" was there, and helped you choose it, and "she" was all important to every decision you made for so long, it is time you started making your own decisions alone, and stopped seeing "her" in every item in your home.

Go out, meet new people, get active. What is funny is that somewhere out there right now, your next lover is sitting, waiting for you to meet her. She is wondering where you are. She dreams of lazy days and loving nights, having you - YES YOU! - next to her. But, I can guarantee you will not meet her if you have frozen your soul pining away for the last lover. Do not give the departed lover any more power over you! She had the best and chose someone else. Move on! The next broken heart is awaiting you!

Hi. my heart bleeds for you. I lost the love of my life 5 years ago. I was so devasted. It was my fault and I didnt know what I had lost until she was gone. The only words of hope I can offer is you will get past this. This will make you stronger. ironically, this past love of mine has re-entered my life. But as a friend. I have a new g/f now and I am madly in love with my new g/f. The old wants me back! Not happening....I am happy. I have moved on and learned from a lesson.....you too will move on. I promise. Feel free to stay in touch, I'll help you get thru this..andrew

I know how you feel. I've been through it too. Most people have... the key is to allow yourself to heal, (it takes some time) but know that it is only an injury and not permanent. We are all drops of God and there is another wonderful person out there who will love you for who you are. You only need to try again. Understand that things go wrong for a reason and, one day, when you've found a perfect partner, you'll be grateful that it ended. Be glad that you had the wonderful times you did together, but let it go with grace. The best is yet to come. Big Hug!

"We are all drops of God", you said. I love this!!! So perfectly said: )

It's hard to know what to say to someone you Don't know, yet your heart has been where theirs is. I'm not sure that being familiar with that person is required, in order to sympathize with them. Please bear with me, I just woke up and still working on my first cup. Coming from someone who's been there, sweetheart, you are in my prayers. Nothing I can say or do will remove your pain, nor restore your relationship, but, YOU ARE NOT ALONE. Hell, if misery loves company, i would be proud to let you rest your head on my shoulder until you "get your wits back.". I'm heading back to Florida today, and will check back in on you from time to time. Be safe, be loved, and never stop being YOU.