Stuck In The Past

It's been four months now since we broke up and I still haven't moved on. I've asked and searched for advices but I'm still here, not moving on one bit. It's hard for me and affects my daily life most of the times. I want to move on so bad. Why can't I do just that? I already saw him cheat on me but why am I still in love with that person? Why is my heart so dumb? Why won't it listen to my brain? Ugh :( Yeah, I'm just a kid. There'll be many other guys for me out there but I can't do anything because I'm stupidly in love with someone who doesn't even know my worth. I hate this. I hate crying almost everyday because of the same old stupid thing. I really want to move on. :( Please...
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7 Responses Jan 9, 2013

Thisbrokenheart, I know exactly what you are going through. How? Because I'm going through the exact same thing right now. It's been four and a half months without my ex (who I was with for almost two years) and I am having a lot of trouble getting over him. Like you, I've gotten my life on track and have even gotten used to living without him, but in my heart there's a void because he's not there. In my head I still believe we are compatible and a hope that we will be together in the future. <br />
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I have not spoken to my ex since the breakup 4.5 months ago. In response, he has not tried to reach me once, maybe that has something to do with the fact that I told him it would be hell to talk to him (out of anger) when we broke up, but the way I view it is a man who is right for you would fight for you. He would go to extremes - rise above fear, shame, whatever circumstances or emotions to be with you. And he would CERTAINLY not cheat on you. If this man is not making the effort or only making the effort when you make yourself unavailable to him (only driven by the chase), he does not deserve you. No matter how much you want to be with him. Why? Because you don't want to be with a man who does not want to be with you. Imagine a life of unrequited love, of you being devoted to him and him having doubts or unpredictably cutting you off one day. <br />
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Heartbreak is the worst feeling in the world, the most terrible loss. It's like the person is dead. You don't know what approach to take, you don't know how to spend your time. I have found though, that the best approach (and although I am struggling getting over him, it gets easier for me through this approach) is absolutely no contact. That means zero communication with him, his family, his friends, no looking at his Facebook profile, deleting his number and internet pictures, getting rid of possessions or items of emotional significance, basically isolating yourself from him. It may hurt a little in the process but living without those factors will free you from someone who is not being right to you now. <br />
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With regard to other men, jumping into a new relationship for getting over ex purposes is never good. Somewhere along the way you will think of your ex and wish this man was him, but you'll be too deep in the relationship to say something. I would end it gently as soon as possible. The way to distract yourself with other men is not entering a new relationship but developing friendships with guys, maybe fooling around a little, not bringing commitment or the word relationship in it. Right now you are healing and don't need a relationship - in fact, a support system with other guys in it will be of great reassurance to you. You will learn the former guy in your life who you are putting on a pedestal is not the only great guy out there after all. Don't give up, you've come a long way and you're doing great. I'm here for you. Best wishes.

It's hard but necessary. Please trust me. You can't look at his profile - you KNOW it will hurt you. What happens when you find something new ? It will hurt you no matter what. No contact and isolation. Trust me

That's so hard for me too do...Like I'll try all day not to call but ill end up calling the wrost part is we still have sex from time to time,And the other night he came over and in the middle of sex I started crying and couldn't stop asked him to stop get up and leave...Of course he got kinda upset but went right back to having sex for 2 hours,But it dont seem like he misses me...And I miss him so much,but kinda getting use to it now

it takes time to get over something like that and yes i know its hard but crying n talking to someone will help ease the pain from your heart n your young you going to have a lot of broken hearts you will always love him always no matter what it seams he was your first love but u will have lot of heart breaks till you fine the one its just a stepping stone closer to the one

no problem it will get better promise

Give yourself time to heal. (it took me a year) Cry, be mad, talk to a kind friend, Go out with friends, don't stay at home, and eat chocolate ice cream. You will get over it and a time will come when you will say to yourself "what did I see in him?" I adopted this saying..."This too shall pass."

Hello.. Ive read your story and you know what.. we are experiencing the same thing.. Though mine has been for like six months already. I feel sad also since Im still affected about it. But I want to point out to you an incredibly good thing: young as you are, you feel serious about this matter. it shows since its been four months already and yet you still feel this way. Though its crappy I know but come to think of it, you dont take the matters of the heart lightly. You were sincere. What I'm trying to let you see is your capability of being a good partner when the right time comes. Believe me, there are a few left in this world. And you are one of them. Someday, you will meet a person who will see this in you and he will really love you and take good care of you.
But before that, we have to grow first through our experiences. And yes its not an easy process. I am still struggling. But lets not forget that we can get through this. Just have faith. Keep me posted with your progress. Id love to hear from you. It makes me feel less alone. =)

My opinion is that you love him with all of your heart and if that's the case, it will pass more than 4 months until you will be able to move on. But chin up because on every dark alley they is always a bright light that shines and awaits for you.

That was really sweet:)Thanks!

I feel the same way I have tried so many times to not think about him and get over him but I just cant seem to get it done. He stays on my mind I can eat nor sleep Im really depressed.

I'm sorry but I dont believe that...

hi just read your story and i feel the same way two months for me and im heart broken cant eat cant sleep cant do the simplest tasks can not stop thinking about 24 hours a day its such a horrible feeling i want to move on but cant

When I read this all i could do is think of me...Im going thru the same thang,I just dont understand how a person can say they love u sooo much and then just walk away and go on living life! I dont no the answer "but I do no I dont ever want to feel like this again! I hope and pray to my God that I'll never allow someone to have that much control over my life...But I trust in God,so im gon continue to pray about it and I know God got something bigger and better...Much more better better for me and my boy.I no exactly how it feels,it hurt soo much~Only God can and will change it.I cant wait to update u all about my situation.Im trusting Jesus!

U so right it's easier said then done!