Hold On, This Is Gonna Hurt Like Hell

I am newly divorced. I managed to get out of a marriage to a jealous, possessive, controlling man with big anger issues. He broke my spirit. While separated, I grew closer to a male friend who lived far away and as I shared my anguish and pain with him, he shared his fears and innermost feelings about the cancer he had recently learned that he had, as well as his diminishing faith in the religion that his wife was a staunch follower of. Over the years, this had deteriorated his marriage. We became virtual soulmates, each others confidentes and sources of strength. Finally we fell in love. It was cerebral, spiritual, literary and beautiful. When we finally made a physical connection, it was the best. we were compatible in every way. I was on a high, happier than ever and he felt like he could really be himself with me. He was my catalyst to break free from my emotionally abusive relationship with my husband once and for all. Unfortunately he did not / could not do the same on his side of the world. He was not only ill, but he was entangled in a cult-like religion that would take time to disentangle himself from. He asked his wife for a divorce and moved out of their shared sleeping quarters, but stayed in the house to help with the kids. Before he could move forward, his cancer worsened and he developed another primary type of cancer. He could not move forward afterall and now he is fighting for his life. The cancer spread to his lymph system and he is undergoing aggressive chemotherapy. I am not known in his world so I cannot support him. The double life and multiple issues of his life became too much so he has asked that we taper off our relationship so he can survive. I am hurting. I love him so deeply but cant be there for him and I have been cut off mostly from his life. We went from phone calls several times a day to the odd text messsage. I try to support him from afar, but I am simply heartbroken. I miss my soulmate. We have a years worth of beautiful memories and everywhere I look is a reminder of him; the jewellry he gave me, the poetry he wrote, clothes I wore when with him and my passwords, etc. God forbid should something happen, I will never know. In his sporadic text messages, he tells me that he loves me so deeply it hurts and acknowledges our impermeable connection. This makes it worse. We are truly star crossed lovers and I am completely broken.
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 10, 2013

I feel your pain, in so many ways your story is like mine. I hurt just as much....I wish I had words to help but I don't.. hugs