Worthless.

Last year I went away to university. I found the experience really hard at first, however I slowly made friends and got my self a boyfriend. Although I have had boyfriends in the past, I felt differently about him. I was excited to see him and he loved spending time with me. We did everything together: shopping, cooking, nights out and we spent every night together.

When it came to choosing a student house, the both of us decided to live together, as during the summer months we had off from university we knew we would not see each other much (due to four hours travel time). Everyone warned us against it. I know its my fault, I shouldn't have let my heart take over. I should have taken a step back and realized what I was getting myself in to. We had only been together for three months when we decided to live together. But I thought I was right.

This year we moved in together. After not seeing each other for so long over the summer, we were really excited. We spent a lot of time together, but the little things started to annoy me. I knew he smoked cannabis, I didn't realize how much and it became a problem. I gave him the option, me or weed. After a week he choose me. I suggested we started having some time apart so that we would appreciated each other more, he didn't want this and I caved in. Although we had a bumpy few weeks, everything seemed to be back to normal.

Then on Christmas day, a month after the split, he texted me saying it was all over. He didn't love me, I was controlling, I was childish and I would get over it.

After a year, I didn't know someone could be so cruel. I didn't realize, somebody I trusted so much, someone that I loved could turn around and change his mind so quickly. On Christmas day.

I was devastated. He began doing weed again and hanging around with his friends more. He didn't even want to try with me, after a year. I thought I deserved more.

And now I live with him. Its my own fault I know, I've made it awkward for all of our friends, I have no one as I used to spend so much time with him, I feel ugly and used.

I have tried to keep myself busy-I joined the gym, yoga and Zumba. Yet everyday I cry, I feel sick constantly. My two other house mates both have boyfriends and I'm alone. I feel worthless and I can't get away from him. He say's after 3 weeks of being apart he is already to text and sleep with other girls. I can't cope.
staytoolong staytoolong
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 12, 2013

Ssorry about this,but you have to move on,you can still make friends and not having the undeserved people around,you deserve better. May be you just have to take some time away from any (love) relationships; sometimes the more we think about it,the more we don't get what we want...just let it be,if he was meant to be with you,he will surely come back to you and this time,will be different. Life goes on.