Heart Ache

Katie has been seen around town a number of times with her new boy friend, who she moved into her flat two weeks ago, after conning me into buying her weeks groceries. more than one person has told me about him and her, some thing she has failed to mention to me her self. she was supposed to be calling round last night but never showed up. it was only a couple of weeks ago she talked about our relationship and were she saw it going. she mentioned about the two of us getting a flat together. one thing for sure is i will never move into her flat no away ever.
shes lied to me constantly, has stolen from me, over £1,000 worth that i know for certain she was responsible for. she slept with at least two other blokes that i know about since we have been together. she has hurt me so much i could never trust her again. i even reached the point were i contemplated suicide, it was only the thought of how much it would hurt my mother, probably even kill her, that stopped me.
yet i still love her so much it hurts. i miss her so much and want her so much i often have tears running down my face. i am restless and unable to concentrate on any thing and each minute with out her feels like an hour, the days drag by so slow.
i had given up hope of ever meeting some one and falling in love with them and them with me, but when i meet Katie i feel under her spell that instant. loved her more every day, loving every second i was with her just being next to her. i have honestly not even gave another woman a second glance while i was with Katie, telling her numerous times that she was the only woman i wanted, and meaning it.
most of the people i known and most of my friends have known Katie longer than i have and very few of them have any thing good to say about her. i get so angry and frustrated and even been close to hating her loads of times, never wanting to see or speak to her again yet even as i think those thoughts my eyes water and the pain in my chest becomes almost unbearable. i hate not being with her. i never let a day go by when i did not tell her at least twice just how much i love her. she only ever said she loved me three times and ton two of those occasions i was talking to her on the phone.
from what i have been told the bloke she has living with her was her boy friend  who only got out of mental hospital a couple of weeks ago and had been in hospital for months, basically all the time Katie and me were supposedly a couple. that's what hurts the most, the thought that she was only with me while he was in hospital and how i have not seen or heard from her since the day he got out. nowt like being told how just how much i have been used and abused again to make me feel so ******* good,  NOT.
i really must be a raving masochist putting up with so much pain just to be with her. i see her face every where i look and hear her voice when no one is there and i smell her scent so strongly it is as if she was wrapped in my arms right now.
why does love hurt so much?
Cyclopes66 Cyclopes66
51-55, M
Jan 14, 2013