Scared Confused Don't Know What To Do

My wife of 8 years wants to separate, she says that she still "loves" me but isn't "in love" with me anymore. She says she doesn't want a divorce but I feel that she's only saying that because she's not strong enough to just break it off clean. She didn't divorce her first husband legally until just before she and I were married. Things have been bad at times but I like to think that we've had more good times than bad. I love her and I am in love with her of that I have no doubt. I'm so confused and very scared. I just don't know what to do.
fuzzyneedshelp fuzzyneedshelp
41-45, M
2 Responses Jan 16, 2013

Dear fuzzyneedshelp, you're not alone, I think the pressures of life affect relationships and marriages and make it so hard for us to stay connected. You guys sound like you need some sparkle-what were the things that brought you together, in the beginning, what did you enjoy, any sentimental places you went too? small gestures can start igniting that fire, if she still loves you, there is hope, remind her of those times and rekindle the love you once had....sometimes we forget

It was our 8th anniversary yesterday. I bought her a card, roses a small funny gift to keep it light and made her dinner. We talked a little and she told me she wants her own friends and in the industry she's in they are mostly male. I am an insecure man who is very jealous but I don't know how to stop those feelings. I never go anywhere without telling her who I will be with or where I am going. She just says she's going out and she will be back when she gets home. She says to trust her and deep down I do but its hard not to get angry or jealous when she does that.

I hear u. Ok-i just want to understand things a little better so I can offer advice-im going to inbox u

What u are doing is creating a scene to destroy a home-whether they seperate or not-i don't think this is a healthy approach. He loves her-she is terminally ill-its complicated-fighting is not the answer-this poor man is already heartsore-things will get uglier-his kids will resent him-sorry strongly disagree with all your comments,strongly

fight for her. show her its easy to give up but it takes courage to make it through the hard stuff. Fight.

I am fighting. I went to the dr's and told her what's going on. I am working on my communication skills. I am trying not to be jealous or hard to talk to but I really feel that she's not willing to fix anything on her end.

4 children

I don't think its fair to make that assumption-even tho things are not looking great.she cud be depressed becos of her recent discovered illness,and wrongly is pushing away the person who loves her the most-we can't make these assumptions-also fuzzy I don't want u in. Flat spin-we can't think of the what if's. My advice let's get u strong and then u can decide if u want to be there for her or not

Sorry again I disagree-also not healthy to get the kinds involved-but this is just my opinion


Walk out on ur children to play a mind game with ur wife? This in my opinion is not healthy or constructive for any parties involved

I agree overovertired. I would never use my children. I also feel it is not another man.

At the end of the day utlimately its all up to u.I'm sensitive when it comes to kids,becos my father walked out on us,and later my mother-so I really don't think playing games and involving them is good. Perhaps speaking to a qualified therapist maybe more useful-i am really just talking from my own experience and how I feel-i hope some of what I have said has been useful-remember its all up to u

I have a dr's appointment next thursday, at which I am hpoing to find a therapist that specializes in abandonment issues. My children will never be used as a way to fix myself or my marriage. Faiths advice would have been more appropriate with my first wife.

Overovertired, I think what you are saying sounds valid. I need to fix my issues and she hers... Its funny she had said originally that we need to concentrate on fixing ourselves first then worry about us although she had to add that we probably wouldn't like each other after we were better. I took that to mean once she gains her freedom to do whatever she wants with whoever she wants whenever she wants she won't want me. Its a horrible feeling that the person you love and planned to spend the rest of your life with doesn't love or want you in theirs.

One step at a time.well done-ur going in the rite direction-i think the other dude blocked me ha ha

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