The Pain Of A Broken Heart

I have a broken heart and the pain is nothing like I have ever experienced before in my life. When my heart was broken it cracked in two and every time the thoughts come it causes more of my heart to crack. It has been reduced to dust and I don't know if it can ever be repaired again.

From this broken heart has come numbness. A numbness like I've never had before. This numbness I didn't understand what it was at first. It came after I had experienced the agonizing pain for a few days. It came quietly and settled in. It took me a while to understand what it was and when I did it was almost a relief. The numbness made the emotions unable to be felt. The numbness, I finally figured out was there to protect my heart from getting hurt. The numbness was there to keep the emotions from getting too close...like the white blood cells do when a foreign body enters the body they attack it....the numbness was doing the same thing. It was keeping the emotions from causing hurt and pain again.

But sometimes the emotions slip by the defenses and reach my heart. The pain cuts deep and causes me to cry out reducing my heart to nothing but a pile of withering pain, making any rational thoughts impossible and me unable to function.

How much the body does to protect itself from pain is rather remarkable. It creates numbness to block the pain until it feels the body can deal with the onslaught of the emotions. And today I realized the body does even more than that, I learned something that I didn't even know. I have always had issues with stress and it likes to crop up in my back. I get massages regularly to keep it down. Well my back has been achy the past few days, since my heart was broken. I didn't think much of it, just thought it was the stress of that and the holidays. So I went to get my massage today. Usually when she gives me the massage it feels good and my body relaxes. Today my body seemed to rebel against her touch, it was more painful that relaxing when she touched me. And I realized that my body was protecting me from the pain this way too, because a massage can create an emotional release and my body did not want to let that happen...it could not allow that to happen because I'm not sure I could recover from a breakdown of that magnitude....this pain cuts so much deeper than any pain I have ever experienced and I truly don't know how to deal with it, I am afraid to face it, afraid that I may never get over it, afraid I won't be able to move on if I face it.....so how long will my body protect itself? How long will I hide the pain, how long will I refuse to talk about it? Time they say heals all wounds, so I guess time will tell.
Kat47 Kat47
46-50, F
5 Responses Jan 17, 2013

The numbness is much needed by all of us with a broken heart. Sometimes it can be long coming however, once in place and when grieving slows the only true healing is to have love again in someone new. May it come to us soon and be everlasting.

I hope you are feeling better.... Your post brought tears to my eyes.. I know exactly what you mean by the numbness protecting you from the emotions.

I hope someday you do feel better ((hugs))

Time will indeed tell. Everything in the world, including life, health, and even economy is measured by the most important factor - time. Emotional scarring is the same as physical, it takes longer for it to heal, but it heals. You're much stronger than this, and your body can take on emotional pressure twice the magnitude, it feels like crap, yes, but it won't kill you just yet.
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger, yeah?

Sorry to hear that your in pain...I know how it feels to have a broken heart, I still have one even though it's been a year since my fiance left me. I guess all anyone can do is what you say and wait and see if time will heal.