My Final Moments With My Beautiful Friend

A (the name I call my beautiful friend to protect her identity) came over last Thursday evening because her husband was out of town. She, my wife, and I spent about 30 minutes chatting about our horrible situation. A's husband told her if she did not quit working for me and if she didn't promise to have no further contact with me or my wife that he would leave her immediately which is why she had to disappear from our lives so quickly. She was and is so sad to be parted from me and my wife. She brought over a little picture she drew that had special meeting for me because it was a code we used to say "I love you" and "I miss you" back when we were able to text one another. My wife had to leave for school and A stayed a few more minutes. I had found a song on YouTube called "How Can I Not Love You" by Joy Enriquez and she went down to my office so I could play it for her. She sat on my piano stool and I sat in my office chair next to her. It was the only time in our history that I ever had the privilege of putting my arm around her and holding her hand. We both cried as the song played because the words are sadly perfect for our situation. When the song was over we sat for a moment holding each other because we knew our time was running out fast. Eventually we stood and I walked her out. She told me that if she can ever find the right moment that she will try to talk to her husband about letting us be friends again, but honestly, I believe she is too fearful of her husband to do it. I am doing my best to come to terms with the fact when we said "until we meet again" what we were actually saying was "goodbye my love." Now I need to figure out how to smile or be happy knowing a woman I love so much lives 7 minutes from me and I can't contact her. My heart aches and joy has all but forsaken me. My wife is trying to understand and help me deal with the loss of a friend and an innocent love. People who know about the situation say "at least you have your wife who still loves you" and it's true but if someone gouged out your left eye with a soldering iron would you say, "well at least I have my right eye"? The pain of watching A drive off haunts me. I understand what it means to die of a broken heart. I will love her forever. My dreams of being her friend all the days of my life are now most likely destined to remain unfulfilled. I still tell A I love her and wish her a good night's sleep when I go to bed. Just like the song asks "How can I not love you? What do I tell my heart? When do I not want you hear in my arms? How does one waltz away from all of the memories? How do I not miss you now that you're gone?" I'm so sad and lost without her.