I Don't Know What I Should Do....

I have been with my wife for 13 years and 3 days after new years she says that she wants to separate. I am devastated. Still living together for now as she has asked me to leave after I get a decent job and she doesn't want a divorce but thats what she said to her first husband as well and didn't divorce him until a month or so before we got married. Our wedding anniversay was on the 15th and I got her a card and a silly toy, so that I could mark the day with her but not put too much pressure on her...She loved it and went out and got me a card and wrote we will get through this inside. We continue to make plans for the family and us together but she's still very cold towards me at times... usually after she texts or talks to someone......I am confused and scared, we have 4 children and I am afraid of what its going to do to them as well. I am not sure if she's actually cheating but who knows... she's become very secretive about who she's on the phone , texting with or IM'ing with... I went to the Doctor and she prescribed welbutrin for me and I feel a ton better... I took her out to lunch at a place she wanted to try for awhile and we had a great time... I thought so at least... then last night I took her and the kids out for Ice Cream and we all had fun, then today she tells me that she had plans with someone that shall remain nameless last night and they fell through...Its making me feel like I am banging my head against the wall...The pills they gave me give me much more energy and seem to have helped with the depression but the down side is that now that I feel better and have more energy, I'm afraid that when I do get a decent job; its out I go....I love her and I am in love with her... she says she loves me but she doesn't think shes in love with me... She's got some major health issues that I am currently trying to help her with and doing all the house work and such but I am afraid its not enough.... I don't know what to do besides keep trying to get better and stronger but as I do I feel us slipping further and further away from each other....
fuzzyneedshelp fuzzyneedshelp
41-45, M
2 Responses Jan 20, 2013

It sounds like you are doing all you can do. It is up to her to put in effort too. If she doesn't want to, then don't kill yourself trying to hold together something if the other person doesn't want to. Yes, it hurts, and I know you are in agony. But, honestly, there isn't a lot more you can do except tell her you love her and want to work on the marriage. You need to take care of YOU, and make sure you are being who you are and not giving up parts of yourself to try and keep her. Best of Luck!

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult ordeal. I hope things work out for the best for you and your family. Maybe it's because my ex husband cheated on me, but I think you have every right to question who she's talking/texting with and who she has pans with. It doesn't seem right that there should be that many secrets in a marriage. It doesn't mean she's doing anything wrong, but why the secrecy? Best of luck to you!