Best Friend Betrayed Me

Hello, I am new to the site, but wanted to share something I am struggling with right now. This may be a bit long in order to get all the information and history in it, but I will do my best not to ramble.

To start with, I have had my share of heartbreaks. When I was 24 I met the love of my life. Even after 3 years of dating, he could still give me butterflies in the stomach just by walking into the room. I truely loved him, and best of all, I knew he truely loved me. One day while out riding his motorcycle a truck ran a light, and killed him instantly. The pain was unbearable, and even now, 15 years later, I still miss him and have dreams about him. It took my over 2 years to even think of dating someone, and I finally did, ended up marrying the man, having twins, and then ended up divorcing him due to him being rather emotionally abusive. (Nothing I did was ever right, etc, never stood up for me, all in all he just wasn't a "partner" in life. I always felt like he never worked with me, but rather against me).
Anyhow, after my divorce, I became very close with a man whom I had been friends with for a few years. We tried dating, but it didn't work out (he was with another woman) We ended up becoming close friends. For the last 10 or so years he has been like my brother, we have travelled together, he has called me in the middle of the night when he has had too much to drink so I could give him a ride. He was a man I could trust. I loved him and he loved me. We were each other's family (if that makes sense) He had dated a few woman during that time, but they never worked out, and he admitted to me that he was in love with me. I told him I couldn't trust him after cheating, and I really couldn't date someone I couldn't trust. He understood, and I backed off a bit in the hopes that he could find someone if I wasn't always around After a while, he told me that he didn't want to lose the great friendship we had, and that he moved on and knew we couldn't date. After that, he would date some woman here and there, he would come to me for advice, which I would do my best at giving to him, and our friendship was incredibly strong. Whenever he needed a friend or help, I was there, and visa versa. There is a lot of history with us as friends, but I am leaving this out, otherwise this would go on forever.
Anyhow, a few months ago, he met a girl, who he seemed to really like, and I was estatic for him. I told him to not do stupid things like drink too much and end up kissing another woman, and to be open and honest with her. He seemed very happy, and I was happy for him. I didn't call him very much in order to not upset the new girlfriend. (We used to talk every day) The only time I had really called was when Sandy hit, just to make sure he was ok and safe.
A week after he had called me and told me that he had to "do right by his girlfriend and really couldn't be around me anymore" He was very curt, but I told him I understood and would not call him much in order to not cause problems. We talked for a little while after that and I told him about this great job opportunity I was going for. He told me good luck and to let him know. After that I didnt call him and he didnt call me.
A month ago, I had texted him that I had gotten that huge job I was going for. I received a text back saying "I don't care, I never want to speak to you again." I didn't understand the hostility and asked why. He replied that I was a "piece of crap and should leave him alone" We have always talked through things, so I asked him to call me and tell me what was going on. I received a text back saying "You are jealous of my new girlfriend because she is better than you!" It turned out it was his girlfriend sending me texts from his phone. She then called me from his phone and told me he never wants to talk to me again, that she is who he loves and I should leave him alone so they can"try to make things" work. She hung up on me, and then they blocked me number from his phone, he de friended me on Facebook and blocked me there, and even went so far as to change his phone number. The weird thing is, I keep getting these random texts from websites that say things like "You aren't worthy of love" and I even received text from some free picture website that was a picture of them with the words "True Love"
Yes, he is obviously not a true friend for this to happen, but I still can't get over the pain of what he has done to me. After 11 years of friendship, he won't even speak to me, just brushed me off like I am some criminal. Mutual friends told me he changed his phone number and told them it was because I was stalking him. It upsets me, because after that night I never called him except to ask them to please stop the harassing text messages (actually I sent an email about it), and they are the ones who won't leave me alone (or rather, she won't)
Obviously we can never be friends again, why would I want a friend like that. However, why can't I get over this hurt? I feel physically sick over it, and there is nothing that could change it. I feel ultimately shattered and don't know if I could trust someone like that again.

Thanks for listening to me.
ZyZan ZyZan
36-40, F
7 Responses Jan 21, 2013

I feel your pain.

One of the factors or him allowing her to be a ***** and for him being an utter weasel is when u dated him i believe he mgiht have been interested in u from the beginning of the friendship and although this sounds perverted, when a guy like him sees an emotionally vulnerable woman they will groom them for themselves. Years is not an issue as it was back and forth between u then he was thinking since w r not dating he would hopefully consider u as a bootycall (scumbag).
As soon as he meets a woman who has a controlling nature he would have to cut all ties from the opposite sex, which is a little insecure on her behalf, but that wimp succumbed to her will and make it out as if u and his relationship was more than what it was and lasted for longer thatn what it was.
I can tell u were emotionally invested in him as a friend but y do u beat urself up about it, his true colors (american spelling just for u, lol) shone through for the absolute douchebag that he was. move on there is a lot more men who would love to date u (AHEM) or be platonic friends (ahem) lol
Need to talk just message me, i will always reply

That's a painful deal. I shake my head wondering how someone you had confided in as a friend for so long could be so cruel and insensitive. What's also tough is thinking you know someone, then finding that you really don't. There's the pain.

Wow....what a horrible ordeal. Losing a long-time, genuine friendship can be quite painful. And especially in such a surprising and harsh manner! My guess is the girlfriend is VERY insecure. It doesn't matter that you two are just friends, you are female, you have a close relationship with him and she perceives you as a threat. I'm also guessing they had some fights about this and he's finally caved and is doing whatever necessary to prove to her he wants nothing to do with in an effort to save this relationship (sac up dude! nobody's mojo is THAT good). It's probably an unhealthy relationship and as such, it won't last. At that time there is a good chance he will reach out to you again. I just hope when that time comes you will have moved on and ignore him. I'm so sorry you ate going through this and I wish you the best!

I am very sorry to hear of your experience, and while mine was not as extreme, I can relate to how incredibly horrible it feels when you thought you knew someone and they are supposed to love you and be a friend to you and they turn their back on you. It truly is the most hurtful thing in the world, mostly because you don't understand how they could do it and question the validity of your relationship with them. I have no advice for this one as I am still in the aftermath of his decision. I just hope that you can hit a level of acceptance sooner than I am because that is the only way to get past it. God bless, and I really hate to hear anyone going through something so horrible.

Sorry to hear that you are going through this as well. This breaks my heart more than if someone I was dating broke up with me, because we have been close for so long, and I thought this was one of the few people in life I could trust. I know he isnt worth trying to speak with, and I am making no attempt to do it. I am just so angry because I have always been a loyal friend to him and this is a real slap in the face.

He may realize down the road that he made a mistake but by then you will have healed and gotten over it. Generally things like this happen if his relationship with her ends. He's trying to make her happy, but ensure that you are not considered any kind of threat. Too bad, he would have always had a good friend in his corner. His loss.

That is quite harsh. You say you have 11 years of friendship? That is pretty crappy to just completely cut you out of his life without at least speaking to you about it. No offense but this guy sounds completely spineless. Obviously he is willing to do whatever this control freak he is dating wants to stay "in her pants." Are you sure he doesnt still have feelings for you, and that is why she doesn't want him speaking to you? I could see removing you on FB or asking you to not call, but to change his number? She really has control over him, and as long as she does, he will be her little puppy dog. Seriously though, this guy needs to grow some balls! I can see a girl asking a guy to not talk to someone he isnt close with, but it sounds like you have a long history. He is a coward and probably thinks you will be there if things don't work out... make sure you aren't!

Sounds like a controlling girlfriend who wants the girl best friend out of her boyfriend's life. I bet she drove him to do this, but he agreed to it which is a reason to never talk to him again. You're better than that.