But How Can I Have a Broken Heart?

How can I have the broken heart?

I hurt her so many times. I let her down so many times. I skipped out on a wedding date. I drank. I spent all of our money ( on nothing!) And she loved me and tried to make it work for almost 12 years. I always made sure everyone knew how much she meant to me, and all of my friends and family know that w/out her I am a mess. She stood by me through it all, abuse the whole nine ******* yards. One thing that I missed was EVERYTHING. I missed her crying out to me, begging me to love her, wanting to be with me of all people. And I missed it.

So how can I have the broken heart? She finally could not stand by while I drove us down a messed up path. She is an amazing woman and I hate the fact that she loved me because by the time I woke up to realize it she was gone. I guess in the back of my mind I thought she would never leave. After hurting her for so long and putting us behind the eightball financially she is gone and I am now dealing with the fallout.

I have no right to have a broken heart. When you consider how long I tried to convince people how tough I was. I made this mess, and she gave me her heart and soul. All I did was stomp on it. Ladies: Make sure you watch out what man you give you heart to, because the man may love you with all his heart, but like me, some guys forget to show it, or do anything about it. Then when the woman is gone, we wonder why or complain. She will always be the one for me, and I have a lifetime of wondering how I ****** up the perfect situation. Watch out fellas, if you love her make sure she knows it. If she loves you make sure you give it right back. Don't hurt her just because... it will get you in the end.

You will always wonder if she is thinking of you when you are doing something that you and her did...probably not. Women are stronger than men. She is forging on with a new life, maybe one day she will forgive me for what I've done to us, but not anytime soon. Until then, I suffer.

EricS EricS
36-40, M
63 Responses Sep 10, 2008

Your story has a similarity to mine...wow! I'just mention the word Mine',thats what my girlfriend used to call me and i call her babe to which she doesnt like because she said i called every girl that i know a babe.Now that she is far and had said that we are finished thats when i started calling her Mine.From the beginning we were so happy and always out and about.Im older than her ..alot older actually and sometimes she would really stretch me to the limit when we were strolling out .I will tell you how she left me ...I was gambling before even i met her but i have always told my friends that if ever i met a girl who would love me i will stop gambling.And the day shes been introduced to me i immediately fell in love with her.I courted her exactly a week before we started intimatelly and boy that was heaven..i was so happy and she was so happy too.She gave me everything i needed from financially to love.One day i relapsed from being an ex gambler and i lost everything inspite of that she offered me help but i threw it all back to her and blamed her and abused her verbally.I dont know whats gotten to me that day but i said i will not come home if shes still living there.i sobered after and i went back home but i was devastated because she was gone.She had accepted the job shes been offered to far away from me..and our friend said that before she left she was crying and shaking and said she had enough of me and would never come back ever.Now im alone and in debts and thinking all the beautiful things in life that i have thrown away.I occasionally talking to her in text but one thing for sure she doesnt call me Mine anymore.

You made mistakes and learned. This life is all about learning. We all make mistakes. But to dwell on them just robs you of the future. Don't punish yourself anymore. To have something new you must do something different. Start thinking of the things about you that are positive. Build a new you. Start taking a class like yoga or make a new friend who has good qualities that you admire. Tell yourself everyday things you like about yourself. You will find forgiveness in your heart for the person you used to be, because you are not like that anymore.

My story is nearly the same as yours. I always expected that she would be there. Such a wonderful lady. She waited for 8 years in this marriage for me. She put up with my complaining, yelling, neglect and p*rn. But now she is gone. She finally had enough.

Devastated is not the right word. Descriptions like "My world is shattered" and "My life is over" seem to be shallow descriptions of the pain I am feeling.

Yet I know that i have put her through worse.

The hardest part is knowing that I learned to late and that I was to stubborn and bone headed to understand earlier. Her leaving was the only thing that truly got through to me.

I feel so stupid for not realizing this earlier. And now our kids have to watch their daddy go away.

I hate who I am and what I have done. I have only hurt the ones I love and I am truly sorry for that.

i just wish my ex (the love of my life) would reach this point same as u !!!

u r a lucky man,,, cuz u discovered a fact "she" ... she was, she did, she she she...
not all men live to reach such fact, know it, live it and feel it,,, so me as a woman, i consider u lucky for having a sensible feeling at the end even if its too late

but actually me as a woman, i always wonder why do men, or maybe why do men just might take notice of all what ur saying but just when its too damn late!!!

I'm the one who gave him everything. I'm left alone and used up. I wish everyday that he will come around and realize, like you did, how important I am and our relationship was. I wish so hard that he will fight to get it back. Even after all the heartbreak he caused, all this suffering, I still love him so much. Why does it have to take actually losing someone, to make the other realize just how much they wanted it in the first place?
I don't want to lose him, but if he can't show me love...if he can't give me just as much as I've been giving him, I will let him go. I can't help feeling, hoping, that he will then feel like you later on. I want to be the better person, wishing well for him...but i'm still hurting so much. I can't help thinking negatively once in awhile. He will regret not choosing to show me love, and that sucks for both of us. It's all I've ever wanted, his love.

Its such ashame we all seem to learn the hard way, and only wake up when it is too late. I have been where you are, except my partner had just as much part in it as me. I have changed, he has not. It sucks every day as you wake up to realise, you cant have the thing that meaned most to you, and if you just hadnt done certain things it could still be great. Unfortanitly, this has now happened to me twice in the last yr, but th 2nd time was all him. Now i'm left loving two men, and its killing me. I honestly believe though, that you will never do this again to any woman, as if you feel the same as i do, you wouldnt be able to bear the thought of ruining something you cared so much about a 2nd time. I wish you luck, chin up, she obviously loves you alot otherwise she wouldnt have held on as long as she did, and we cant stop loving someone so easily even if we tell ourselves we must. so give it some time and when she see's you have changed and would never do it again, im sure you'll get another chance.

I completely relate. I am female however, and this weekend lost my boyfriend of 2 years who was also my close friend of 13 years. It was my actions that caused it. I realise now that I need to grow, be less dependent, and not let my past traumas dictate how I treat those I love. I could have had it all with him. But I now believe this event was to show me, show me how the only person stopping my happiness is me, by my barriers, my (pretend) lack of care, my own insecurities and selfishness.<br />
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I respect you a lot for what you have said, take comfort in the fact that you are not alone. I would like to know, how is life for you now? It has been a few years since you posted this.

i am herring to m8 i was sexually abused 23 years ago when i was 13 and a friend come down the street and did the most amazing thing for me she sat down beside me and comforted me like a mother would a child, she made me feel safe and i loved her for it. we moved away and because of that love for her the second i was old enough i started looking for her. she means the world to me and i would love to get to know her again but she tell,s me to much time has past. well i have news for you time douse not change the pension she is inside we just get heart and put up walls to keep people at a distance because we as scared. when she did what she did for me all those years ago it was amazing and i could not kill that love in my heart for her even if i tried and i have but she just will not let me in she has been heart to and i fear she has gotten hard and living with the fact that i am to late hearts like hell. i am one of the good guys and would care for her so well but it is just not good enough has a good job and a life and i have nothing to offer her but my heart and it is just not enough these days. she can not see that even know it was so long ago and we where only kids she did the most amazing thing for me and i will love here till my dieing day. time douse not diminish the power of someone touching your soul like that. i know she has changed and so have i but the core of a person never changes. she is still a amazing person i have herd it in her voice on the phone she is still that wonderful hymen being that i love she had just piled on the armor and will not even consider that i my be the one that makes her truly happy. it is just not fair to be judged because time has passed.or because she makes more money than me. i really thought our satyriasis had gotten passed this man makes the money and the women cook crap. a persons wealth or stature in the community douse not make them a higher class to anyone else. i know a successful polarization how is married to struggle munition. some times i just do not get this world or women.

reminds me of myself. thank you for sharing.

everything you said is exactly what Ive been going thru. you have inspired me to write about my own feelings. i was the girl who gave her all and loved him for everything he was and could be. All he did was neglect me. I still gave him my love, but with no love to noursher my own soul, Im all used up. I go back into the world sad, washed up, alone, trying to understand how one can be so cruel. I hope oneday he sees what a tragedy this has been to me. thank you for writing this its crazy how this was me all the way down to the twelve years. up until i read your post, I felt worthless, maybe im unworthy of love and blamed myself. It was meant for me to read this. thanx for your honesty.

hi,,,, yes most woman are patient esp wen they love their partner.... and guys sori but like on your ex situation ,, i encounter also like that to my bf who i been love so much and trust n forgive many times, but he still cheat on me and up to now all i find out even he said hes change still im having doubt and i dont know until wen i caqn hold on....

We are in the same situation. I forgive him many times but he still cheats on me. he always says that he's changed, i tried to give my trust to him again and again but I'm full of doubts. I don't know how to trust him again. Even though I'm full of doubts I'm always showing him my love and care but I'm just neglected.

It is so comforting to find out that men do hurt and realize what they have done. I am in the same boat as your ex. However, this last incident I pray it has truly made him realize how he fells about me. It was almost a done deal and I was to be put aside because another woman decided to show him affection and get herself knocked up. Something he always wanted, a child. He was ready to marry her and pretty much made up his mind. I just happened to find out and confronted him with it. I just needed closure, a little help to make it through, we talked about it and he promised he was going to help me get through it. She showed up, treated me as if I am the one who stole him away. We have been together 9 years. She is 43 with 2 children and she was acting as if she is a 20 year old virgin and the girlfriend. She humiliated me in front of him, ridiculed me and I said nothing. I was too devastated to even think. It was like watching my whole life flash before me, watching my own story. She was determined not to give me my closure and would not give us the moment I was asking for. She showed her true color. Because of what she put me through he realized how much he cares for me. Because I love him, I forgave him and willing to support his decision. I did not win this battle, I feel we all lost. We are all victims of a vicious circle I call love and maybe for her it is love or it might be vengance. I don't know. In the end, I know we all hurt. I just hope that he realizes the relationship and how much I love him before its too late. Thank you!

Eric, You story inspires me so much. I was in a relationship like this... and its still hard to let go.. and to think the guy cared.. but he was locked in his own dream land. I hope you are healing and learning from your mistakes, sorry it had to be the hard way. But Sometimes thats the only way it has to be.

Oh man, this is MY story, she means so much to me, I love her more than life itself. She put up with my BS, and when she wanted to leave, I let her, like I was punishing her for even thinking of not being with me.,... and what's worse, a month later I could have had her back, but my stupid ego was still around in spades. Then another month passes, I realize I am completely destroyed without her and now she has moved on. Time is not healing my wound, It's all my fault, dammit I hate myself for all this. All I can say is that I will never treat anyone like that EVER again, but this void will never go away. Im so stupid, she was the greatest thing to ever happen to me, and I let her go........

Very well put. I'm sorry you had to go through this. It obviously was necessary for you to grow as a person and has made you a much better man because of it. You are a very rare kind of person. One who can look at a situation and realize their own mistakes then use the experience to become a better person. I admire that. You will meet a wonderful lady and know how to treat her. I wish you the best.

I wish my guy would realize how much I love him and stop doing me wrong. I love him so much, it's been 5 years going on 6 and im still learning about more infidelity from him. I was a virgin when we met and havent been with anybody since. It hurts to not know how many partners he's had. I been so faithful because I don't want to hurt him. Why does he keep hurting me if he loves me? I don't understand that. I love him so much and would never do this to him cause I can't stand to see him mad or upset or sad...because I know how that feels and it hurts. I love him so much but my heart is hurting.

wow.....i see it's two years later....but my story is exactly that of your girlfriend's. yippee me. 12 years for me too....and now he's left me all alone.

I've been waiting too long for things to change. I am now so sadly ending a 25 year marriage and relationship I have been in since we were 16. I still hold on to hope that he'll realize before it's too late that I love him so much. I just can't wait around for my heart to be broken again.<br />
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I'm so sad.

i commend you for sharing your story and admitting your mistakes.. Although she is already gone.. It's important that you've realized your mistakes.. I wish you the best

I read the story and read through the comments, and I know it's old, but one thing I was surprised to see is that no one commented that this isn't a "guy" thing--women treat men this way, too. I've got two close friends who are men who had women do something similar to them, and now the women are the ones living with regret. It's a very good reminder for *anyone* in a relationship not to take the other party for granted.

Thanks for the comment. However, I wrote this opus over 2 years ago....<br />
<br />
....I survived. =)

you sound like you may have been a jerk to some guys, too (making fun of them and stuff....if you are mean to your girl i'm assuming you can be mean to friends/strangers). why don't you call some of the worst ones you offended and apologize like in billy madison. that might help speed up the healing process. You'll at least know you turned a new leaf.<br />
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About your situation....you'll get through it...and at least you once had a love. Some guys have never had a girl care that way about them. you'll be ok, bud. In the mean time, keep busy...try to cure cancer or something (I'm serious). Do something that requires your full attention and is a way to give back to the world. It will make you feel better and keep you busy until someone else good comes along when you least expect it.<br />
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But that's why us guys need to be a little nicer to each other. The world is hard enough out there without everyone making you feel like ****.

Sounds like you made many bad choices.<br />
Maybe you have broken your own heart with the choices you have made.<br />
Life"s most valuable lessons come from such pain.<br />
To bad the lessons are learned to late some times.

Beautifully written. Beautifully understood.

hi Eric, it is refreshing for me to know that even though a guy can **** a girl over so badly that he really did love her even though it did't seem like it at all. Actions speak louder than words, I am 5 months pregnant and the father of my baby would tell me all the time how much he loved me and then I would't see him for days. I found out he was cheating on me when I was 2 months pregnant and ended things for good. I tried so hard through our whole relationship and he just threw it all away after 2 years. When I ended things he was so hurt I could see tears in his eyes, but he hurt me far worse than I did by leaving. I know he regrets it but I can never be with him again and it KILLS ME INSIDE. All I can do now is just move on and try to heal, just me and my little baby. I don't want him to be involved in my baby's life at all. He is a liar and a cheater and he has relapsed back to shooting up meth again. I don't know maybe he did love me but he is just to caught up in his sick lifestyle to even realize it and now it's too late.

a lot of times we cannot realize how good we actually have it until we do not have it anymore. Yes she probably has gotten on with her life, but a tiny part of her will always wish that you had changed in time to make a difference. You can only beg someone to love you long enough. After awhile you that person starts to realize the truth. You cannot change someone who does not want to change. It is good that you have changed. You have come away from this relationship with a new understanding of how you are suppose to treat someone so that they will want to stay with you forever and she has come away from the relationship guarding her heart so that no one will hurt her in the way that you did. She will actually grow and become stronger and you have become a better person. Do not look in the past my friend. You have asked for her forgiveness and when she chooses to forgive you in on her time just like when you chose to finally love her and cherish her back was on your time. Hope that you will have better luck next time around and hope that you have learned to love someone with all your heart instead on half your heart. There will be someone out there for you. Don't tell them too much about your past mistakes it may scare them away.

I'm a woman and I'm not sure the guy I liked so much would think of me like that. I wish though, and hope that he'll find a way back to me. I'm almost over him but I do miss him a lot. He used to be the One for me.

Gud luck buddy.

why couldn't i have read this six months ago

why couldn't i have read this six months ago

Finally, a man who has admitted to his mistake. I'm sorry things didn't work out for you and wish you the bet of luck in your search. I'm gonna send this to my recent ex. we were together for nearly twelve years. I still love him but just couldn't take the pain anymore. I know he loves me but like you did he won't allow it to happen. I hope your article will give him something to think about. And maybe he'll realize before its too late. Thanks for sharing your story.

Who am I waiting for now? I thought Bobbo was picking us up. :P

JJ he must think we are kidding about Bora Bora?<br />
<br />

For sure... <br />
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If something that insanely cool were to happen, I could die a happy man.

Meg is taking requests for beverages of choice.<br />
<br />
1) Meg wants a margarita:-)

:) We can drink...

Eric Scissorheart? :P

Thank you ladies... ;-)

Ohhhh is it all fixed up ?

Haha...it was one of my first stories on EP. Just giving a brief description of what happened to me when my ex left. No need to sew anymore. thanks brutha!

Maybe so, maybe so...

*lol* People try to relate by saying they understand and then share a story about themselves. It is human nature. I don't think they were trying to trivalize it. <br />
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Thanks for sharing that story and hopefully opening the eyes of some men. My ex has a broken heart too and he knows he wronged me and that everything he touches, bleeds (his words, not mine). I am sad that he is suffering as well but the first step is awareness. I think one needs to heal one's own broken heart and resolve one's anger issues before truly being able to love another properly. But hey, all hope is not lost as long as we learn from our mistakes, right?

As I stated in the story: She is forging on a new life with out me. <br />
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I'd also like to say: People don't trivialize a 12 year relationship, by saying that you know how it is. You don't. Each experience is unique. And you damn sure don't know how it is when you are 18-21 years old and were not even in middle school yet when I started dating my ex!<br />
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Do people read these stories or do they just skim over it? I am not a writer by any stretch, but come on people. Pay attention.

Wow.. so sorry to hear that happened to you because I know alot of people going through it as well, even my ex boyfriend I have heard these words from his mouth also, we are back together now and I only wish you best of luck if you can't have her back then I hope you are able to move on peacefully and grow from it all.. it's been a couple months since you wrote this, how are things now?

I think its fair to say your broken heart learned a few things.....and to share it with everyone is awesome!

It is one of my first stories. The reason I found EP...

I had forgotten this post and it makes me tear up every time I read it. This should be part of the Man's Bible of Relationship Conduct as a reminder.

i had been in a similar situation with my ex....i couldn't have said or done anything to change him at the time...and i started to even question my love for him, so i left. of course then he realizes, like you did, that...hey, i missed something here. He told me later that he just thought i was always going to be there.....and then i wasn't.<br />
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so yeah....guys, listen to Eric!! it happens to all of us

In a very sweet, yet deadly serious tone, warn him. That something like what wrote could happen to any man. So, if he does not want to be single or w/o his wife, he needs to act right. <br />
I just wish she would have done the same. But I was drinking so much, she says I would not have heard anything.

You're welcome for the story. Wish I did not have to write it though...

thanks for the story Eric...I think a lot of men are in your position - they just don't see until it's too late.

No. I said thank you very much support group....once again.

wait, no, that's huevos...I'm Spanish impaired, I fear

did you say something about eggs?

Muchos Gracias grupo asesor...de nuevo

This is one of the most honest things I have read in a long time. I vote with POE, though. <br />
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If the pieces can't be put back together, then the only thing to do is move on. If you continue mourning the lost, the next woman you meet who loves you will be competing with an unbeatable memory, and you'll lose again.<br />
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You seem to have learned from your mistakes. I wish you the best of luck.

Muchos Gracias grupo asesor! ;)

WOW!! I am to tears Right now! Reading this I thought about my Relationship. Past and Present. I admire you greatly.. I am sorry That you realized it too Late.. I just hope one day you can be happy. Good Luck to you..

Bob Dylan or Boyz 2 Men in the house? ;)

You don't miss your water till your well runs dry.<br />
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Good luck,and try not to focus on the past.<br />
Many a great marriage has been built on the smoking ruins of previous relationships...

Thanks for the comment. If one guy reads this and learns something, it'll be worth it.

I have a feeling that you are not alone. Quite often that's how it works,<br />
You don't miss what you had till you lose it.<br />
Don't believe I've ever witnessed a man saying the things you said.<br />
Thanks for sharing : )