My Fault?

 

I was in love with a guy that goes in my class for two years. Before the summer I confessed to him and told him I had  a crush on him, and so he confessed he had been in love with me too for two years. The next day he went abroad for two months. When he came back he told me he had been thinking of me all the time and longing to see me all the time. And so we started to date. But in school we acted just like normal, just like we were friends. After two months of dating I started wondering if we were just friends. So one day I told him that I had been on a party and that a guy had started talking to me (nothing happened with the guy) and that had made me wonder if I was single. And that if we were just friend it would be okay if we saw other people, but if he wanted us to be more than just friends then I didn´t want to be with anyone but him. I now realise that I shouldn´t have said that. But anyways..When I told him that he totally got mad and didn´t want to talk about it. He only said, " I thought we were more than friends, but if you don´t want us to be more than that I can´t force you to. Gotta Go. I´ll call you on friday or saturday so we can see a movie or something...and then he kissed me and drove away.The day after I asked him in school if he was mad at me and he said no. He didn´t answer my SMS and he never answered when I wrote in MSN. On friday (two days after everything happend) I sent him a textmessage and said that I knew something bothered him and wondered what his problem was., and I also said I was sorry and that I liked him so much and that I  had never liked anyone that way and that I only wanted to be with him. He didn´t answer so I decided to give him some space. One week later we were both on the same party so I decided to talk to him. To say that I loved him so much, that he was perfect, everything I wanted. But right before I was about to go talk to him a friend of mine wanted to talk to me and that was when she told me he had a girlfriend. then she told me the whole story behind it. He had met his new girlfriend two days after "our argument?". My whole world crashed in that moment. I started crying and hyperventilating in front of all these people. My heart broke. It felt like I was going into pieces. When I managed to calm myself I went to confront him. I asked him if he was going to tell me he had a girlfriend. I told him i´ve never liked someone like that in my whole life and that I wanted him, only him. And then he said she wasn´t his girlfriend, he was only having fun just like I "wanted" to have fun. And that it was my fault because I never acted like a girlfriend in school (And I never did that because he was ignoring me as well....all the time it felt like he didn´t want people to know we were together) He told me he had so much on his mind right now and that it would be better for us to stay friends. That weekend I thought I was going crazy. I cried, cried and cried. I couldn´t stop thinking of him and blaming myself. For three weeks I couldn´t eat, concentrate or function like a human anymore. I didn´t go to school for three weeks and when I came back I could see them everywhere where I was, holding hands and kissing in front of me. He even took her to my 19th birthday party, which he was not invited to. That was when I stoped longin after him,blaming myself and hating myself. That´s when I got mad at him instead. And yeah I forgot to mention the anonymous e-mails i recieved. E-mails with pictures of them kissing and stuff. Who sent them to me? How can a person be so evil? How could he bring her to my party? How can he hold her and kiss her in front of me? How could he stop loving me after so long? How could he get a girlfriend two days after? What did I do wrong? Was everyting my fault? Why can´t I stop loving him even though I´m so mad at him? HELP ME PLEASE...GIVE ANY ADVICE!!

BellaC BellaC
18-21
4 Responses Feb 9, 2009

kick his *** out of your life and move on. i know theres pain but your young and you will meet someone special that will make a diffrence in your life not like this idiot. don't dwell on this.

You both played games, because that's what teenagers do. I know your heartbreak is real and crushing, but it will pass....there's a lot of sunshine left in your life, please remember that.<br />
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It's a good policy to show someone that you care about them...don't be afraid to tell a man what you like about him, and to show that you want to be with him....like in school, how you didn't act like a couple. You may get hurt by being open but you have to know that it's ok and so much better than the alternative, which is not exploring possibilties with a person.<br />
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You will be ok, sweetheart. It will get better, I promise you. Cry, talk to friends, get lots of exercise, write it out. Try yoga or meditation. Date.

You did nothing wrong you told him how you really felt. If he cant' execpt that its his problem. You should cut you self short because you don't know how someone is going to react. Its best to get these things out in the open. Even if he doesn't appreciate your honesty, I do. You have made my day with your story I am proud of you. I know it hurts but it will heal in time. It could be worse you could be involved in a relationship with lasting doubt.

Okay...this is just a teenage crush. I do not mean to trivialize your situation, but it is all it is. <br />
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This is not love, nor was it a real relationship. You had feelings for a boy and he did not return them. How he acted was seriously childish, and thus, should tell you all you need to know about him. <br />
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Not at all worth your tears and time. You did nothing wrong, nothing was your fault, and furthermore these things go hand in hand with High School etc. Be glad that this particular lesson is over and be ready for the next one...a real boyfriend. <br />
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Good luck.