I got out of my country looking for a new life. I arrived in Spain and was working at a small shop. In doing so I met him, the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life, sensitive, smart, musician, to sum up: my prince. He took me to live to his country Germany and I lived the most happy 10 months of my life, really! I never knew before what love was until I met him, I tried to change all the bad in me to make the relationship work. At nights I used to pray and asked God to be with him forever. However, exactly 3 months ago my ex broke up with me because according to him he didnt feel mature enough for a serious relationship... it was a cold Friday night, when he did that I felt something exploiting inside of me, I became a little bit aggresive, threw him some small stuff and offended him a lot. That awful night, I begged him to be with me, I offended and cursed him, I did so many crazy things, I cried as I had never cried before, the pain was unbereable! It felt as if somebody died for me. I couldnt stop hugging him but he repeatedly put my arms away from his body. The worst day of my life, I had a breakdown, I cried so hard and started to destroy our pictures together, my ex parents in law called a doctor to calm me down but the shot could not calm me, so after 24 hours of constant crying, they decided to take me to a mental hospital and I spent a week in there, it was a nightmare, it´s still a nightmare, i couldnt control myself that night and all i want is to be with him but he already saw my dark side. However, everybody deserves a 2nd chance, why not me? He told me he loved me, please stay with me, that I made him happy, etc, why this now? I cant continue with my life, I miss him so much! He didnt only take me out if his life but because of him I lost his great family, friends, pets and I lost all the good things I had in my new life.I have a mix of feelings now of hatred, love, resentment, melancholy, etc I feel i´m just drowing in a pool of disappointment and pure sadness. Beyond that i consider i´m not good for anything, i´m not a good daughter, sister, friend, girlfriend or whatsoever, feel so empty, useless, stupid, naive, to sum up i feel pathetic. I would like to end up with my suffering, i´m not good enough for anything or anybody, feel so weak and lonely. Hate myself so much. I had to move out from his house and now, i´m writing in a rented room, far from him and all of them who were once my family...I´m alone now, need to get a job and improve my German if i want to continue my life here, however, with my spirit broken i feel i cant do anything to improve at all. Life really sucks.
bala311 bala311
31-35, F
1 Response Aug 16, 2014

First off:

I am sorry that you had your heart broken. I understand the pain very well. I have had my heart broken so many times that even a tool box could not patch it up.

Secondly:

If you really did toss things at him... Perhaps it is better that you both are apart. For me, I learned the most about my exes when we broke up. He may have learned the worst thing about you in that very moment. But to go as far as to be put in a mental institution.... That does raise a few flags for me.

You were also throwing things at him, screaming and you did need to have an injection.

I´m sorry for your experiences, people can be so unfair and mean... i have never been before in such a place, i have just reacted in a very wrong and crazy way, the idea of not only losing him but all his family, the place i was living and everything else it tore me down, not only that, the idea of coming back to my chaotic country and see all my people disappointed about me, among lots of other thoughts leaded me into having this awful breakdown...so many things in my head that i couldnt control appropriately :(