Today was the first day in three days that I changed clothes, ate, had human contact.... And it all hurt. I still cry at random moments and am sick thinking of having to go to work tomorrow. Over the past several months of us being together my boss noticed and mentioned how much happier I was. How happy it made her to see me so happy. I don't even know if I can fake a smile tomorrow. My boss is my friend and I know she'll be there for me, but I don't know if I can even look her in the eye without all the pain that is in my heart coming to the surface again.

I used to think my heart had been broken once in college, but I was wrong. So very wrong. I have never felt emotional pain like this. It literally hurts to breath. I pray G_d gives me strength to keep it together at work and in public. It is going to be devastating to go through the day without us checking in on each other and seeing how our days are going. How I wish you were still with me. How I wish you had loved me as I loved you.
sar4952 sar4952
31-35, F
4 Responses Aug 17, 2014

I feel your pain, I was there few weeks back. Lost appetite, tears threatening to explode, avoiding looking people in the eye fearing they would ask "what happened" and I would not be able to hold myself back. Crying when alone helps you feel calm...so does talking to others who have been there...but make sure u trust them. I could be very strong but all their memories...are so beautiful that all my defenses are undone. Time is a good healer...

I understand your devastation. You can look at my story and see. My whole world came crashing down that day. I have had a hard time going on with my life without her. Deep depression, not wishing to eat at all, no motivation to do anything. I was a mess. While I am only slightly better now, I still hurt every day but not as badly. I know that I will never truly get over her but the pain will subside to a tolerable level in time. I feel your pain and I understand it completely. I have been making friends on this site that are going through similar pain and we are trying to help each other through this rough time in our lives. While I may not have the answers, I do have empathy as no one really understands unless they have had this utter devastation happen to them. You may contact me if you would like to talk and I can introduce you to several of my friends that are also going through rough times. May you heal your heart quickly...>HUG

Please allow yourself to feel what it feels. In time the pain will become a dull ache. But, right now the pain can be overwhelming. My advice is to move and keep busy. Understand you need to cry at times but you don't need to wallow in it and you don't need to fake it. Hiding your feelings will lead to sickness and increased pain. I know it hurts but move one foot at a time and keep busy. You will mend.

I'm really sorry you're going through and I do hope you come back around soon. Just try to focus on other things and overlook the situation. Is it really worth going through all this pain?