This might be a bit long, so bear with me.

A few months ago during my spring semester 2014 of college, I met someone; a boy I fell In love with. We started as friends and just a sexual thing, but we started hanging out more often, and then we became something more than friends. We would text all day long, call each other, and we would even make room to see each other daily. The relationship evolved kind of fast; but in those few months we got to know each other so well that we both felt like we had known each other forever.

We would be intimate almost every day, and one day while we were having sex those three words came out his mouth. We were making out and having a good time when he said "I LOVE YOU" I couldn't believe that he had said those three words, and yes I said it back. We knew we could count on each other for anything and everything, and that it would be a time of adventures; memories we would make, that will live for the rest of my life. We started hanging out more, and he started introducing me to his family and friends, as well as I did - I wasn't out at the time so I would introduce him as a friend to my family; but the friends that did know would know that we were dating - he did introduce me to everyone as his boy. I met his friends, his cousins, and since his mom lives in a different state I would text and talk over the phone with her.

I'm going to tell his story a little so you guys can understand the rest. His parent got divorced when he was sixteen, and a year later he started using drug. He went to jail twice in his home state, and then it was decided that he would move to California so he would have another opportunity. He went to rehab, and he lasted a year clean, then we met - we met on January - We met while his one year of sobriety was ending.

Around the end of March he told me that he wanted to have a drink, remember he had been clean of drugs and alcohol for a year. I told him how I thought it wasn't such a good idea, but then what can you do when the urge is so strong, and couldn't tie him to a bed; I just told him that he shouldn't do it, but if he was going to do it, to do it with me the first time after his year. So he did. I remember it was a Saturday when he first had his drink, and he was disappointed because he expected it to be amazing after having a drink, instead he said it was just a drink like if he was drinking soda, that he didn't feel anything special. This drinking night led to him hanging out with an old friend of his and doing drugs for the first time again. I didn't find out until a week later that he told me.

I was upset, but I told him that I would be there for him when ever he needed me. Then a week later while we were doing homework together at my house, a friend called that he needed a ride. He said he was with me and that he didn't want to leave so he hung up, but ten minutes later the friend called again. And I told him that he should go pick him up, even though I had the fear that he would do drugs with this friend. Then around 3am he texted me told me he had done meth and that he was in a motel room. He told me that he loved me and that he was sorry, so I told him I loved him too and that I would be there, and together we would get thorough this. We arranged plans for Me to pick him up since he was high, and for those of you that don't know the high of meth lasts for about 2 days. So the very next day I picked him up, I took him home, bathed him, and tucked him into bed while I went to grab something to eat. I skipped class the entire day and was there incase he wanted or needed anything.
In the process of all that time we had talked about how we should do Ecstasy together.

Then about two weeks later, we were going laser tagging for his cousins birthday, we met at his house early, so we could hang out the two of us for a bit. Little I know that he had bought Ecstasy pills and we would end up taking them that day. It was probably one of the craziest things I've Ever done, and I'm glad it was with him.
A few days later he asked me to move in with him, and I told him I couldn't because of my situation at home, let alone that at the time I was 20, but my culture wouldn't agree of me moving out of the house until I was done with college. He sent me texts saying that he couldn't live without me anymore and I told him I felt the same way.

We are now I'm the month of April, and my 21st birthday was in August so we started making plans to go to Vegas, and celebrate it the right way! The perfect way because he would be there with me! Then on April 29th we went to a party. I lied at home of my whereabouts, and then for some reason my parents decided to call one of the friends I was supposed to be hanging out with, and found out I hadn't been with them at all during that day, then they called my phone, and I told them were I really was, and I came out to them over the phone. That day at the party I had done cocaine, meth, adderall, and pot, I was so ****** up that when I got home I wasn't even thinking right. My parents then packed my bags and put me in a plane straight to my home country, because they wanted me to be as far away from him as possible. On May 1st I was arriving at the airport were my extended family was waiting for me.

My iphone was taken away, and so was my Mac, but I managed to hide the iPad so I could keep in contact with him. We would email and or skype every day. Until one time one of my aunts caught me and then it was decided that I was going to one of their vacation houses where there's no signal and I wouldn't be able to communicate with him. I emailed him what was going to happen and then we kind of said how great it was to meet each other, how much we loved each other, and how great things were; keep in mind we were planning to talk again as soon as I would be able to.
A week later I read a post about how he was missing, and if someone knew something to email his family. I promptly emails his cousins and then on Friday June 6th at 9pm I got an email with the news that he was found dead in his room. It had been a month that I was out of the US and he passed away. Without knowing, we said out goodbyes through the last email and skype call. I couldn't believe it was true until I called his mom, and she confirmed what had happened.

To this day I miss him, I love him so much, and I can't believe that he's gone. I wish that he was here, and every day I go throughout the day thinking about him. I can't believe he's gone, I can't believe the love of my life has been dead for two months. I will never be the same, and I'm unsure if I'll ever find someone as special as him. He will always be the love of my life and I can't have him, I can't be with him; all I know is, that I've died a little bit inside....

"How unfair is just our love, found something real that's out of touch"
22-25, M
3 Responses Aug 21, 2014

Wow that is so compelling. Forgive me for dawdling but this is the first time I've ever heard anything this surreal. I'm so sorry you had to experiece something like this so young. But imagine had he led you down that same path. Doing drugs don't define who you are it just shows there is a weakness that needs to be worked on. I'm sure he was missing you a lot and that your family just removed you from something that possible could've blossomed but now it's much harder. He's gone. The reality of that sucks. Just know that you will recover. Honor him. Grieve and find a productive way to recover. If he's watching you now, it's best if he knows your not killing yourself with bad things. Stay up! Be true!

I just read a post similar to your story on Facebook. Very heartbreaking. Will you ever be able to go to his grave site?

Is it from someone you know? And I hope I will get to go to his grave site one day!

No, it's not. How have you been? Are you doing okay?

I'm still struggling. Been thinking about suicide a lot lately. The pain is too strong.

Are you seeing a counselor. Do you have family or friends that you can open up to?
I will be praying for you anderrss. Please stay here, God has great plans for you!!

I'm not seeing a counselor,I want to though. I have a friend that I open up to, and I thank god for her, because she makes herself available for me 24/7 but she's in the US which makes us thousands of miles away.

Thank for the reply. I'm glad you have such a good friend. Try to hang in there. Life is tough sometimes. I've been through some struggles in my life. I went through some times that didn't make much sense to me. Although I have never suffered a death of a cherished one, I have felt internal emotional pain. Counseling for me helped so much. Keep talking with your friend. I hope you work your way through the pain. Thinking of you. Stay strong.

3 More Responses

I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend/lover.