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Blindsided After 13 Years And Two Children

 I have a broken heart caused by my husband..due to his lack of respect for me!  I found out he had a private phone to "chat" with his friends.  He will not share who his friends are, except for a woman he has been chatting with - she makes him happy and he is not willing to give her up.  He will give me up - 13 years of marriage, 2 children our home for another woman.

I have felt something was up - too many bathroom trips,  trips to store with out kids,  less affection, less communication - distant.  So I asked him what - even listed out all the possibilities - he denied everything and said it was work stress.  Many times over 6 months I asked him these same things - he assured me all was well and nothing but a funk.  I believed him.  I though maybe he was just addicted to something we could work it out.

I ended up in the hospital for a week in June  - two blood clots in lungs and one in my leg.  I spent that week worried and uncertain - my husband was strangely distant and he told me it was worry for he saw his life without me as chaos.  I thought "wow - this is our time to cherish what we have."  I was wrong - two weeks later I found him engaging in his private talks - and knew he was cheating - he denied it.

He decided he needed space - said I did not make him happy, yet he loved me.  Confused - I certainly was!  Blindsided by how he felt about us and our marriage - completely.  He had lied to me about his feelings, what he has been doing and to our children.  He stole time from our family by leaving to "chat" in private.  He has had every opportunity to discuss with me how he feels and he will not - he kept doing his thing with no thought to my thoughts and feelings.  I am lost as to what happened in our marriage - what went wrong?  I know I put 100 % into our relationship and knowing he was not with me in it - has broken my heart!

It is over - he is not the man I married - he is lost to me!  He still lies and we have been separated for six months - why?  He has refused to go to counseling  - flat out!  I am so angry and hurt.  I have to be strong for me children - they do not deserve to have such hurt and pain caused by their father - it is sad.  We all have broken hearts...we are mending these together.

 

faithinme faithinme 36-40, F 2 Responses Jan 26, 2010

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Wow.. I am in a similar spot in my marriage. My wife is accusing me of all types of stuff.<br />
In my case, I don't even have or want a cell phone.I have no GF's, no real chat friends online.<br />
I have not chatted online in ten yrs. I let her look at all my e-mails. She says I am cheating, I broke her heart. But to be honest, she has withdrawn from me and the kids. I took care of the kids while she "traveled" for work. She was usually gone 12 to 14 weeks a yr. I changed to poopy diapers, as it made her sick. I read to the kids every night, I cleaned the house, cut the lawn, etc. Ok she did the cooking when she was home and she did the laundry...Big deal. She withdrew her emotions..cheating us of our prime yrs. Now we are approaching retirement age, and she wants to start planning for that.<br />
How do I tell her, I have no intentions of living with her after I retire. <br />
Tired of the crap.

It's devastating. I'm there too...14 years and two kids. How could anyone be worth giving up being with your kids full time? I've tried to wrap my mind around it a thousand times and given up before I go crazy. I'm sorry!