Understand Me?

Twenty days since he left without a word in person. Now he is so far away that there seems to be a whole galaxy between us. When I start t think of the words he said to me that I believed so much. How can I be s nieve?

This is my third broken heart....first was when my mom died in my arms at age 19 and second when I was seperated from my kiddo's. These are different stories then what I want to write about maybe another time.

I am moving inside of my third broken heart this time it has to do with my husband. This feels different and strange to me. I wish I could see the end of this stabbing feeling, as if a sword was shoved up though my belly button into my heart. This feeling is constant and though I try to distrack myself with construstive things once I slow down it is there tearing me up.

When I wonder is this really happening? Is this a nightmare?

I dwell on things that make no since like what id I didn't have a drink or maybe I could have done more. I don't see how I could have done much more in the stressed out state I was in at the time.

I am chasing the white rabbit trying to find the answer but the isn't one.

fallenwife fallenwife
46-50, F
1 Response Feb 23, 2010

I've been there and have the shirt. Loss of relationship hurts the worst. We feel the loss itself, plus the feeling of having failed, and self doubt, and loneliness, all rolled together.<br />
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But it takes two, you know, to build and maintain a love relationship. More and more lately, people have learned on TV and movies that a romance can be conducted and conclued in one hour, or so. So when they "fall" madly in love, they get bored a short time later. After the honeymoon, the endorphine rush fades away and what is left is the friendship, and the partnership, and the commitment you share. The old fashioned method of dating people your parents would approve of, then a long courtship and engagement, followed by a public ceremony wedding, created a depth of involvement with one another that often survived the trials and viscitudes of life. The idea that sex was exclusively for married couples was a relationship strength as well. <br />
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Today, sex is available without meaningful relationship. Courtship is thought to be an old fashioned idea. And even marriages are formed without much sense of partnership, at least, not necessarily by both parties.<br />
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But the loss of a spouse, or "life partner" still hurts, just like it always did.<br />
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I am sorry for you, Ex-Wife. I've had two wives leave me, and I feel your pain. But I still believe in love, and that real joy can only be found in a deep relationship of a good, or great, marriage. I will try again.<br />
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Try to remember who you are? What are you likes and dislikes? What in a man really rocks your boat? Take that knowledge and find a man who shares your passions, and loves you for who you really are. Best wishes, Dear.