Need Help, Suffering From A Broken Heart That Will Not Heal...

I am new to this site and I am struggling mightily with a broken heart. The pain is unbearable at times mentally and physically. I constantly am thinking of my ex girlfriend and cannot stop dwelling on the past and the what ifs and i cant stop wishing i could have done certain things differently etc... Let me start by telling my story


I met my ex in October of 2006 at the gym that we both used to go to. The funny thing was that I had known her from years before. We both live in the same town and went to the same high school. I am 27 now and she is 25. I remember when I was a senior in high school, she was a sophmore and I thought to myself that she was going to be absolutely gorgeous when she gets older. We actually started to hang out a little my senior year and we even kissed once.

 

I ended up going to college and never saw her again until I ran into her at the gym in October of 2006. I remember that morning like it was yesterday because when I laid eyes on her there I was amazed by how beautiful she was and I instantly thought to myself how I would love to date her but never thought it would happen. Anyway, it took me a week or two to get the courage to talk to her and then another week or two to work up the nerve to ask her out.

 

Once we did go out we hit it off great and fell in love. We were perfect for each other in our eyes as well as in the eyes of all of our friends and family. We officially became a couple dating on 12/1/06. The relationship was amazing and I was head over heels for her and still am.

One of the problems is that around the time I started dating her, I had just begun a new job. I was very unhappy with my prior job and i wasnt very happy in general until she came into my life. She was like an angel sent from heaven.  I started this new job and to make a long story short, I realized that it was dead end and i became very unhappy with that part of my life. I was literally miserable and even became depressed. She knew how unhappy I was and she was always there for me. It got to the point where I was so unhappy and miserable with work, that it sucked the life out of me. I lost interest and motivation to do things, by the time the weekend came around, I was so drained mentally and physicallly that we pretty much spent friday and saturday nights at her house just layin in bed watching movies or tv shows and having a few glasses of wine.

 

It got to the point where my sex drive almost became non exist now that I can look back in hindsight. I was clearly depressed. The thing is, there were some warning signs from her periodically, but they were always through email because i guess it was a touchy subject to talk about wich i can understand but we were so close and loved each other so much that I dont know how she couldnt just tell me these things to my face. I was in such a horrible state of mind and so unhappy with my self and the career part of my life, that I would see the warnings when she sent them, but fall back into that rutt shortly after. It was almost like i knew i needed help, but was so stuck that i couldnt seek it.

 

Anyway, In October of 2009 on a regular friday night, i went over her house as usual and when i walked in i could see that she had been crying. My heart started to beat rapidly, my stomach dropped, and I had that instant feeling in my gut that she was going to break up with me. This was totallly out of the blue but I just sensed it. She went on to pour her heart out to me and in a nutshell she said that everything was so perfect and she never though the relationship would end because I had become almost non existant in an intimate way if you know what i mean. She also said that we got to comfortable. She also said that she thought she was already to far gone, meaning it was to late to change her mind.

 

I begged and pleaded with her that i was going through a hard time in my life and that was the true reason and that she knew that. I promised her that things would become better. Anyway, she didnt break up with me and we agreed to take it slow, one day at a time and work on it.

To make another long story short, for the next month she never really wanted to hang out, she stopped telling me she loved me, and wheneve we were together and i went to kiss her, she always gave me the cheek. It was clear that she had already made up her mind a month earlier ans she strung me along for a month.

 

She broke up with my in early November and she literally transformed into a completely different person, someone I never knew existed. She started dating some kid that her best friend hooked her up with literally days after she broke up with me and is still with this kid. To make it worse, i see them together all the time at the gym, and her pictures on facebook are of them kissing and on vacation together. My cousins have ran into her a bunch of times and spoke to her and they have told me that she just isnt the same person anymore, that shes weird all of a sudden and that she seems to literally not give a **** about me almost like we never dated.

 

This is the girl that was madly in love with me as I was with her(and obviouslt still am). We spoke many times about getting married and spending our lives together. How can she be that close with me and that in love with me for 3 years and just transform on a dime like that. Not only into a complete stranger, but to not even care about me. And how can you instantly started dating the first guy that comes your way. I know who this guy is to, he isnt a good looking guy and he isnt a great person at all. He just happens to be the best friend of her best friends's fiance. Hence the whole tryin to hook her up knowing what she was going through.

 

I havnt spoken to her since November. I have tried callin a few times but gave up because she never answered. Like I said, I see them together at the gym and it makes me so sad and hurt so much. We live in the same small town so I am going to see her there a lot and I am going to see her in passing a lot.

 

I literally thought i was going to be with her forever as did she. How is this all possible. How could she not have tried everything possible to work out any problems or issues she had with the relationship as oppoed to just bailing on me like that. It doesnt make sense.

I have lost 18 pounds since the breakup from lack of sleep and appetite. I cant imagine ever loving or being loved by another woman.

Please help
cn1282 cn1282
26-30, M
3 Responses Mar 2, 2010

sometimes we meet our love in wrong time....we wait all life that spesial person and when we meet him or her its wrong time...we are in depression or we have serious problems in life that make us nervious, stressed, behave not normal sometimes, those problems and sufferings dont let us concentrate on our love and dont let us feel happy and make the person u love feel happy with u., life problems and fears, stress, all that makes us not comfortable people who are hard to bear,....u hope that the one u love so much will understand and be patient, will make exuses for u and support, but instead u hear #i cant be happy with u, i cant be near such a nervious person#, we think that if a person loves truly he will overcome that togather, he will understand that sometimes under the circumstances people become not what they really are and they can be angry, nervious, go inside so called shell, even be hard with beloved, but it doesnt mean that they dont love or dont need that person.....unfortunately sometimes life circumstances can ruine everything,,,,,i lost my love in that way...they only person that i really loved with all my heart for all my life..and will love forever,...he lost patience...and didng give me any chance eventhough i begged and tried to explain and admitted all mistakes of mine.....

I know exactly how you feel...my boyfriend of 2.5 years just moved out of our house on April 5th because he needs space. Only thing is he still calls, comes over and says I love you, i miss but I need space. If you love someone, you work out the problems, not run away!

Hello. <br />
<br />
I am so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I feel your pain so very much. I wish I could help you by saying something wise, but at least I can share my story with you so you know you are not alone in this pain.<br />
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I am going through similar situation with my ex boyfriend. It's a very similar familiar story. We also were together for over 2 years. He was my everything, my future, my hope for a good life. We were so very much in love. He used to have tears in his eyes when were were talking to each other, telling each other how much love we share. We planned our future together. We were compatible in every aspect of life, with similar upbringing, ideas, goals and general view of life. We completed each other in every way possible. We felt it and enjoyed that fact. It was so rare to find someone who understood you so completely. <br />
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He has two children from his previous marriage in full custody and I was willing to become the step mom they so badly needed to raise them with love and understanding of what they already went through. I was willing to give it everything.<br />
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But then, from nowhere, after a year and half of intense love and relationship, and also spending all our time together, he started to cool of and mentioned to me that he has lost that excitement and infatuation we once had. I thought to myself, that's pretty normal in every relationship. You cannot be madly in love forever. The infatuation gets slowly replaced with real love and respect for one another. But for some reason, in his case, it didn't. He started to be distant and we stopped having that amazing connection we once had. I was still trying to keep it positive and I was thinking maybe he was just going through a phase of being down and depressed. And depressed he got. Over work and financial matters in general. I supported him every way I could, always trying to stay positive.<br />
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Then I had to go away for 6 weeks in October/November '09, to see my family in Europe which I have not seen in over 5 years. He couldn't come with me because of his children. We kept in touch through MSN and Facebook. He still sent me "I love you notes" etc. But there were signs of times where he wouldn't talk to me or pretend he was not home for a while. He even said things like "you are trying to suck all my free time away"... just because I was saying hello on MSN to him...<br />
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When I got back, things were very good. He missed me and we picked up where we left off. Things were actually extremely good and intimate and we spent Christmas so beautifully that I believed all was great once again. He was so kind and affectionate to me and I felt like I had him back. I was planning to move in with him after the new years and finally start the life we always wanted together...<br />
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But then out of nowhere he called me on January 2nd, and told me that he thinks it's best for me to stop coming to his place and that he wants to move on and start dating again to find that excitement he lost with me...<br />
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I was in total shock. I sat there for hours, staring out my window, trying to comprehend what just happened. I couldn't even function for few days. It was hard to get out of bed and live... I cannot describe the pain I was and am still feeling. Following one week later we had series of talks about what was going on in his mind. I did get a lot of my questions answered, but the answers were so confusing to me. <br />
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Apparently, he has not loved me for quite some time. He was just taking me along for a ride for few months trying to figure out what to do with his life... So I understood that we (I) was living a lie without even realizing it. The beautiful Christmas we shared was apparently his way of saying good bye to me? It was over long before he was able to say it! <br />
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My life has shattered. My heart is so badly hurt and broken that I cannot imagine anything ahead more than few days at a time. I cry and cry for hours and days. I have hard time getting out of bed and living my life. It is so unbearably painful for me.<br />
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This was a man I was prepared to give up everything for, marry him, raise his kids, etc. This was a guy who said he was betting everything on our life together. How can someone love so much and then just one day wave a magic wand and stop that love... I will NEVER understand that.<br />
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It's been 2 months since we broke up and based on his Facebook posts, he is already in a relationship with someone else, and he posted that "she is the ONE" he's been looking for !!! ????? <br />
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It's unbelievable. How can they just move on that fast? It's like I totally ceased to exist to him. I am no one. Just a speck of dust from his past...<br />
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He lives in the same building on the same floor I do, few doors down from me. His car is parked beside mine daily. It's brutal for me. I am paralyzed with pain and cannot imagine ever trusting or loving another man again.<br />
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So I know what you are going through. I wish I could give you a big hug and tell you, that you are NOT alone in this. There are probably millions of us who would tell you similar stories. The world has gone crazy when it comes to love. And I wish we could all get together and share this pain and help each other out. We can at least share our pain here...