And I Don't Know Why.

I spent most of my marriage, and dating life with my husband completely miserable yet totally convinced by him that I couldn't make it on my own. Nothing I could do was right, I dropped out of college because he spent the time I was in insulting my major, my ability to complete anything, my intelligence. I couldn't find a job because when I was looking he would spend time insulting my reasons for looking, my ability to work outside the home, my skills (I can't do anything but cooking and cleaning according to him) my earning potential, if I got an interview my self esteem was so shot and I was so nervous they wouldn't hire me.  I didn't have friends because everything I said was wrong (he told me so) I was allowed to hang out with him and his friends with ground rules on how I talked acted and dressed but alone I wasn't allowed to do anything, because I would screw up and talk wrong.  I didn't trust my family because he said they were talking about me to him and told me I was bad and evil and they loved him not me.  Now that hes found another girl why do I feel so bad, and miss him. I do not get it, why can't I live without being put down for everything I do. Why is my world falling apart now that he is gone. 

My family is happy for me, they told me afterwards that they watched how he treated me and wondered why I stayed, my daughters all wondered as well. If they say this, why am I so hurt and miserable. 

vampyres32 vampyres32
31-35, F
1 Response Mar 2, 2010

I am so sorry to hear of your experience. Its a funny old life and relationships are really hard to manage. Good relationships are hard work and bad relationships are killers.. <br />
Its sound like you really are better off without this jerk but I understand your frustration. I would recommend you read a book that has helped me tremendously, its title is ' Women who love too much' and it is by Robin Norwood. Don't be put off by the title, this book saved my life and gave ME the tools I needed to stop going into a downward spiral and start healing from a similar relationship.<br />
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Good luck and God bless