Confused And So Sad

 


I am so sad.  Last night the man I have been seeing on and off for a year and a half sent me a text message to tell me he will not be seeing me anymore.  He had said about two weeks ago that he'd be moving soon and wouldn't see me anymore, so I've had to psyche myself up for that but still was not prepared.  I wrote back and asked him if he had already moved or if there was some other reason and he did not write back.  I sent him another text saying what an amazing experience it had been and wishing him luck and he returned the sentiments.  And that was it.

 

I'm so in love with this man, but our relationship was never more than sex.  Still, he had seemed to care; I know he, like me, was scared of allowing himself to love and then being hurt.  Despite the fact that he never admitted it, I feel that he did (does?) have feelings for me.  I mean, who keeps a booty call for a year and a half, through several petty fights?  Sigh.  Maybe I'm just delusional.

 

I must confess, I did not know what to do with my pain and so I went and sat outside his parents house that he was supposed to be moving out of, and cried for a long time.  I finally went home but noticed that the porch light was still on even though the house was dark and thought to myself, what if he didn't really leave........... so being a crazy stalker lady, I actually woke up in the middle of the night and drove back to his house to see if his car was there.  It was.  So I went from being brokenhearted but thinking he just had moved, to being brokenhearted and wondering what the real reason was that he had broken it off with me.  He had been over just days earlier, acting still very into me.  So I don't understand.  Ironic, because in his text he said "thanks for understanding."  Well I don't understand and I guess I will never know what's really going on with him.

 

I miss him so much.  I'm at work and I can't stop crying.  It is really a problem.  How do people function in this state?
cssoulsearching cssoulsearching
26-30, F
1 Response Mar 8, 2010

Hello dear,<br />
<br />
What you have written is sweet, you are a sweet person, you see the good things in others. But your story is reminiscent of so many others. It does appear many men have been taught a culture of "love" in which they enjoy sex with a nice girl and move on.<br />
No string attached , you know. Now you must be hurting like hell because you need to be loved, we all need to be loved, and you probably love something in that person, something that brings you relief and comfort.<br />
Now, please, sis, embrace your love for life, fall in love with yourself, discover all your blessings. Breathe in the air of freedom. You don't have to suppress your feelings , you must develop them beyond that relationship.