I am just coming on to middle age and it seems to me that the only thing that I have accomplished is to back myself into a corner in life. I have tried the "normal" lifestyle in that I got married, had kids, have a long career and became a very spiritual person. I had things figured out, at least thats what I thought. I have come to believe that everything that I have done in life is meaningless. I have friends that truly love me, I have a family that is there when I need them, which is not that often. Being the alpha sibling my family members tend to look up to me for advice and direction. I feel angry at this because I don't have a ******* clue myself as to what to do about **** in my own life let alone try to figure out someone else's path. I am simply unhappy with where my life ended up. I know that I have the power to change my circumstance, I just don't have the desire. I don't want to say that I have given up...but I basically have. I go around in life with my happy mask on and rarely let people in for fear that they will finally figure out that I am all messed up. I have lost my spirituality. It used to be stong in me and for some reason...it's gone. I can't seem to figure out how to get back there, even though I know that it's right there for me to take...all I have to do is reach out....I just can't do it.
Creator...help me...I'm losing it!