I Was Like His Shadow

I have  an older brother we call him hum-mer who ment a lot to me,he was like my romodel cause he wis gay and not affraid to flaunt it .He taught me to be confident in my self as a big girl...to have attitude.  He never cared what other people thought  about him Just dont ever call him a ******! well our bond was like glue I would JOin him out side when he would smoke just to hang out with himand ask a lot of questions about this lifestyle of his.Well at the age of thirteen I found my self getting close to most of his gay friends and the gay community. By the age of 15 I found myself looking at women in the way i never thought I would Beautiful sexy attractive so I confesed to him I trust him witheverything And I mean everything . When I finally went to my first club it was a gay bar in Houston,Tx I had so much fun and continued going ...Then came the drugs my brother smoked weed  so i was stealing his roaches(left overs) and smoke them behind his back I finally confessed to him about that and he was cool with it  and handed me a blunt in fron of my mom and she looked at him crazy lol man it was priceless. He had a lover named Julio man at times I hated this guy for the longest but hid it for my brother .Julio would just sit there and have my brother like his personal bit ch and hurt my brother so bad he slit both of his wrist and i would cry for hours cause my big brother was hurting and i couldnt do nothing abou it. julio even caused some major damage to our family  something so bad it cant be fixed.well my brother finally got caught up with julio at the wrong time  and they both got locked up..... then this beautiful woman we called her karma she bailed my brother out and took him in to get his life together it worked for a little while. My brothe couldnt find a job out there so he watched karmas two girls as his part of rent trust me it was worth it .He told me he got treated like crap from the girls and when he told karma she would not punish them for anything.After two years he finally called me with a lump in his thoat asking to come home into my home if me and my husband would take him in I couldnt resist I wanted my brother back! We moved him as soon as possible and I was loving every second of it till he started going out bring my loud cousin in and parting every weekend for two months straight And my husband got tired of supporting him a man that can work so I had to tell him to finally get a job.It took awhile   to get it together but after two three weeks he got one thank god .....hewas working at denny's for a month ...then got fired for well it a secret  shhhh...then he started going out again. Me and my husband were planning to look for a houseand well no one was going to move in with us if they didnt have a job so I didnt  have any excuse to tell my brother he couldnt move in cause he was starting to look again and I had faith in him. Well we got offered a house sooner then what we thought. And he has not got a job so now I needed a reason to tell him he had to look for another place to stay place to stay and that he had two three weeks. well he didnt sweat it at all thinking his baby sister was going to kick him out it was like a game to him i guess ...well then he came to me a week before we had to get out of our apartment with his camera to show me picture of a rave he went to when I found a video of him anfd some others expierencing salvia or something like that well I asked him why he would do something like bring some forien drug into our apartment and he snatched the camers out my hand and yelled at me its not illegal jut fu cking forget about it and what i saw there was a perfect oppertunity so i yelled up the stairs if thats the case  you got to be out ill give you one week...man did that hurt I feelt hurt in so many ways but for him i guess it ment nothing I can Never look at him the same again I felt as if we were broken torn apart  no longer a tight bond even though he has forgiven me I cant forgive myself for what i did to my big brother, to my diary, to my best friend, ugh I just hat that part of me we were so close and now I dont think we will ever be again.  

coconutlove89 coconutlove89
18-21, F
1 Response Feb 23, 2010

well i was wrong