What Should I Do?

My husband and I have been together for eight years; married for five years. And lately he's been very secretive and on a very short fuse. He has now started to "sleep" with his phone! I found a text message from a woman whom my husband said was a guy and it was about them meeting later that evening. He's been picking fights with me to only take off and return five hours later. He refuse to spend anytime with me or our five year old son. We have to 'earn' time with him. He doesn't bug me for sex anymore like he used to and won't even touch me. I accessed his phone records and saw that he was calling the other woman from work. And he's been texting her from work too. Now he's threatening to end the marriage because I'm never happy. And then last night he texted me that he really loved me; after he said he wanted me to give up on our marriage. What should I do?
amitiel81 amitiel81
26-30
4 Responses Jul 28, 2010

Let him go and he will realize that he messed up he sounds conƒused. Iƒ he dont or you dont want him back it wasnt meant to be and it was eventually gonna happen better sooner then later.

The last comment sounds exactly like how I feel. I feel like there is a whirlwind going in my head and my thoughts and emotions are in that wind.....He tells me he loves me and wants to make it work but doesn't back any of his words up. Confused and frusterated and completely lonely! He says he wants to be selfish-but at what cost...I feel like I am going crazy!!!! My husband too also became very mean which was so not like him to treat me that way. I wish a manual came with our men! How do you deal?

Sounds like lack of communication, what do you want? That is the first step you need to take. It sounds to me like you don't want his sexual advances, yet miss his touch. That you are upset about his outside connections, but not willing to reconnect. what is it you want?

well, i have been in your situation. not with marrage but with a long term relationship that i thought was going to be marrage at some point. I thought he was talking to these other women and not touching me becasue he was with other women. what i would do is, take him to a place where you two, just you two, can talk. no distractions no other people and i wouldnt even bring your child. When he is relaxed and somewhat calm i would ask him about it. Write everything down and go over it a few times to make sure that you really want to say those things to him and that you havent missed anything. If he is willing to listen just tell him to sit and listen that you need to get everything out and then he can add was he needs to. Im not saying it is going to be easy but it might shed some light on why he is acting the way he is acting.<br />
In my relationship it ended up being something that i was doing that he wasnt putting up with anymore and also things that he was not able to do that i was asking of him. It was not another woman like i though it was.<br />
make sure to write out what you are thinking and feeling before even approaching him about it. also it might be good to write out a pros and cons list, take a few days to do this one. But the pros and cons list i find helps me get a better grasp on how i feel about the situation and helps me know if i am willing to keep going with it or to just let it go and move on.<br />
<br />
best of luck<br />
hope everything turns out the way you want it to