Will I Ever Be Able To Believe Him Again?

I have been married for 5 years I have two small children and I’m only 24; a year ago in Jan. of 2011 my husband began an affair with his boss’s daughter. So someone we both knew she was even at my daughter’s first birthday party. So she wasn’t a stranger, well anyway he began his sexually emotional affair he would see her every weekend after work for the next three months. In March they ended it because according to them they both felt it was time and the guilt caught up to them. Months had gone by since their last encounter but they consistently text messaged each other at all hours of the day and night. One morning in August of 2011 I woke up to his phone going off at 4 in the morning to her text message stating “I wanna feel you”. I confronted him and he denied it but of course I wasn’t stupid unfortunately for him that following weekend I ran into her in the club and went off it got physical. The next day she confessed to everything and I left him and took our two children. A few weeks later after a lot of deliberation and confusion, I went home. Now I still wonder if I made the right decision and wonder everyday if he would do it again. Not to mention the relentless agonizing of images of the two of them and having to wonder if he thinks about her. He has been pretty open about it all and has answered all of my questions; I know every detail of what happened and how it happened. That made it worse though. I still do not trust him and wonder if I ever will again… I find myself growing stronger and sometimes further away from him. Although the crying has stopped the hurt is still there and I look at him completely differently since august I have not looked at him and been completely in love with him. I fear feeling that way again. Am I the only one that feels that way?
todayisbetterthanyesterday todayisbetterthanyesterday
22-25
1 Response May 15, 2012

when i was talking to him about it he said he felt sorry for her and that she was just nice and that she gave him attention i didn't. well i was a full time student and mom at the time.