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Helpless

What I've felt in my gut for a while was just confirmed in a series of emails I found. My husband has shown me nothing but love for the 4 years of our marriage. This female "friend" needed her car fixed a few months ago and that's when it all began. Texting back n forth in secrecy, finding excuses to leave the house alone and then after I found suspicious texts he started deleting them and assured me that their friendship was not emotional and that she was a good friend that was easy to talk to. I actually met with her and spoke to her and she had me believe that they were just friends. I had my doubts from the start and then the rumors started. Her fiance dumped her because he suspected their affair. He also is in a band and plays out in bars 4 nights a week while I'm home caring for his child. The other band members girlfriends were warning me about this woman and I tried to convince myself it was just them starting drama as they are known to do that. Then I find a series of emails between them today and it was very obvious they are having an affair and are in love. When I confronted him he tried to turn it around on me and said I wasn't affectionate enough and that there's no passion anymore. We just purchased a home which has put us in serious debt and I quit working 2 years ago to pursue a degree with full time school to better our life and future. I'm at such a loss. If I weren't married, unemployed and now joint owner of a house with him I'd run like hell. He wants to work it out and deleted her from all his accounts and phone and assures me that it's over but how can I ever trust him again. I'm so heartbroken and confused. I never thought he would do something this hurtful to me as he knew it was the one and only thing I couldn't handle.
distraut90 distraut90 36-40, F 4 Responses Jul 5, 2012

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hi distraut90 <br />
sweetie i really truly understand how u feel. I am not the one to give u advice only because I am currently in the same situation, but do know that I am feeling ur hurt and all i can say is ask for guidiness and it will come thats all i know to do

Let him know exactly what you expect of him. You have the upper hand right now. So use it to your advantage.

He has a 6 yr old with another woman (before we were together). This hit me out of no where. I knew our marriage had gotten less "spark" then in the beginning and just figured it was normal and we'd get through it. He swears up and down it was only an emotional affair and not physical...I have my doubts and even so, an emotional affair is just as bad. He really wants to work this out but I already had trust issues to begin with and now I'm not sure I'll ever trust another person again. I feel stuck. I don't want to leave but it scares me that if I did want to leave I wouldn't know the first way to go about it.

Why do you think it is more than emotional? Yes I agree it is just as bad if not worse. I am in the same situation, not sure where or how to go about leaving. i do know I can do it if I had too. If you do leave their are many men out there that will be faithful. I think. Don't let the house keep you tied to him. If he wants to try to work it out, and you think you do Give a try.

When you say his child, is it his with another woman or is it your child? How old is the child? Are there any more children? I just found out that my husband was cheating with someone for ten years, it is a emmotional relationship. I have 4 children ranging from 20yrs old to 4 years. I have decided to stay for now. I will give him only one chance that it. Not so much for the children but for the time we have together. 22 years together. Do you think he can be faithful? Do you truely love him and can you let this go? <br />
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I do not have no answer for you but trying to help you think it out. It is a very difficult thing to go through. Do not let the house make you stay or the kids.