Shall I Send This To His Wife?

I have been fooling around by a man in the last two months with continuous liars, eventually I decided to leave him and move on, last time I compose the mail below, shall I tell his wife the truth? I decide to give myself 3 days to think, as the letter below will cause a huge hurt to the other lady,seriously not sure if the wife should know or not.


Sorry for writing to you like this, especially deeply and sincerely apologies for having been involving your marriage "unknowingly".

I knew Daniel in the tennis court over 2 months ago, during the first month I thought I had met the sweetest and caring man on this world. Knowing me as a tennis enthusiasm, he would book the court to practice with me, make my training plan and give me tips. He would come to my office just to see me and have lunch together. Especially he sent me about 7500 loving and caring text messages within 2 months. I asked him why sweet man like him was still available, he said he was engaged to an English/French lady last year and finally split up in May. I asked why he couldn't bring me to his place or spend evenings together, he said that Dad was around and he need to take care of him as he just had a heart operation. I googled his name and asked him who is Jing Jing (I saw the pictures you took in New York in March), he said that was a random girl met in the art event.

Until one month ago, I was asked by other tennis players twice if I am Daniel's wife, I started to doubt his marriage status, he denied completely by telling people on the court he had never married and swear to the god, eventually he admitted that he had married 7 years ago after I put together more evidence 2 weeks ago, however he added that his marriage was about to end anyway due to the endless arguments, miscarriage, lack of intimacy and sexual life, unpleasant trip with your parents last year and your plan of spending more time in China, etc. I told him if we were just sexual partner, he should let me know and set the right expectation and game rule, he said he had been deeply in love and wanted a future and kids together. Meanwhile, he kept on saying that he was a faithful monogamist. I thought of giving him a bit time to see how this relationship develops. I told him that he should either fix it or get out of it, I would not have sex with him till he becomes available as I would feel guilty to his family. I would not stay with him for the bank holiday weekend as you are up in Scotland. Meanwhile I become more conscious about his words, again I found he is a sweet-talker but big series liar. Once a cheater always a CHEATER, this is just human nature.

I decide to move on and seek for my new happiness as I feel ashamed of had been involved in this relationship and could not stay with someone lack of loyalty, integrity, ethics and self-control. But I also had been debating for quite a while whether I should let you know, especially I had been on your side of story 8 years ago -- had been with a man constantly having affairs here and there, I wish people could have told me early and woken me up from the "fairy tale" he gave to me, then I could decide what I want for life. I apologies for having crashed into your world in such a way, though I had been trying to make sure I was not with an attached man, things still happened. I also apologize for the pain and outcome this letter might bring to you, but we both are Chinese girls living abroad alone, all I want to say is "be strong, be selfish and take care of yourself".

with my sincere apologizes and best wishes,
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lilyliu lilyliu
31-35, F
10 Responses Aug 24, 2012

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You should send it! She has a right to know. It's not out of spite and therefor, you are doing this with good intentions. Good luck!

Send it. She deserves to know. Your letter is not an "in your face", hurtful letter, its appropriate.
I appreciate your integrity and I believe ultimately, so will his wife. Seriously, send it.

I decide to hold up the letter for the time being and told him not to contact me till he could show me the divorce paper, otherwise I will contact his wife. <br />
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He is still texting every day to say that he misses and loves me, it's hard that I did fell for him. But need to be strong, fundamentally I deserve an "available" man!<br />
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Time to move on, thank you for your support.....lots of love xx

Send the letter, she deserves to know. You also need to move on. Change your number or block his. Also, no matter what you believe - his feelings aren't real, if they were, he would have left. He would have been honest, with BOTH of you. Don't be the stereotypical mistress that swears the "relationship" she had with a married man was a real one, it's not. His wife obviously deserves better than this man & you do, too. Let.him go, move on and remember: he cheated on her, he'll cheat on you, too.

I would send it! I would want to know it will hurt her but she should know that her husband is sleeping around and still sleeping with her! you could save her life. Men suck!!!!

As a wife who has been cheated on. Send her the letter, she deserves to know what kind of man she is married to. I have caught my husband cheating several times. I choose to stay because I believe in my heart it is the best thing for our kids and for me right now. But she definately deserves to know. Her finding out could be the thing that saves their marriage.<br />
PS If he hasn't left her already, he doesn't really want to leave her, and you won't be able to trust him once you are his wife.

While I am writing this, still I have been receiving numerous messages and phone calls from him to tell me that he loved me so much, all the feelings are true, not to be too hard on him, we just met at the wrong time, let's have a baby then everything will sort out, he would have married me within 2 months if he met me 8 years ago, etc, I picked one call to tell him, either he went on an immediate separation (within one week) or never contact me any more, but still .....<br />
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What on earth does he want? I am not sure what I want to get out of this letter, honestly I won't walk back, but think he deserve a lesson. I hate man lying, I have been telling him so many times that he should not contact me, if he is married, but he still...; he need to build up some credibility, stop talking and do something, but still..; he makes different lies everyday just to keep me one day longer; <br />
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Once upon the time I thought he really loved me, he put sleeping pill in his wife's water, then knocked my door at 1am to kiss and hug me, told me that his dad was sick and he need to leave and can't sleep over.....<br />
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By doing all the above, he still acts as a loving, loyal husband and booked a trip with his wife to China in two weeks, as his wife is going to introduce some connection for his business. His wife will stay there for two months with parents, while he would only stays 10 days, You could imagine what he would do once back from China. <br />
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Seriously I am furious and hate man like this, 8 years ago I was cheated by my boyfriend with constant affairs here and there for over 3 years, thought I could never tolerant man like this!!

next time he contacts you tell him you will send the letter to his Wife!

per him, they have no kids

He does not say truth to her!

Think first would you want to get this letter? What are your motives for sending it? I do not know if he has kids? Devorce is harder on the kids! most never really recover and that is the real shame of it all!