Cheated With My Close Friend And Neighbor

I had been married for 10 years with two children ages 9 and 5. In 2007 I found out that my husband was having an affair with my close friend and neighbor. This is absolutely the last thing I ever thought he would do. The affair was over a year long.The affair had already been going on for months when my 9 year old son suffered a horrible strep infection and had to be hospitalized and hour a way. I moved into the hospital and when he came home there were a lot of doctors appts and physical therapy to help him gain his strength back. My husband and my friend used this time that I was away to meet and have their affair in our home. They made their way through every room in our house including my 5 year old daughter's bed. I know this because he told me the details. They were discovered by my friend's husband. He found their graphic emails on his home computer. They were planning their next meeting... we live in a small town. My husband is very well known because of his profession, so is his mistress. I was embarrassed and humiliated. My husband claimed to end the affair after he was discovered. I put our house up for sale. I could not live directly across the street from that woman. I had to move my children into a rental home while waiting for the house to sell. He moved in with us and we started weekly counseling. I wanted to make my marriage work, I wanted my family. I was devastated, traumatized, barely functioning. We eventually sold the house and bought another house in the same town and moved in. We continued therapy, both couples and individual weekly for 3 years. I started taking medication for anxiety. I had nightmares. I had to drink or disassociate in order to have sex with my husband. In 2010, my husband started acting differently. Very anxious. Our sex life was horrible and our communication was breaking down. I basically pulled the parachute. I could not physically go through the trauma of another affair. I retained an attorney and began divorce proceedings. I guess where I need help and support is that because I didn't seek a divorce immediately after the affair, I am being judged critically by some family and friends. He is also saying awful things about me to his family and friends. I never did this to him. I also have to say that after asking for the divorce, I reconnected with a person I dated before I was married. I did tell my husband prior to starting this new relationship. Even though we were still married, we were in the process of divorce. I have never lied to my husband about this relationship. I'm having a very hard time forgiving myself for failing at my marriage and for having a relationship before my divorce is final.
shannmm shannmm
Sep 17, 2012