Confused Please Help

me and my husband have been married for 3 years and he has now cheated on my 3 times once every year. the first time was right after we got married and at the time we werent in love (we got married because i was pregnant) the second was the month after our 2 year anniversary with a girl he worked with who was also married and slept with most of the men they worked with. This time i went to visit my family which i havent seen in 2 years and he cheated with a 20 year old girl (we are 26) in our house in our bed 3 times (so he says) oh and now she is PREGNANT!!!!! now all he does is cry and cry and tell me he doesnt want anyone but me and wants us to grow old together (he never said this before he isnt very emotional) and how much he regrets it and will never do it again and this made him realize he doesnt want to live his life without me in it. He apologizes every day and when he cries I feel slightly upset but i feel like i dont feel anything at all at this point. It seems so surreal especially since I havent been back there yet since I had planned on a 3 month stay im not due back for 2 more weeks. We have had so many problems before but had finally got into a great and loving and happy place. I had dedicated my life to God and decided to work things out 6 months ago when i thought of leaving before. What do i do??? I still love him but i feel stupid for loving him
heavenslilangl14 heavenslilangl14
26-30, F
6 Responses Dec 1, 2012

Dump him...you can never trust him!!!

Get out of there!

You have every right to be angry and there is very few things worse a lover can do. If he wants to keep you in his life, it should be more than saying he is sorry. I might cosider getting some proffessional help in finding out why he cheated. Maybe his father was like that? Maybe it is out of some insecure place where he is trying to fill an empty space?

Regardless, if he cheated once and does not deal with the reasons and does not want to earn your trust, then he will probably cheat again, whether you catch him or not.

There are 2 responses I can help out with: 1 is supportive and 1 is honest.
I'm choosing honest.

While telling your story, you just said the reason why you have problems with your relationship.
Quoting:"the first time was right after we got married and at the time we werent in love (we got married because i was pregnant)"
It did not start with love, It did not start with you both convinced of each other.
Repeated cheating has 2 meanings:
1) the partner is not having enough sexually, so he/she is looking for it outside.
this might be partially your responsibility but is surely his mistake. He should have came forward and discussed it with you.
2) he does not love you.
and there is a huge difference between loving you and needing you or having lonely fears so he's just want you around but not truly as his wife.

I'm not sure what religion or God has to do with this, I dunno what are your believes.
but as of myself, (muslim-born, spiritual-believer) I dont think religion is related to this.

In my opinion, you should try to analyse yourself and do some soul searching and deep thinking, find out what YOU truly want from life and not anyone or anything else. Exclude religions, family, friends, your child and everything and KNOW yourself 1st, KNOW what YOU TRULY want.
then slowly integrate those other factors we've just excluded and see what you are going to decide.
I suggest you make sacrifices for NO ONE excepting your child only.

One of my best friends is a divorced single mother, and she regrets that she did not make her decision any earlier.

To sum up: Time is running. No such thing as 1 sided love. you've got to add a selfish factor in your life. whether leaving him or not is your decision. I'm just opening up ways to think about it. no one can take that decision for you.

I hope I have helped.

Sincerely,
A

Your right about several things. I have been thinking of every other factor other than myself and my happiness. I have been focusing on what happened and how our family will continue on with or without him and about my daughter but i keep forgetting to just breath and ask myself what i want out of life and to be happy. thank you for your insight you have given me several things to think about

glad I could help :)
Let me know how it turns out.
Hugs ..xx

Leave him. There are plenty of us out there who would love to have a women like you in our lives.

thank you :)

I only read the first sentence... You should have left. Sucks that life doesn't turn out the way we planned it.