Really???????

Everything is a lie...
The date nights, the kisses, the conversations
How can it be real?
You chose to go back to her.
Why?
What was missing for you?
Why do you crave another's touch?
Did I not support you?
Make you feel desired?
Did I not spoil you?
I don't understand...
My mind can't comprehend.
I refuse to go back to the beginning.
You had my heart,
You can't have my state of mind.
You can't have my tears.
I refuse to be depressed.
I made myself vulnerable.
Made myself available.
I was fully vested.
Looking forward to leaving those days behind.
This time is different.
I'm not angry.
You can't expect more from someone than what they give you.
Although you refuse to be honest
Although you refuse to love and cherish me
Although you refuse to be faithful
I have loved you through everything and have forgiven more than most would.
Even now I pray that God helps me to forgive you of this new hurt.
I pray that He helps me keep a tight grip on the love and peace that He has shown me since everything fell apart.
I pray that He gives me wisdom in how to handle you and strength to do what is right.
I have to go and cry
Because the pain that I feel is real
But once I get up this time,
There will be no more tears and I will be a stronger woman.
b4realz b4realz
31-35, F
2 Responses Dec 8, 2012

I am sooo sorry. I will keep you in my prayers. May peace and healing be upon you, may you mourn but know you will get through it, may you pick up the pieces even knowing you will use glue to put it back together. Good luck

Oh honey, you have no idea how sorry I am to read this. You have shown so much strength and conviction in your efforts to get your marriage back on track. My thoughts are with you during these dark days - I hope that you find the strength and bravery to choose what's right for you and your babes regardless of which path you end up travelling x