My Serial Cheating Husband

this is my first time actually talking to anybody about my cheating husband. i need to talk to somebody about it or else i will go crazy. have been together 15 years and married for 8. i suppose i've always known he didn't love me the same way as i loved him but i was so happy when we got together, that kind of happiness that makes your heart beat when he walks into a room. this was my second marriage and the love was so strong that i lived for the times we spent together. 15 years later my life is hell. i've lost count of the number of times he's cheated on me, probably 30 or 40 times that i know of. and the worst thing is that i would be the first one to advise anyone else who had this problem to get out asap. well the final straw came in april this year when i found an old phone of his. imagine finding hundreds of texts, photos, and messages from all his girlfriends, most of them very explicit. the final straw was discovering that he had an affair with a 23 year old over a 3 year period, she had a baby by him, the baby died at birth, he had photo's of the baby, alongside photo's of other girlfriends naked, "the list goes on" he admitted everything, as he didn't have much choice with me reading the messages from the phone. he begged my forgiveness as he usually does, but something inside me died there and then. i know i've been a fool. i know i'm a complete moron but, guess what, i still love him. i want to leave. help!!! i know i will never trust him again, i know things will never be the same again, where do i go , what do i do?? i have a good job but we have a mortgage, lots of bills etc, i want to leave so badly but i feel such a failure. my family think we are the perfect couple, i have no reason to stay, no children involved, so what is keeping me here????????????? i need answers. and i know i'm a fool. i know i should go. please advise
enaghtaamur enaghtaamur
51-55, F
7 Responses Dec 14, 2012

How to survive a divorce if im jobless. Really im tired of this as serial cheater yet he is a pastor. We married for 3 years now

Add a response...you need to get out,leave him with the debts etc, before he does it to you,they...yes they are a breed. they sap every bit of life from you,take you to your lowest ever place,almost want you to do something stupid so they don't have to be the bad guy. I know that people fall in & out of love,if you know that he cheats how can he love you ?. sever ties with this poor excuse of a man.
Let him be free !, then you will be free, you can if you want start fresh,we all have motgages & bills,don't let them be the reason for putting up with the humiliation of being used.
Women have come a long way,there was a time when women couldn't fend for themselves. My friend brought up two children on her own after her wayward husband cheated on her & left her with so many debts. she struggled to survive,she did it & holds her head high. you don't have anyone to worry about other than yourself. Look in the mirror,you are worthy of so much more than that cheater will ever give you.you can not ever trust him,read your own story & pretend its happening to some other female close to you....you know you are the one that has to leave...take it from there, don't get sucked into this mans games.
he is in love, with himself!!!!!!, he won't always have the pull...ability to get these women,one day he will be sad & lonely,just like my friends husband that screwed so many women...no he is alone!!!!, better you move on ..you are better & deserve a real man.

Thank you for sharing...I am also in the same situation my husband does the same thing but it hurts so bad your stuck you have to think of your future. Retirement, benefits, income, housing, food, etc...it goes on and on. Should we look the other way? should we leave and suffer with one income and stuggle to buy food? Should we get a relationship as well? when your young and pretty its alot easier...now that were older its a different ball game. I wish you luck and whatever you decide make yourself happy, cause no one else is going to do it.

Leave him. I am going through the same thing. He doesn't love you like you deserve to be loved. You have a good job. I don't have family or a job. We have four kids together and one from one of his escapades. Just do it. You only have hurt to lose. I know it's hard, they can be so charming at times, it's not real. Maybe he'll tell you he has a problem, but I don't believe in that.There is nothing you can do to change him.

I agree with all the posts so far, unless you can stomach this continuous insult then it is very hard to live this way. Just today I almost had it out with my cheating husband and had to calm myself down to see the bigger picture. I need to be fully independent and strong before I take ths step. If you are already there then it is time. If you wait there is always the chance that he will come and eave you when he has finally felt he has met the one. Allie101 is right men like this always come back when they see how strong we become but what they don't realize is by then we no longer need them. A part of me will always love my husband as he was my first everything and he maybe a louse of a husband but is a great father, but the older wiser part of me has realized that I have outgrown him and want to be someone's one and only and not be taken for granted. That would be one of the great lessons I will try to instill in my daughter to not choose her father-to try and choose one that loves her more. I have three more years to try to bite my tongue and hang on despite being called paranoid by him. Each day gets harder and harder. How many more years can you take?

same situation, great dad, great work ethics....**** husband! takes other women on business trips, txts and goes round other womens houses, cannot admit any even though have caught him out numerous times. Gave everypart of me to him at 20 had two kids, gave up career to follow him, for what?? to be told I am the problem, men have needs wtf? i have low self esteem issues, I am paranoid, I clip his wings, restrict his freedom??? WTF?! .......the plan start career again, build self confidence, build myself up again, show my girls that I am strong and will rise above this. Don't know how long this will take ... don't know where it will take me... who knows.... my daughters inspire me that I deserve better and if im better they are too.... good luck on your journey!

xxx

I am glad to hear you pull yourself up. That is the best thing we can build and develop for ourselves when we have to face situations line this that was created from our husbands. I wish you the best of luck too. It's not always easy, there are gonna be many days you will feel overwhelmed but just know that once you get yourself going and settled, it won't matter what he is doing anymore, you will have become strong enough to deal with the crap he keeps trying to pull behind your back. Take care. :)

Awesome reply. Awesome attitude. You WILL rise above this. Let us know how you fare. Jiks

I'm sorry for your experience I went through the same thing with my husband of 20 years he cheated on me so much I lost count he had two children outside our relationship by two different women. I was so devastated and to embarrassed to tell anyone we also have two children we owned two houses a vacation home and our primary home seem liked we had a perfect life together. I always appeared happy and in good spirit but was dying inside I wanted to hurt him as much as he hurt me so I came up with a plan I am smart very attractive and people genuinely liked me, I hung in there until my both my children graduated and went off to college I told him i needed to go away and take care of my grandmother which he agreed so he could have the freedom to mess around with different women wasting time while i was away I dealt with myself to the core mentally and physically got back on track emotionally and while away I met someone else (an attorney imagine that) who treated me like a princess we kept in contact for 2 years while still married to my cheating husband I finally told my husband I wanted a divorce he begged and pleaded cried the whole nine. I divorced him ended up with everything because of proof of infidelity I didn't really want it but wanted my children to have the family home until they started their own family. he just found out I'm getting married "HA" to my prince I recently saw him at an event for our daughter he look like **** Glad I left him best thing I could have done.. It's ok to love him but not more than you love yourself take care of you because no one else will. take control and you will see how fast things turn around not for him but for you Good luck I wish you well.

I have no excperiance with what you're going through, but read your story and felt for you. No person should go through why you've gone through, a relationship should be two people committed to eachother full stop. You should put up with that and deserve better. Walk away. Just walk away. You'll regret 10 years from now when nothing has changed and he's still running around with other women. Don't waste your life. You could be making someone that adores you happy. Just walk away ! That's my advice ! However in saying that I am sure if it were easy you would of done it long ago, but stop and assess your life, is this how you thought it would be ? If not you need to take serious steps into making yourself move on from him. Sorry if this sounds negative just don't think anyone deserves that ! xx